


Without your knowledge

by JasonPeace



Category: Tokio Hotel
Genre: First Love, First Time, Gay Sex, M/M, Romance, Slash, Twincest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-23
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-10 20:03:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 74,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4405601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JasonPeace/pseuds/JasonPeace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tom intended to have kinky sex with a one-night-stand named Warren but ends up accidentally having sex with his brother instead. Unable to admit the shameful truth to his brother, Bill falls into a web of lies and deceits, impersonating Warren whom Tom slowly falls in love with. </p><p>But what will happen when the real Warren shows up?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Happy birthday Bill and Tom, happy birthday to you!" everyone cheered as the song came to an end. 

Bill smiled and clapped happily after he and Tom blew out their candles. Finally they were 18; finally he was free. Although at that moment he felt more trapped than ever. He watched absently as all his friends and family were moving about, his brother ripping open presents. He tried his best to look hyper and chipper as always, but lately he had been having problems in that department. He'd been looking forward to his 18th birthday for so long and now that it was finally here, he could hardly believe how little grown up he felt. His friends and family had made a great effort to give him and Tom an unforgettable birthday; everything was how he had dreamt it would be. Except for one tiny thing.

"Come on Bill!" Andreas yelled. He and Tom were ready for a night of crazy partying, finally being able to drink legally (not that that had ever stopped them from drinking before...), but Bill wasn't in the mood.

"I'm tired, we've been working so hard lately, you guys go ahead." Bill smiled weakly.

Tom looked as if he was about to slap him; "You're kidding right? You're tired? What's been with you lately, just put some make up on or whatever and let's go!"

Bill sighed, he really didn't want Tom to know what the matter was, so after a quick glance in the mirror he was ready to go.

~*~

Tom sighed inwardly, he had so hoped Bill would be a little happier today, it was their birthday after all and Bill had been looking so forward to it. Of course so had he, but not as much as Bill; ever since Tom could remember, Bill dropped phrases like 'when we're finally 18 we will...!', and a while ago he even got that Freiheit 89 tattoo. But today, just like every day in the past few weeks Bill seemed reserved and absent.  
Tom was worried, it wasn't like Bill to fake happiness in Tom's presence; other people sure, but whenever something was bothering Bill, Tom was the first to know what it was. They shared everything and kept no secrets from each other, so it worried him that Bill was keeping something from him. It wasn't like his adorable extroverted brother who usually screamed his feelings for the entire world to hear. Tom was usually the introverted one who preferred to keep things to himself, of course not from Bill, Bill knew everything about him.  
Well, everything except for that one thing. He even knew that Tom sometimes, rarely but still, enjoyed the company of men in the bedroom. Not even Georg and Gustav knew that, but Bill accepted it. He never judged him and never questioned him. Of course they sometimes fought like cats and dogs, but at the end of the day they always accepted each other; that was their greatest strength.  
That's why Tom was a little offended and hurt at the fact that Bill didn't trust him enough to share whatever was bothering him so much.

Over the past few weeks Tom began getting the impression that the whole fame thing was becoming too much for his little brother, and he was beginning to break under the pressure that was on them.

~*~

Bill felt like a ghost in the bar, everyone around him was loud, drinking and yelling, and the music blasting at unholy volumes. He watched Tom in a corner making out with some random girl he had found. And there it was again, that weird, dreadful feeling he couldn't quite place. Bill sat in his corner booth nursing the same drink he ordered nearly an hour ago, staring at Tom and the girl. If he wasn't so melancholic he would be worried someone might see him staring. He decided to order another drink, something a little stronger this time, hoping it would make that heavy feeling in his chest go away.

~*~

Tom halfheartedly kissed the girl who beamed up at him. She was quite beautiful, wavy brown hair, long lashes. On any other night she would have been the perfect birthday present for him, but tonight he couldn't really focus because he couldn't stop thinking about Bill's behavior, and it worried him to no end. Bill was still sitting at the table with the same drink from an hour ago, looking lost and lonely. Sometimes Tom wished his twin would be more like him: careless and absent. Not that he was truly like that, Tom cared a lot, especially about his family and friends, and even more so about Bill, but sometimes it was just easier to pretend he didn't care. 

"Why don't we go back to your hotel room?" the brunette asked shyly, batting her long lashed at him. Tom decided to put Bill and his troubles out of his mind for now; it was his birthday and he had every intention to have fun tonight. 

~*~

The waitress came with Bill's drink and smiled at him seductively; "If there is anything else I can do for you, let me know."

Bill smiled politely, inwardly thinking 'you could remove that girl's tongue from Tom's throat'. He mentally slapped himself. What did he care who Tom was making out with? It never bothered him before. Until that night that is. That one night when his entire world came crashing down. Bill stared off into space, remembering that night, the mere memory making his heart beat faster.

 

9 weeks ago

 

"Bill!"

Bill turned around; he had been sitting at the island bar drinking some fruity cocktail when Tom came up to him. Next to him was a quite handsome young man, maybe a little older than Tom. He had shoulder length, black hair, almost like Bill's, and he looked a bit flustered.

"This is Warren." Tom gave Bill a mischievous grin, which told Bill everything he needed to know.

"We're gonna hang out and maybe play some video games over at Warren's bungalow." Tom's smirk was enough for Bill to know that playing video games was the last thing they would be doing. Bill nodded and watched as they left together, he decided to leave too. He didn't want to sit around in a bar alone, that seemed so pathetic. Sometimes he wished picking up strangers would be as easy for him as it was for Tom. Then he remembered that he really didn't want to pick up any strangers. He still sometimes envied Tom for not caring, even if he considered that to be totally wrong.

~*~

Tom pushed his tongue passed Warren's shy lips; despite a couple years older than Tom, Warren was shy and inexperienced. Tom liked that; he'd be sure to take his time with this one. They were outside Warren's bungalow, the warm sea breeze brushing through Tom's dreads; he loved the Maldives. Warren took his hand and led him up the few steps to the bungalow which looked just like the one Tom and Bill shared.

They kissed their way to Warren's bedroom. Once on the bed, Warren started fumbling around in the nightstand. Suddenly he pulled out handcuffs and a blindfold, leaving Tom stunned a moment; well that was a new turn of events.

Warren blushed; "I want you to blindfold me," he whispered huskily in Tom's ear. Tom had to grin; it had been a while since he had had a kinky night.

He grabbed the cuffs and blindfold; "What, you don't want me to gag you too?"

Warren blushed again and looked down; "If you want..." he licked his lips and gave Tom a shy look. Tom had actually been joking, but if that's what the guy was into, who was he to say 'no'. 

Tom slid his hand down Warren's pants, feeling the other boy's erection. 'Only kissing and he's already this turned on,' Tom almost laughed at how easy this guy was. Warren moaned softly into Tom's neck, rubbing against his hand.

Suddenly the door of the bedroom swung open; "Sorry! Thought you were alone!" a young girl grinned into the room; "You two go right ahead and don't mind us, we're just hanging out here a little." She slammed the door shut.

Warren groaned; "She's my best friend, we're here for her college graduation."

Now there were loud noises coming from outside, music and people chatting. Tom hated an audience.

"Why don't we go over to my place instead?" he suggested; not wanting to be seen with the other man.

Warren nodded. As they got up Tom put the blindfold and cuffs into his pocket, chuckling at upcoming events. They slipped out of the bedroom and tried to pass the noisy people unnoticed.

~*~

Bill took another long sip of Red Bull. He'd been sitting on his bed for almost an hour trying to come up with new lyrics, but he had writers' block. No matter what he did, he just couldn't come up with anything that made sense. He stared out the window; the moon was low above the ocean, casting a mystical and beautiful gleam. If that couldn't inspire him, nothing tonight would, so he decided to call it a night. As he got up, he spilled what was left of his Red Bull all over the bed. Bill groaned as one condemned. 'Nice going Bill,' he thought darkly.

Quickly, he took the now empty can and pulled the covers off the bed, but it was no use, half his bed was covered in Red Bull. He sighed; 'oh well no point crying over spilled... Red Bull.' He decided to sleep in Tom's bed, it's not like he was going to need it tonight; Bill chuckled slightly. He left his bed half on the floor and went to Tom's room, finding his bed still freshly made and looking very inviting to Bill who was so tired he felt like he was going to pass out by now. Bill crawled under the covers of the beautiful wooden four poster bed and within a few minutes was sound asleep.

~*~

Tom and Warren were halfway to Tom's bungalow when Tom remembered he left his jacket in Warren's bedroom. Not that anyone needed a jacket on this island, but it went with his outfit. And his cellphone was in there. Tom sighed, "I forgot my jacket at your place."

"I can go get it," Warren offered.

Tom shook his head; "It's fine." He gave Warren the key to his bungalow.

"Meet me there; my room is the one on the left." He nuzzled on Warren's ear, causing him to gasp a little, and Tom had to hide his grin; this was going to be fun.

"Don't start without me," Tom winked as he started to walk back up the road. Warren blushed again and hurried off to Bill and Tom's bungalow.

After successfully finding his jacket, Tom managed to slip away from the crowd in Warren's bungalow unnoticed. He really didn't feel like explaining what he was doing there, he wasn't quite ready for the world to know that he also liked having sex with men. Everyone always thought Bill was the one with homosexual tendencies, even though Tom was quite sure Bill wasn't into men at all.

He hurried back to his bungalow, not wanting Warren to wait too long for him. As he entered the bungalow all the lights were out. Tom started to get excited, was Warren playing a kinky game of some kind? He walked through the living room, the moonlight barely enough to see where he was going. As he looked out the window he saw a figure standing a little away from the bungalow on the beach. No one was actually supposed to be here since this was Bill and his private bungalow, but whatever, he really didn't care right now. He snuck into his bedroom and a grin spread across his lips; in the darkness of the room he could just make out Warren sprawled across his bed. Face down and wearing nothing but his underwear. Tom quietly slipped out of his clothes and softly stepped into the bed. He chuckled slightly and ran a hand down Warren's smooth back.

"Comfortable?" Tom purred into Warren's ear, but he didn't reply. His black hair was hanging in his face and he was breathing deeply. Suddenly Tom realized Warren had fallen asleep. He grinned and pulled out the handcuffs and blindfold. He pulled the bandana from his dreads and decided to go with Warren's earlier idea of gagging him. He had never actually gagged anyone before and the idea seemed intriguing. Gently, he slipped the bandana into Warren's slightly parted lips. Warren moaned a little confused, barely waking up. Tom hurriedly tied the bandana and proceeded to cuff Warren's hands over his head. Warren lifted his head a little and Tom took the opportunity to blindfold him. Warren moaned loudly, and Tom grinned.

~*~

Bill was pulled from sleep by something being wedged into his mouth. He tried to say something but the annoying piece of cloth in his mouth stopped him from doing that. He opened his sleepy eyes, but the room was dark except for the ray of moonlight. He felt someone grabbing his hands and...cuffing him?! He lifted his head in alarm and suddenly someone blindfolded him. He tried to yell but it only came out as a muffled moan. What was happening?! He was being kidnapped! Bill had always been paranoid and now suddenly someone was restraining him and kidnapping him. Oh god, he was going to die. By now Bill was in total panic; he tried to get up but someone was pinning him down to the mattress.

Suddenly he heard a familiar deep chuckle next to his ear: Tom! Thank god! It was only Tom; no one was kidnapping him and no one wanted to kill him. Bill calmed down; he almost wanted to laugh at his earlier fear. Suddenly he felt Tom's hands run down his back and Tom... kissing his shoulder? 'What the hell...?' Bill thought confused.

"Don't worry, I know just what you want you dirty little slut," Tom purred into his ear.

Bill stiffened with shock. What did Tom just say to him? Suddenly Tom's hand slapped his ass. Bill tried to yell but it only sounded like a groan. He was starting to panic again, what the hell was Tom doing? Tom started nipping on his ear. Bill desperately tried to move his head away from the unknown feeling.

Tom only laughed at him; "So you want to play the unwilling one, hm Warren?"

Wait... Warren? Who the hell was Warren? Bill tried to move again, but Tom's weight was keeping him firmly in place. Now he remembered who Warren was; Tom's boy toy for tonight! Oh god! Bill was in full panic mode. Tom confused him for Warren! This couldn't be happening. Surely this was just a nightmare.

'Oh please Bill, wake up!' he screamed in his mind.


	2. Chapter 2

But Bill didn't wake up. Instead his nightmare just got worse.

~*~

Tom nibbled on Warren's ear eliciting delightful moans from the other boy. Tom loved noisy bed partners; not to the point where they acted like in a porn movie, but moaning was definitely a turn on for him. Warren's voice, or what he could hear of it, sounded unusually familiar, but he couldn't quite place it. Either way, it turned him on more than he expected. He wanted to hear more of it.

"Show me how much you want me, beg me to give you what you want" Tom whispered delightfully into Warren's ear. He felt Warren shiver underneath him and grinned.

~*~

Bill couldn't believe Tom's words. He had always assumed Tom was a total pervert in bed, but this went far beyond his worst imaginations. He gathered what was left of his strength and tried to push Tom off him to get his brother to realize who he was, but the moment he lifted his body just a few inches from the mattress Tom seized the opportunity to slide his hand between Bill and the mattress. He felt his twin's hand slide further and further down his stomach, and slip into his underwear, finally settling between his legs. Bill felt sick; he wanted to throw up, and the piece of cloth in his mouth really wasn't helping.

~*~

Tom was surprised to find Warren hardly turned on. Maybe he was just nervous; he sometimes had that effect on people. Tom decided to give him a little more attention and gently started caressing Warren's cock. He felt particularly playful tonight; inexperience always made him want to show the other person an extra good time.

"Hm, you're actually a lot bigger than I initially realized back in your bedroom," Tom noticed lazily, stroking up and down the other boy's length while nuzzling on his ear.

~*~

Bill felt his cheeks burning. He had never even been naked in front of anyone, other than Tom when they had been younger, but that had been a little... well, different. He felt exposed and humiliated, even though the room was nearly pitch black. Bill was starting to sweat; he was getting exhausted from trying to shove Tom off of him. But that wasn't the only source of heat. He felt an unusual hot tension in his stomach that was beginning to creep lower. He couldn't think clearly anymore. He was confused and scared, and to his even greater horror he was beginning to get hard. Tom's skillful hand gently massaging him was enough to turn his own body against him; Bill wanted to scream with exasperation. Surely if he screamed loud enough Tom would realize this wasn't what he wanted? Bill wanted to try, one last attempt to reveal himself to his brother before it was too late.

Or was it already too late? What would happen once Tom realized what he was doing? Bill felt like crying at the hopelessness of the whole situation. Should he really try to tell Tom? Maybe he should just lie perfectly still and let his twin get it over with.

God what was he thinking! No way would he lie still and let this happen. Bill tried to call Tom's name and shook his head violently trying to get his attention. He pulled at the cuffs again, but they were securely tied to the bed by the curtain ropes, and the only thing he succeeded in doing was chafing his wrists.

~*~

Tom kissed his way down between Warren's shoulders. Warren was moaning loudly and tossing his head from side to side. Tom released Warren's nearly full erection and slid further down the bed, all the way kissing along Warren's back. He easily pulled Warren's underwear down, revealing his perfectly shaped ass. Tom had always been a big fan off asses, boys or girls equally, and even in the darkness of the room he could see that Warren had the most perfect ass he had ever laid eyes on. He couldn't wait to bury himself in there. He pulled Warren's underwear past his ankles and tossed it aside before gently nipping the boy's left cheek with his teeth, eliciting the most erotic yelp from him. Tom nudged Warren's legs apart and settled between them, now fully behind the black haired beauty. Warren instantly tried to close his legs, but Tom's body prevented that from happening.

Tom started kissing and caressing Warren's back and ass again, lazily playing with Warren's erection now and then. Warren gave him a hard shove with his leg, making Tom laugh eerily.

"Want to play a little rougher, do you?" He trapped Warren's leg underneath him, making him practically unable to move.

"Be a good boy or I'll have to spank you into obedience," Tom ordered sternly. He could never actually imagine himself doing that, but from what he had learned from Warren, he was into kinky stuff. Warren stilled immediately and Tom had to stifle a laugh. 

~*~

Bill lay still for a moment, breath caught in his throat; was Tom serious...? Would he really spank him? Surely he was joking...? Was Tom really into that sort of thing? Bill wondered just how much there was about his brother that he didn't know; he always thought they knew everything about each other. But tonight he was getting to know a side of Tom he had never thought existed, and had never wanted to know of. He tried to voice his protest again by bucking against Tom's stunningly heavy body, to no avail. He heard Tom chuckle somewhere behind him, the husky sound making him shiver. He felt Tom's hot breath against his backside, causing him to shiver for a far different reason. Bill had always been a little sensitive when it came to his ass; he hated it when someone came close to it. And Tom was close to it. Very close.

Suddenly Bill froze. He tried to scream and kick but it was as if his body suddenly weighed a hundred tons and he was unable to move even one muscle. Had Tom just...licked him... there...? At...? Bill couldn't even finish the thought in his mind. Tom's hot, wet tongue kept circling the sensitive flesh of his entrance, and Bill could hardly breathe; he thought he was going to pass out from sheer shock. For a few moments Bill just lay there like a wet noodle until his sense came crashing through the door.

'NO', Bill tried to scream, but it only came out as a muffled groan.

~*~

Tom smiled triumphantly when he heard Warren's loud, almost animalistic, groan. He was quite pleased with the outcome of his ministrations; he finally had Warren's full attention. By now Tom was more than ready to give himself a little attention too, because the whole scenario, which Tom believed to be more acted for Tom's benefit than real, had not failed to turn him on. Tom knew people always exaggerated a little during sex, but he appreciated it none the less. He gently pushed his tongue passed Warren's velvety entrance, causing Warren to go rigid for a moment. He slowly moved his tongue in and out, taking his time and waiting for Warren to relax.

Bill's head was spinning; he was confused, aroused, scared, excited and miserable all at the same time. He didn't know which feeling was stronger, but he was sure confusion and arousal were in for a tie. Tom's tongue was still slipping in and out of him, making him feel things he couldn't even name.

Bill had never been much into self-pleasuring; the whole masturbation thing had always seemed somewhat cold and impersonal. Of course he did it whenever he couldn't ignore his body anymore, but that was just a quick 5 minutes to get it over with. Never had he felt anything even close to what Tom was making him feel right now.

Suddenly Tom moved away, leaving Bill momentarily cold and lonely. Bill wondered what was happening and started getting nervous again; why did he stop just when he had gotten used to Tom licking his — god what was he thinking?! Bill wanted to punch himself. He felt so dirty and ashamed because his body seemed to be enjoying this.

~*~

Tom reached over into his nightstand and pulled a bottle of lubricant out, generously coating his fingers. He leaned back over Warren and ran his tongue over his back and shoulders, waiting for Warren to relax again; he seemed a bit anxious. He wondered how often Warren had already done this. Judging by his body's reactions, probably not very often unless he was generally hypersensitive.

After Warren lay his head back down, Tom began massaging Warren's overly sensitive entrance again. Warren began to shift restlessly and toss his head from side to side.

"Are we getting impatient?" Tom teased. He was actually getting somewhat impatient himself, growing readier with each moan that escaped Warren's lips, but he was determined to wait. He slowly inserted a finger into Warren's unbelievably tight passage, and heard the boy give a strangled cry as he arched his back and threw his head back, nearly hitting Tom in the face.

~*~

Bill screamed at the unfamiliar and sudden intrusion. It didn't hurt him, but it was unwelcome. Only now did Bill begin to realize what the end result of this whole situation was going to be: he was going to lose his virginity to his twin brother.

He felt tears sting his eyes; he couldn't believe his own body was betraying him like this. He didn't want this. Not like this. And not with Tom. He didn't want to be one of Tom's meaningless one night stands. He had always saved himself, even though he didn't know for whom, but for someone he loved, and who loved him in return. This was so wrong; Bill wanted to die. And yet he had never felt more alive. He was getting used to Tom's slick finger inside him, slowly pulling almost all the way out and then pushing back in. His erection was painfully trapped between him and the mattress and was begging for attention; Bill groaned loudly in defeat.

~*~

Finally Warren was starting to relax a little. 'About time,' Tom thought; 'This guy is worse than a virgin...' On the other hand, Tom loved virgins. For a moment he wondered if Warren was actually a virgin; it would make sense, and if that was the case, Tom really didn't want to rush into it and end up hurting him. But then he had to think about Warren's kinky side; no way was that guy a virgin.

He poured a bit more lubricant and added another finger. Warren took in a sharp breath, letting it out as a long deep moan which made Tom painfully hard. It had been a long time since Tom had actually taken so much time for sex; usually he didn't bother this much. But then again, usually he wasn't with anyone this sensitive. 'Or at least not someone who plays the sensitive card so well,' Tom thought amused. He reached down with his free hand to stroke Warren's erection. Warren willingly shifted a bit to the side to give him more space.

~*~

Bill couldn't take it anymore; Tom's slow stroking was killing him. He wanted his twin to hurry up, and desperately tried to move to give Tom the hint to hurry things along a bit. Apparently Tom got the hint because his strokes became stronger and faster. Bill was about ready to climax when Tom suddenly inserted a third finger into him. Bill winced; this time it was painful. This was just too much; he wanted Tom to stop and get out of him. But Tom didn't, he slowly but steadily carried on.

"Relax," Tom whispered in his hear.

Eventually, and with a lot of help from Tom's skilled hand on his erection, Bill managed to relax a bit. Tom was pushing deeper into him, agonizingly slow and teasing; Bill wanted to kick him. As Tom's fingers slid into him once more, they suddenly touched something that made Bill see stars. He gasped for air as Tom slowly pulled back. Bill involuntarily pushed back into Tom's hand, wanting to feel that crazy feeling again. He began to rock his hips along with Tom's slow movements, completely losing himself in the insane feeling his brother was giving him.

'Dear god, this is moving at the pace of a crippled man crawling two miles to the liquor store in January,' Bill cursed in his mind. He pushed back into Tom's hand, hitting that sweet spot again. He was torn between the pleasure from Tom's fingers inside him and Tom's hand on his weeping erection; not being able to decide which way to move, Bill settled for going limp. He had never been more ready to cum in his whole life, and just as he was about to let go, Tom removed his hands from Bill's body entirely.

Bill whined loudly in protest. He didn't even know why he was protesting this; he didn't want to have sex with Tom. Or did he...? Of course not, they were brothers. They were twins. Only his body wanted that. Only his body wanted Tom. He felt cold and abandoned without his brother's body leaning over him.

~*~

Tom grabbed the bottle from the nightstand and lubricated his neglected erection. He positioned himself behind Warren and spread the other boy's legs further apart. Slowly he lowered himself down and guided himself into Warren's impossibly tight body.

Warren stiffened and cried out in what sounded like pain; Tom stopped immediately and tried to hold as still as possible; could it be that he really was a virgin?

He propped himself up on his left hand and used his right one to stroke Warren's fading erection. He prayed to whatever gods may be listening that Warren would relax before he lost all self-restraint and just buried himself all the way into the anxious boy.

"Just try to relax," Tom panted with the exhaustion of the situation.

~*~

Bill couldn't breathe; this was unbearable. He was sure he would die any second. Tom gently started stroking him and kissing his back, while murmuring something into his ear; Bill didn't quite understand the words at that moment, but Tom's voice was soothing.

~*~

Tom thought he was about to explode; he could hardly take this. He was so glad he had had plenty of practice in this area or else something could have gone seriously wrong here. He was panting heavily from the exhaustion of trying to hold himself still and pleasure Warren with his free hand.

~*~

Soon enough, Bill felt the familiar heat pool in his groin and he started panting again, not being able to get enough air due to the gag in his mouth. He felt himself relax, and Tom slowly pushed a little deeper into him; this time it barely hurt. Tom moved further into him until he was buried all the way in his body and remained still for a while. Carefully Tom pulled back, all the while stroking Bill's erection. He pushed back in again, this time a little faster and stronger. Bill moaned loudly as Tom hit that perfect spot again.

~*~

Tom was starting to lose control; each thrust was harder and faster, and brought him closer to the abyss. Somewhere in the back of his mind a little voice was trying to tell him to be a little gentler, but he ignored it. He had been waiting for this all evening and Warren's body was so perfectly wrapped around his raging hard on, he couldn't hold back anymore.

~*~

Bill lost any coherent thought he might have had as Tom hit that place inside of him with each thrust. Bill was sure he would pass out if this didn't stop soon. Not that he wanted this to stop; he wanted this to last forever. He wanted to feel this good forever. Absently he had to think about the fact that it was his own brother inside of him, but at that moment he couldn't get himself to care.

~*~

Tom felt his release approaching and with a few hard thrusts into Warren's sweet body, he finally climaxed. He felt his whole body trembling; it had been a long time since he had been this turned on by someone.

Exhausted, he collapsed on top of Warren, breathing heavily. Faintly he smelled Warren's hair. It smelled like cigarettes, Red Bull and something familiar he couldn't make out, but his foggy mind liked it very much. They stayed like that for a while, both breathing heavily, Tom waiting for his strength to come back.

~*~

Bill waited, his throbbing erection once again trapped under his body and Tom lying heavily on top of him. He wondered what would happen next; would Tom let him go? Carefully he pulled at the cuffs, hoping to get his brother's attention.

A small part of Bill's brain hoped that his brother wouldn't let him go. 

~*~

Tom felt Warren tugging at the handcuffs impatiently; had Warren not climaxed? Tom slipped out of Warren who whimpered a little at his sudden movement, and reached down to touch Warren's sensitive erection; apparently he hadn't. Warren groaned at the light touch, clearly more than ready to cum. Tom felt a little guilty for being too caught up with his own amazing orgasm, and forgetting all about Warren's. He decided to make it up to him. He crawled over to Warren's head and purred into his ear.

"You've been a pretty good boy, I think I'm going to let you cum soon. You do want to cum, don't you?" Tom teased. He wasn't very good at dirty talk, it's not really something he did all that much, but Warren seemed to be the type who was into that. Warren was silent as the grave.

Tom started rubbing Warren's erection a little more vigorously, reminding the boy that that was indeed what he wanted.

~*~

Bill couldn't believe his ears. That was a rhetorical question, right? Was he supposed to answer? And if so, how?

~*~

Tom gently rolled Warren over; hi face was mostly covered by the blindfold and gag, which was a real shame because he had quite a handsome face. Tom thought of removing it, but changed his mind since it would ruin the game. Warren suddenly seemed a little nervous. Tom started kissing his chest, nipping softly on one of his nipples. Warren made a startled sound and Tom had to keep himself from laughing. He playfully traced his fingers along Warren's erection, feeling the muscles on his stomach flex with each touch.

~*~

Bill didn't even know he was so sensitive to something as simple as someone biting around on his nipples; he always thought people exaggerated when it came to the whole nipple thing, but it actually made his head spin. Tom's teasingly light touches were driving him insane and he wished Tom would just let him cum.

~*~

Tom kissed down Warren's stomach and suddenly paused dead; 'What was that?' Tom thought. There was something on Warren's lower stomach, right below his right hip bone. He couldn't quite make it out in the soft moonlight, but it looked like a tattoo. Was that a star? It looked like Bill's tattoo.

~*~

Bill wondered what Tom was doing because he had suddenly stopped moving. Then it hit him like a Mack truck: his tattoo! Tom had seen it! Bill panicked and he tried to call Tom's name, but of course that only came out as muffled sounds.

~*~

Tom stared at the tattoo. Did Warren get a tattoo like Bill because he actually liked Bill? Tom had heard of a lot of people copying Bill's tattoos; he felt a pang of jealousy. He knew that often people only settled for him because they knew they couldn't ever have Bill, but actually knowing about it angered him. He knew he was stupid for being jealous of Bill, but sometimes he just couldn't help it. Suddenly he was angry at Warren; he knew he had no right to be, but he wasn't all that rational right now. He wanted Warren to want him, not Bill. He lowered his head and in one swift motion took Warren's entire erection deep into his mouth.

~*~

Bill nearly choked on his own tongue when he was suddenly enveloped by Tom's hot mouth. It was the most amazing thing he had ever felt in his life; simply breathtaking. Literally. Bill gasped for air, wishing the awful cloth in his mouth would disappear. Tom's amazing tongue starting playing up and down his shaft, twirling around his head. Bill screamed; now glad for the cloth stuck in his mouth, or he would be afraid to wake the whole island. 

~*~

Tom delightfully listened to Warren's muffled screams and moans. He wanted to be wanted; it was what he yearned for more than anything else. It compensated all the cheap, meaningless sex. As long as someone wanted him, desired him, lusted after him, nameless sex was all he needed. He wasn't like Bill, he wasn't about to save himself for 'the one', he didn't even believe that 'the one' existed. He felt like a jealous child vying for attention. The attention Bill had from Warren. Tom crawled back up Warren's chest, lazily dragging his tongue along Warren's sweaty skin. Warren was breathing heavily, for a moment Tom thought of removing the gag to allow him to breathe more freely, but decided against it; 'He might wake Bill up,' Tom had to laugh inwardly. Warren was moaning loudly, clearly not agreeing with Tom's torturing pace.

"Do you want me to let you cum?" he breathed into Warren's ear. Warren didn't answer.

"Do you?" Tom asked harsher than he intended. It's not like he resented Bill for all the attention he got, he didn't even want the attention, it just bothered him that someone he was so obviously in love with his twin brother, and yet in bed with him. He assumed many people he had been with were, but at least they were decent enough not to write it on their body.

~*~

Bill was frozen solid. What did Tom want? Was he supposed to nod? If he shook his head, would Tom let him go? Maybe he could end this right now... On the other hand, there wasn't really any point in ending things now. And he really enjoyed his brother's oral attention. He felt like dying of shame. 

Bill's head was harshly yanked back by his hair; Tom was getting impatient.

"I want to hear you scream my name," Tom sneered into his ear.

Tom's hand was stroking him hard and fast, and Bill felt himself on the brink of release for what seemed to be the tenth time tonight. But again right before his orgasm Tom cruelly released his grip; Bill whimpered in desperation. He heard Tom laugh an unusual cold laugh. This wasn't at all like the Tom he knew.

"Did you really think I would let you off that easy?" Tom teased coolly. He nibbled on Bill's ear, sending shivers down his spine.

"Do you want me to finish? To take you? So you will only belong to me." By the end of the sentence Tom's voice was so low Bill could hardly understand him. Bill didn't know what to do. Tom tugged on his hair again.

"Do you want me?" Tom all but demanded. Bill was confused. Very hesitantly he nodded his head. Suddenly Tom pulled the gag out of his mouth and fiercely kissed him, his tongue invading Bill's mouth violently. Bill could swear his heart skipped a couple of beats but before he could even make sense of the situation Tom moved away. It had been over 3 years since Bill had last kissed anyone; he had almost forgotten what it was like. All thoughts of kisses-past flew from his mind as Tom proceeded to envelop him with his slick mouth and playful tongue.

It didn't take long for Tom's skillful tongue to lure a long overdue orgasm from Bill.

He arched his back as he felt his stomach muscles contract and his whole body shake from the force of the orgasm. Tom gracefully moving him in and out of his mouth until Bill was fully done. He panted heavily; he had had a few decent orgasms in his life, but this went far beyond what he believed possible for a human to feel. Bill couldn't feel his arms or legs anymore and his head felt like it had just fallen out of a tornado.

~*~

Tom sat back, looking at Warren's trembling, panting shape in the darkness. He felt dead inside. He got up; Warren's taste still lingering in his mouth. Tom had never been much into swallowing, but Warren tasted surprisingly pleasant. None the less he wanted him gone. He wanted to be alone. He swiftly undid the cuffs and walked towards the bathroom, not wanting to look Warren in the eye. He didn't know why he suddenly felt so cold and bitter.

"You should probably go. Bill would freak if he found out you were here," he lied; he knew Bill didn't care if he brought anyone home, as long as their activities didn't bother him. 

~*~

Tom's words slowly sunk into Bill's clouded brain. He felt as if someone had just dumped a bucket of ice water on him. Tom was kicking him out. And what's worse, he was using Bill as an excuse to do so. Tom disappeared into the bathroom while Bill pulled the blindfold off and sat up, staring around Tom's empty room. He felt more abandoned and cold than ever before in his life.

He laughed bitterly, what had he been expecting? For Tom to cuddle and fall asleep with him? It was Tom after all, and Bill was nothing more than meaningless one night stand to him. He felt tears well up in his eyes. He quickly got up and left before Tom came back from the bathroom. His whole body ached; he just wanted to sleep; he had never been this exhausted in his whole life.

Bill crawled into his nearly dry, Red Bull smelling, bed and silently cried himself to sleep.

Tom stood in the shower and let the warm water sooth his inner turmoil.

'What just happened?' Tom wondered. The night had gone exactly the way he wanted. Except for that tattoo. Why did that bother him so much? It was just a tattoo, it didn't mean anything. Unless it meant Warren was in love with Bill.

'So what?' Tom berated himself, it's not like Warren meant anything to him. Although he couldn't deny that there was something about him, something he hadn't even realized until they were in his bed.

'Is that what people call chemistry?' Tom remembered Warren's soft, sensitive skin, the taste and smell of his sweat... How perfect his body had felt underneath him. How each movement and sound drove him crazy. Tom stared at the shower handle. Did he have a crush on Warren? He laughed harshly at himself, the sound echoing eerily in his ears.

'Of course not, I just want him because he wants Bill,' Tom reasoned with himself. He turned the shower off and wandered back into his bedroom, secretly hoping Warren would still be lying in his bed. Tom stood there in the darkness for a few moments, just staring at his bed. It was just as empty as his heart.


	3. Chapter 3

Bill slowly opened his eyes, the sunlight burning his eyes that were still sensitive from last night's tears. He tried to move but felt every muscle in his body ached as memories of last night flooded his brain, and he had to fight back the tears that were threatening to escape his eyes again. He peered at the clock on his nightstand - 11:48. Bill sighed.

After a few minutes he slowly crawled out of bed and made his way into his private bathroom. Bill stared at himself in the mirror; he still couldn't believe what had happened. He had actually had sex with his twin brother, and now his body sported various painful reminders; his wrists were chafed and bruised from the cuffs, the edges of his mouth were raw from the gag and he had countless love bites all over his body. He was horrified - it's not like he could wear a turtleneck on the Maldives.

Bill stepped into the shower, letting the cool water wash all evidence away. He wished the water could wash away his memories too. How was he supposed to face Tom?

How could he look his brother in the eye ever again? He felt so ashamed. He should have tried harder to get Tom to realize before it was too late. He should have just screamed and kicked. Bill knew he hadn't done everything in his power to stop that from happening. He just didn't understand why. Did he have some kind of sick, twisted subconscious desire to have sex with his brother...? The thought terrified him; surely that couldn't be true. He loved Tom like a brother, didn't he?

Bill didn't know how long he had been showering, but by the time he was finally done it was far past lunchtime. He wondered if Tom had already eaten without him because usually they always ate together. Bill started to panic; had Tom figured it out? Is that why he hadn't knocked on Bill's door? Did he hate Bill now for letting him go through with this? Bill's mind was racing with fear.

~*~

Tom yawned loudly and smiled to himself; he felt great. He sat up in his bed, blinking into the bright sunlight happily shining into his room, all gloomy feelings from last night gone; he only remembered the good parts. 'Sometimes all you need is a little sunlight,' Tom thought cheerfully.

He looked at his watch, it was 12:53. Tom was shocked at how long he had slept; he was supposed to meet Bill for breakfast at 11. Hurriedly he stumbled out of bed, nearly tripping on the thin covers before picking them up in a bundle and throwing them back on the bed.

Tom stared at the floor; Warren's boxers were lying abandoned next to his bed. He chuckled quietly to himself and picked them up with a wicked grin. Perhaps he should return them to their rightful owner and ask for a generous reward.

First he had to go find Bill though because he was a little touchy when Tom neglected him due to a one night stand. Tom pranced merrily into their living room, but it was empty. Tom sighed; 'Great, now I'll never hear the end of it.' He could already hear Bill berating him, what a terrible brother he was for dumping breakfast and/or lunch because of last night's boy or girl.

Since Bill was already mad, there was nothing he could do at this point, so he decided to look for the hotel menu to order some lunch. Or maybe breakfast? Did they still serve breakfast at this hour?

Just as Tom was about to pick up the phone to order his first meal, Bill slouched in. Tom stared in shock; Bill looked terrible. He looked like he hadn't slept all night, his eyes were red as if he'd been crying, and he stared at the floor like his life depended on it. Gingerly he sat down at the small table opposite Tom and starting looking through the menu, all the while avoiding Tom's gaze. Tom noticed absently that Bill was wearing a dog collar and matching bracelets on both wrists. Why he chose to wear that on such a hot day, was beyond Tom.

"Good morning," Tom tried carefully, unsure whether Bill was angry at him or not. 

"Morning," Bill mumbled hoarsely.

"I'm sorry I missed breakfast today," Tom was sure there was something wrong, but he didn't know how to address it, and he still wasn't sure if Bill was mad at him. Bill could work up a scary temper if someone stepped in the wrong place.

"It's ok." Bill kept going through the menu, though Tom was unsure if he was actually reading or just flipping through in order to avoid looking at him.

"What's wrong, Bill?" Tom tried gently; he was worried. Bill was rarely sad, angry yes, but not sad. Bill was the most optimistic and cheerful person he knew.

~*~

Bill's palms were sweating; he could swear Tom could see right through him. See all his dirty thoughts and memories of last night.

"Nothing, I just didn't sleep so well last night," Bill was panicking, Tom had noticed something was wrong. He had to do something. Find an excuse. Come up with a lie. Or at least burn the bungalow down. He didn't really care at this point, he just wanted to escape Tom's penetrating gaze.

Tom clearly wasn't convinced; "Come on, Bill. You know you can tell me anything."

Bill swallowed dryly; 'Not everything,' he thought bitterly. His mind was racing for an excuse to get out of this. Bill's eyes darted around the room, trying to find something to help him escape this terrible situation. His gaze fell on the Red Bull cans stacked on the counter.

"Um... I wrote something really great last night and then I spilled Red Bull over it and now it's all gone," he tried to sound as whiney and pathetic as possible, praying this would be good enough for Tom.

~*~

Tom smiled gently - Bill was such a baby sometimes.

"Aw, don't worry about it, I'm sure you will come up with lots of other great ideas. It's just a song," Tom tried his best to sound reassuring; he didn't want Bill to think he was being insensitive over Bill's lyrics. He was very emotional over his music, everyone knew that.

Bill just nodded silently.

"Well I'm starving! Did you already pick what you want?" Tom wanted to cheer Bill up; he was feeling so great today and wanted Bill to join him in the good mood.

"Yes, I'm going with the veggie lasagna and a green salad. And an orange juice," he added quickly, giving Tom a careful look. Tom gave him his best smile and picked up the phone to order their lunch. 

~*~

Bill watched Tom as he ordered their food. He had never looked at Tom this carefully before. The way his lips moved with the slightest playful smile to them; the way he sometimes licked over his piercing in the middle of a sentence while his fingers twirled with the telephone cord.

Tom hung up and Bill quickly looked away, feeling a blush creeping up into his cheeks. What was he doing, checking his brother out like that. He felt like a total pervert.

Bill listened as Tom ranted on happily about his planned activities for today; first a long sun bath, then a massage at the spa and later a dip in their private pool. None of those were things Bill could do today without Tom seeing his bruised body.

Their lunch finally arrived, but Bill could hardly even look at it. He wasn't hungry, he just felt sick. He poked at it with his fork and hoped it would magically disappear. It didn't.

"Is it not good?" Tom asked, stealing a piece of lasagna from Bill's plate.

"No, it's fine, I'm just not really hungry. I have a headache; I think I'm getting sick," Bill lied, hoping to be able to get out of today's activities. 

~*~

"Ugh, that's terrible, you should take an Aspirin and get some rest. Is there anything I can get for you?" Tom tried not to show Bill his disappointment; he actually wanted to tell Bill about Warren. For the first time he actually felt like talking about a special someone in his life. Tom laughed at himself; 'A special someone? What am I, 14?'

"No, its fine, I'm gonna go to bed," Bill excused himself and disappeared into his room, locking the door behind him. Tom stared at his food, now he wasn't all that hungry anymore either. Why had Bill locked the door...? Tom shrugged and decided to go for a little stroll.

Tom passed a rather uneventful day; he spent most of it at the spa, flirting with the cute masseuse lady. He got back to the bungalow at around 6pm, so he could catch dinner with Bill, but the bungalow was silent when he walked in; apparently Bill hadn't left his room all day.

Quietly, Tom knocked on Bill's door. There was no answer. He turned the handle but it was locked; Bill rarely locked himself in his room, usually only when he was mad and wanted to shut the world out. Tom sighed and ordered himself some dinner. Which he ate alone. He felt empty and forlorn without Bill by his side. They were two hearts joined together; whatever pained Bill affected him equally.

"Bill? Is everything alright? Should I call a doctor?" Tom knocked on Bill's door again.

"No, I'm fine, I'm just really tired and want to sleep," came Bill's weak reply. Tom got worried again; if Bill didn't get better by tomorrow he would call a doctor.

Tom went to his room and began pacing up and down, his life without Bill was boring.

His gaze fell on Warren's underwear; yes, that's exactly what he needed right now: sex to take his mind off things.

He walked the little island road up to Warren's bungalow, and noticed that he was getting a bit nervous. He almost laughed at himself; what was he nervous about?

By the time he finally walked up the few steps to Warren's bungalow his palms were sweating. Tom wondered what was wrong with him; was he getting sick, too? Or was he really looking that forward to seeing Warren again?

He took a deep breath to calm himself and knocked on the door.

There was no answer. He knocked a little harder. Still nothing. He decided to walked around the small porch - maybe Warren was outside somewhere. Tom reached a window and peered inside, only to find the bungalow empty.

Warren had already left. Tom stared out over the ocean. Warren left. He would never see him again. He didn't even know his last name. Or his phone number. Or even the country he came from. He felt so stupid, standing there on an empty porch whining over some guy he spent one night with; 'When did I come to this side of the river?' Tom was embarrassed of being the one left behind. He was always the one leaving others, no one usually ever left him; it felt awful.

He sat down on the steps leading into the water and watched the sun set. It was stunning; he hardly ever took his time to appreciate these kinds of things.

For some mysterious reason he couldn't take his mind off Warren; his raven hair falling over his slender shoulders; the curve of his neck in which he wanted to bury his face. Tom leaned back on the steps, dangling his feet into the water. Warren's perfect, slim body trembling with ecstasy. Tom slid his hand inside his beach shorts and wound his fingers around his growing erection. Warren's erotic moaning and gasping; the way he tossed his head from side to side.

Tom closed his eyes and pictured last night; he had never fantasized about a past one night stand before. He pictured Warren arching his back in pleasure the way he had done the night before - the way it had felt to lie on top of him. Tom kneeled on the steps, his knees on the last step leading into the water that gently splashed against his legs. The tightness of Warren's body when he penetrated him, leaving him breathless; his exquisite moaning that drove Tom insane with longing. Tom climaxed faster than he thought he would, tainting his hand and the bungalows steps. Idly he watched the water mix with the stains and wash away any evidence that he was ever there. 

With a sigh he leaned back and stared up at the darkening sky, wondering where Warren might be right now. He felt pathetic, sitting around on someone's porch, masturbating; what the hell was wrong with him?

Eventually he decided to go back to his bungalow. In two days he and Bill would be going back home, and he couldn't wait to leave; this holiday wasn't as relaxing as he had hoped it would be. Not that back home was going to be any better because a giant load of work was waiting for them, but then he hopefully wouldn't have to think about Warren anymore.

The bungalow was deserted.

~*~

Bill had spent his entire day in bed, except when he had ordered himself a fruit salad; which he also ate in bed.

He heard Tom come back and knock on his door again, but Bill pretended to be asleep. He knew that sooner or later he had to face his brother but he hoped that until then he would sort out his thoughts and feelings.

The next morning Bill was feeling much better, at least physically. His wrists were still a little sore, but getting better. Bill glanced at his clock that showed 10:37, giving him almost half an hour before meeting Tom for breakfast. He stared at the ceiling, working on a plan; he wouldn't allow this to come between him and Tom. What happened wasn't Tom's fault. He had no idea what he had done, and Bill never wanted him to find out; he would take his shameful secret to the grave and never burden Tom with it.

Bill took a shower and put on his best smile. He was in the living room at 11 sharp. Tom wasn't there yet, so Bill decided to order a huge breakfast for both of them.

~*~

Tom had been lying awake for hours, but he didn't want to get up; he wanted to lie in bed and mope around because Warren had left. It was probably his fault. He remembered kicking him out; now he hated himself for it. He didn't even say good night, he just kicked him out as if he had meant as little to Tom as any other person. He had been mad because of the tattoo; now he felt so stupid. Had Warren been hurt because of his behavior? Is that why he left without even saying goodbye? Then Tom remembered that Warren was just a one night stand, which was why he left without saying goodbye. There was nothing going on between them, he reminded himself, it was just sex. Like always.

He sighed for the hundredth time that morning, but then he heard someone talking from the living room; it was Bill ordering breakfast. Tom jumped up - Bill was feeling better and that made him feel better too. He rushed into the living room, and sure enough there was Bill, chipper as ever ordering almost everything on the breakfast menu. Tom grinned, so happy to see Bill feeling better.

They enjoyed a long, delicious breakfast together. Tom really wanted to tell Bill about Warren, but eventually he felt too pathetic for falling for a casual fuck that he ended up not mentioning it at all. He didn't want Bill to say something like 'now you know what it's like.' Tom wondered how many people had been in love with him, who never meant anything more than sex to him. He wondered how many people had felt just like this because of him; he felt a little guilty. Maybe this was the universe's way of getting back at him.

Tom wanted to go jet-skiing, but Bill wasn't up for it yet, he said he was still a little ill and didn't want to get worse, so they spent most of their day on the deck playing card games and lazing around.

~*~

Bill looked at Tom's hands holding the cards. They were playing around with the edges while Tom pondered his next move; Bill remembered all the things Tom's hands had been doing to him two nights ago. His throat became dry and he felt a strange heat rise in his stomach.

Tom was biting his lip, every now and then his tongue darted out ever so lightly to touch his piercing. Bill had never noticed how often Tom licked his lips, and found himself just staring at them in a daze. Tom's mouth. And the things he could do with it...

"Bill?" Tom's voice rang loudly; "It's your turn."

Bill swallowed, what was happening to him?

The next few weeks passed by rather uneventful. They were working on their new album practically day and night, which gave Bill the best excuse to be tired and not hang out with Tom. Bill tried his best to act normal and happy as ever, but on the inside he was a bleeding mess; a few days after their return from the Maldives Bill started having wet dreams of none other than his twin brother. The little time he had to sleep was spent tossing and turning without being able to get any real rest, the fatigue began getting to him as well.

Bill felt like he was breaking apart. He was horrified at his own fantasies which cruelly haunted him night after night; sure Bill had had a few erotic dreams in his life, everyone did once in a while, but they never included his brother. They didn't even include men. Contrary to popular belief Bill was actually straight. Or at least he had always considered himself to be straight. Now he was just confused. More and more often he found his eyes resting on his brother for an inappropriate glace. Is that really the way he saw his brother now?

~*~

Over the following weeks Tom noticed there was something seriously wrong with Bill. He was distracted, couldn't focus on their work, he got less sleep than the rest of them and he seemed generally unhappy. Tom was worried and a little offended that Bill wouldn't confide in him; they were meant to share every secret they had. Then Tom remembered Warren - he hadn't told Bill about that either. But that was different, that was an embarrassing juvenile crush which Bill really didn't need to know about. 

Their birthday was coming up in a few weeks and today Tom was accompanying Bill to get his third tattoo. Tom had never really been much into tattoos, though he liked them on other people, but he wasn't one for needles. Getting that piercing was bad enough. Bill was a little nervous, his foot tapping on the floor as they waited for the tattoo artist to show up. 

~*~

Bill was practically bouncing up and down in his seat, he loved getting tattoos, and this one was his birthday present to himself: Freiheit 89 on his left forearm, to represent his coming of age that he had longed for since he was a child. Tom was passively sitting next to him, texting Georg that they were now at the tattoo studio. 

Finally the tattoo artist showed up and led Bill into the back, Tom trailing after them.

Bill stared at his arm as the needle grazed across it with that familiar scratching, slightly burning feeling. It didn't hurt as much as the one on his neck, which had been the worst due to the bones, but it burned a little stronger closer to his wrist where his skin was more sensitive. Bill stared transfixed at his wrist, remembering the light burn from the chafing of the cuffs that had long disappeared. He snuck a peek at Tom, who smiled reassuringly, obviously thinking Bill was nervous or in pain. Bill forced himself to smile back.

As the Freiheit slowly appeared on his arm he began to feel less and less free. He didn't know how much longer he could keep his façade before it crumbled away like ashes. Every time he was in Tom's presence, and that was quite often, he felt drained and heavy, the secret weighing on him like an ocean of lies. Sometimes he just wanted to cry and confess everything to Tom and beg for his forgiveness, but he knew he couldn't. Tom would be so mad at him that it would ruin their relationship, and their relationship was also their success. Without Tom there would be no Tokio Hotel, and Bill couldn't live without Tokio Hotel. Or Tom. Especially Tom. Screw Tokio Hotel. If Bill had to choose, he would always pick Tom, over everything and everyone. Tom was the most important thing in Bill's life. And that's why he could never ever let Tom find out. 

 

Present day

 

Bill took a long drag from his cigarette, still staring at the door through which his brother and the girl had left a while ago. He killed his cigarette and downed the last of his drink. He went over to Georg, Gustav and all his other friends and bid them goodnight. Georg tried to convince him to stay, but soon realized Bill just wasn't in the mood.

Back in their apartment in Berlin, Bill threw himself on the couch; living with Tom had become increasingly difficult. Tom had the terrible habit of wandering around the apartment half naked after a shower, or before it, or just randomly, and Bill found himself staring more often than he cared to admit. Tom was a bit stronger built than Bill, or maybe it was because he worked out more, Bill was lazy in that department, and Bill had really noticed the difference lately; a difference which he quite enjoyed. Despite Tom being more muscular, Bill was an inch or so taller, which he never let Tom forget - in turn Tom never let him forget he was older than Bill by 10 minutes.   
Bill had to smile fondly at the memories of the times they bickered and teased each other; it had been weeks since such a relaxed moment between them. Bill's smile faded, he wasn't doing a very good job at acting as if nothing had ever happened. He knew that Tom noticed something was wrong because Tom had tried to address the issue a few times, as had everyone else, including their producer David who also strongly noticed Bill's lack of confidence and focus, but Bill insisted it was nothing.

Bill once overheard Gustav and Tom talking about him; they thought the whole fame thing was weighing him down the way it did with so many other celebrities. Bill was alright with them thinking that; he was glad that's all they thought. Right now there was actually a small trace of truth in that; constantly being watched made him feel nervous lately. Hiding things always made him feel extra twitchy around the media.

He roamed through the liquor cabinet and settled for a bottle of vodka. Yes, he was going to get wasted and forget all his troubles. And Tom; particularly Tom. Bill began to drink, the strong vodka burning his throat as he downed a few large gulps, coughing a little. He went back to the couch.

~*~

Tom closed his eyes; he couldn't even look at her. He and the girl had gone to a hotel because he didn't want to take her back to his apartment. Now he regretted having taken her with him. He didn't even want to be here. He wanted the person he had been fantasizing about every time during sex for the past few months: Warren. But somehow no one managed to give him that feeling; Tom wasn't sure what feeling that was, but it was great and he wanted more of it. Lately he had had more sex than ever before in his life, and that was saying something. He was trying to find someone who compared to Warren, to the way he felt that one night on the Maldives. And failing miserably.

He tried to imagine Warren's body. His smell. His voice. Everything that turned him on, but the more he thought about it, the less he could remember.

Tom wondered how long he would keep doing this. Usually he always enjoyed the person he was with; he never had to fantasize - of course not, the people he had sex with were amazingly hot, he was Tom Kaulitz, after all, but that didn't quite cut it anymore; he wanted something else. Someone else.

Tom was done after a very short period of time. He didn't feel like wasting any more of it with someone who meant nothing, and who never would. The girl gave him her phone number and Tom smiled as if he had the intention to ever call her.

He just wanted to go home; his birthday hadn't been as amazing as he and Bill had thought it would be since they were little. It was just one more day. One more party. He didn't feel any different than yesterday, or the day before that. Or the day before that.

When Tom walked into their apartment he found Bill asleep (or passed out) on the couch, fully dressed and hugging a half empty bottle of vodka. He felt a little guilty for dumping Bill back at the bar for some chick, because clearly Bill wasn't feeling well. 'Of course he isn't,' Tom thought bitterly. He felt anger rising in him again; anger at Bill for ruining their birthday, and anger at Bill for not trusting him enough to finally tell him what the matter was. He was worried and thought maybe everything was beginning to be too much for his brother. Was Bill beginning to break at the pressure from the life they led? Why wouldn't he just talk to him? Why didn't he trust him anymore?

Tom looked around the room, feeling helpless. He wanted to do something, something to make things better for Bill. His eyes fell on the birthday candles they had blown out earlier in the evening; when they were kids, on their birthday, they used to light candles and burn all of last year's regrets. They wrote them down on little pieces of paper and set them on fire, hoping to never make those mistakes again.

He grabbed the candles and set them on the table; it was a stupid, childish thing to do, but Bill was drunk and generally somewhat childlike so it might just work. Tom found some sheets of paper and ripped them to small pieces; he got two pens and proceeded to wake Bill up.

~*~

Bill felt someone shaking him; he wanted to kick whoever dared to bother him.

"Fffk off," Bill slurred angrily, but the hand was persistent until Bill opened his eyes. It was Tom; he was leaning over him and smiling.

"Hey, wanna play that game we used to play as kids? Where we burned all our regrets at our birthday?"

Now Bill was awake. That sounded great. He really wanted to do that, and he really wanted more vodka. He took a large sip from the bottle he was still clutching until Tom took it away from him; Bill mourned the loss of the vodka and pouted at Tom.

"Come on, I got some paper, candles and pens," Tom chuckled as he pointed at the coffee table in front of the couch. Bill crawled towards the table; he sat on the floor opposite to Tom. Tom handed him some paper and a pen, and each started writing last year's biggest regrets.

~*~

Tom was happy Bill agreed to do this, not just because he thought it might help Bill, but also because he really felt like doing it. Tom wrote at least ten 'leaving Warren' on small papers and burned them. Bill was busy scribbling as well; Tom was amazed Bill could still write in the state he was in. His tongue was sticking out in a concentrating manner and he was writing very slowly.

He almost had to laugh at the sight; his brother looked like such a kid. He had missed Bill so much in the past few weeks, because even though they lived together they hardly seemed to see each other lately. It felt good to hang out again and relax a little. 

~*~

Bill wrote everything he regretted from the past year. All the way from having yelled at his dog Scotty, to having sex with Tom. He happily watched them turn to ashes, almost as if the occurrences were being burned as well. Bill didn't know how long he and Tom sat there together, burning paper after paper, occasionally sipping vodka, but after a while they were both laughing and joking around, and for a little while Bill almost forgot all his worry and regret. It had been a nice birthday after all.

~*~

The next morning Tom groggily opened his eyes, squinting at the light. His head was throbbing and he felt tired. Man, he hated hangovers. Looking around he realized he was lying in the living room, on the floor. He was fully dressed and smelled like alcohol and cigarettes, the smell nearly making him puke.

Bill was lying next to him, half covered by a blanket. Tom wondered where the blanket had come from; he could hardly remember last night. He and Bill had been burning regrets and drinking vodka. He smiled a little; it had been so long since they were so relaxed together.

He got up and stared at the mess on the floor; ashes and burnt paper everywhere; two bottles of vodka and a broken teacup. They had tipped a candle over and got wax all over the fuzzy carpet; Tom sighed. He picked at the wax stuck to the carpet, but it was a lost cause. Bill had ash in his hair and all over his face, making Tom wonder if he looked that bad too.

Slowly he crawled across the floor and started picking up burnt papers, tipped candles and shards from the cup. He carried them to the kitchen to dispose of them, but just as he was about to throw them out he saw a half burned piece of paper. He unfolded it and stared in shock, his breath caught in his throat.

Suddenly Bill's behavior in the past few weeks made sense. All of it. The way he was withdrawn, silent, distracted. In total horror, Tom stood in the kitchen, gaping at the paper in his hand that read 'sex with Tom'.


	4. Chapter 4

Tom couldn't believe it. Bill had sex and hadn't told him about it. And who was this Tom dude and why had Bill never spoken of him? Tom was furious. Had this Tom fellow broken Bill's heart? Of course, that's why Bill was so empty and sad. Tom wasn't an expert when it came to heartbreak, but Bill could definitely be suffering from that, it was the only thing that made sense. Tom wanted to break other Tom's jaw, how dare he hurt his baby brother.

"When I get my hands on that guy," Tom cursed under his breath and went back to the living room. Bill was still sleeping. Tom sat on the couch next to him. He had to think. So Bill made a terrible mistake and had sex with the wrong person. Tom knew Bill had been saving himself for his true love, had Bill thought this guy had been it? Since when did Bill have such a serious lack of judgment? Tom always thought Bill would be dating the guy at least 3 months before they got beyond the kissing point. And Bill had never mentioned anyone named Tom, so it couldn't have been serious.

Bill always told him when he kissed someone, it hadn't happened in a long time, at least 3 years or so. Tom started to wonder if that was true, did Bill have something, or someone, going on in his life that he hadn't told Tom about? Well at least now he knew there was one person Bill had been keeping from him. Maybe it was a drunken escapade? And Bill had never intended for it to happen? Maybe he had been too embarrassed to tell Tom because he strongly disagreed with it and didn't want to be seen like that. 

Tom sighed. Poor Bill. He had to talk to him; he had to tell him that it was ok and that he could talk to him about anything and had nothing to fear.

Bill felt his head pounding as he woke up from the delicious smell of fresh coffee and waffles. He stared around the mess in the living room; 'What happened last night...?' Bill rubbed his eyes; ashes falling from his hair. Oh yeah, the regret burning of last night; Bill smiled a little, it had been fun.

Slowly he got up, making sure not to fall over in the process, and made his way to the kitchen where Tom was making waffles, a large pile already stacked on a plate for him, next to a large mug of coffee.

"Eat up before it gets cold," Tom gave him an unusually soft smile Bill had rarely seen on him.

Bill ate waffles with ice cream and drank his coffee, while Tom sat on the other side of the table, looking at him. He watched carefully as Bill ate his waffles; it made him a little nervous.

They chatted a little about last night, and Tom told him he burned regrets of a one night stand gone horribly wrong, where the girl threw up all over his new shoes; Tom really liked shoes. Eventually they were done eating and Bill helped Tom clear the table. When they were done Tom slowly turned to Bill with an unusual expression.

"Bill, why didn't you tell me?" he said softly.

Bill froze; "T-tell you what?" he tried to pretend he had no idea what Tom was talking about. Had he been so drunk last night that he confessed everything? Oh god, what had he done.

Tom smiled gently; "About this regret," he handed him a piece of paper.

Bill's hand was shaking a little as he took the paper from Tom. It read 'sex with Tom' in scrawny, drunk letters. Bill felt his heart stop; he looked terrified at Tom, but he was just smiling at him. He closed the short distance between them and wrapped his arms around Bill, in a gentle embrace.

Bill felt tears rising in his eyes; "Are you not mad?" he choked out.

Tom gently stroked his back; "Of course not, that wasn't your fault."

Bill couldn't help but cry with relief; Tom didn't hate him. Tom still loved him even though he knew the truth. Bill clung to him and quietly sobbed into his shoulder, crying out the past few months of secrets and lies. He had never felt this relieved in his whole life.

"Everyone makes mistakes sometimes, you could have just told me. I would never think any less of you," Tom continued softly, still holding him.

Bill never wanted to let go of his brother; his sweet, understanding, and loving brother. And for a short moment, his life was perfect. But only for a moment. 

"Besides, if you would have told me, I could have broken the guy's nose for hurting you," Tom said gently.

Bill's breath stopped. Wait, what?

"Who was that jerk anyway? Were you in love with him?" Tom's voice was ever so soft and soothing, but Bill was screaming on the inside. Tom thought he had had sex... with some other guy named Tom? This couldn't be happening! He felt a new wave of tears overcoming him, for totally different reasons this time. Tom didn't know. He didn't understand. And he didn't forgive him.

Bill sobbed uncontrollably; this was a nightmare. He wanted to tell Tom the truth; 'It was you,' Bill whispered in his desperate mind, but he couldn't utter the words.

~*~

Tom got his answer: of course Bill loved this guy, otherwise he wouldn't be crying so much right now. He felt anger rising in him again; Bill was in love with some guy who obviously just used him for sex. He wanted to punch someone. Preferably the evil Tom.

Tom couldn't believe it; Bill had sex and didn't tell him about it. And who was this Tom dude and why had Bill never spoken of him? Tom was furious; how dare this guy break Bill's heart.

Tom wasn't an expert when it came to heartbreak, but Bill could definitely be suffering from that, it was the only thing that made sense. Tom wanted to break other Tom's jaw.

'When I get my hands on that guy,' Tom cursed inwardly, but said nothing to his sobbing brother.

So Bill made a terrible mistake and had sex with the wrong person. Tom knew Bill had been saving himself for his true love; had Bill thought this guy had been it? Since when did Bill have such a serious lack of judgment? Tom always thought Bill would be dating the guy at least three months before they got beyond the kissing point, but Bill had never mentioned anyone named Tom, so it couldn't have been serious.

Bill always told him when he kissed someone, and it hadn't happened in a long time, at least three years or so, but now Tom started to wonder if that was true; did Bill have something, or someone, going on in his life that he hadn't told Tom about? Well at least now he knew there was one person Bill had been keeping from him. Maybe it was a drunken escapade? And Bill had never intended for it to happen? Maybe he had been too embarrassed to tell Tom because he strongly disagreed with it and didn't want to be seen like that? 

Tom sighed; poor Bill.

He didn't know how long they stood in the kitchen, Bill silently crying into his shoulder, but eventually Tom directed them to the living room couch where they sat for at least two hours; Tom gently rubbing Bill's back until he cried himself to sleep.

Carefully Tom studied his twin, now silently resting in his lap, finally asleep; he was so angry. He would find this guy, and he would punch him in the face so hard his nose flew off.

Of course he had no idea where to start looking, but he hoped once Bill calmed down, he would give him a bit more information. Was this someone he knew? He tried to think of every Tom he had ever met; there were a few, Tom was a common name. Most Toms were actually called Thomas, though that didn't really narrow it down.

He tried to think of every Tom that could possibly be attractive to Bill. What was Bill into? So far Bill had only ever spoken of girls; Tom had always thought Bill was straight.

'Maybe that guy from our lighting department, what was his last name again?' Tom had seen that guy eyeing Bill on numerous occasions, and he was pretty good looking. If he weren't working for them, Tom would have considered fucking him himself, but Tom had a strict don't shit where you eat policy, and never engaged in sex with people related to Tokio Hotel.

~*~ 

Bill slowly began to wake. He lifted his head and noticed he was lying in Tom's lap. He looked up; Tom was sound asleep. Bill let his eyes wander over Tom's beautiful face, his lips slightly parted, breathing deeply.

He felt heavy and drained of all energy; his dark secret wasn't out; he was still trapped. He scooted a little away from Tom, the close contact making him slightly uncomfortable.

Tom cleared his throat, slowly opening his eyes, and smiled at him; it was that soft, sweet, smile again that was ever so rare on his slightly rough brother. Bill felt his stomach flutter a little at the sight, but quickly ignored it and got up.

They went to the kitchen and Bill roamed around the fridge for something to eat. They had nothing.

"How about we order something?" Bill noticed Tom's gentle voice; was Tom being extra nice today because he thought Bill was heartbroken over some guy named Tom?

"Yeah, I want Indian," Bill mumbled.

Tom nodded; they both enjoyed Indian food. Tom looked for the takeaway flyers and soon found two for Indian restaurants.

It took their food almost an hour to arrive, and Bill used the time to hide in his room and take a very long shower just to avoid Tom. He knew that sooner or later Tom would ask what happened.

And he was right.

"So what happened?" Tom asked carefully over a mouth full of veggie samosa.

Bill quickly stuffed another samosa into his mouth to give him more time to think; it was delicious. He shoved all thoughts of samosas into the back of his mind and tried to focus; what was he supposed to say to Tom? What could he say without revealing his secret?

"Not a lot, really," Bill tried nonchalantly, but Tom wasn't buying it.

"Come on, you know you can tell me. Were you drunk? Cuz that's happened to me really often, and when I wake up in the morning I'm like 'wtf, who is that?'" his brother grinned, obviously trying to him feel better.

Bill tried to laugh at Tom's desire to lighten the conversation, but the thought of Tom with someone else in bed just didn't seem all that funny right now. Tom often told him hilarious sex stories, and usually they never failed to make him laugh, but lately he didn't want to hear about Tom's sexual adventures.

"No, I wasn't drunk, neither was he; it was just a mistake," Bill tried to sound convincing, but Tom wouldn't let it go.

"So, you're not in love with him," Tom's voice was kind and warm.

"Nono, it's not like that. I'm definitely not in love with him," Bill was unsure if he was trying to convince Tom or himself at this point. He wasn't in love with Tom. Right? Of course not. They were twins. That was just weird. Sure Bill had heard of siblings falling in love, but not him and Tom, they didn't have that kind of relationship at all.

'But lately your relationship has been so different...' squeaked a little voice in the back of his head. He squished it violently.

"It was just a meaningless one-time thing." For some unknown reason Bill's chest felt painful and tight just saying those words.

~*~

"Oh, alright," Tom shrugged, trying to sound cheerful, but he knew Bill was lying. Either Bill was head over heels in love with this Tom, or there was a whole other story Bill wasn't telling him.

"You should still tell me who that is, just so I can break his nose at least a little bit," Tom joked, hoping Bill would tell him who the other Tom was.

Bill's laugh was so fake, it almost made Tom cringe.

"It's alright, there's no need for that. It was my fault, too," Bill tried to assure Tom, but the harder Bill tried to convince him, the more Tom was certain he was lying.

Clearly Bill wasn't ready to talk about it; Tom decided to let it go, for now.

This had been a big year for Tokio Hotel, their second album had come out and they were currently on Tour, so they only stopped at home for their birthday; tomorrow they had to leave again. Tom hoped that in November, when the Tour was over, Bill would finally let him in and tell him the whole story. Until then he would have to wait and try his best to comfort his torn brother.

Life carried on for a good two months in which the boys did little other than travel, give concerts and interviews, and catch the occasional nap. Bill was still avoiding Tom and Tom was still trying to comfort Bill. Tom had told Georg and Gustav about the evil Tom; they had been outraged and were also convinced that Bill felt more for this guy.

 

~*~

Everyone cheered; it was the 4th of November, the last day of the Tour and their concert in Essen was a total success. Bill was a little sad but relieved that the Tour was finally over. He was really looking forward to his apartment and a little bit more of sleep.

They celebrated until 1am with their entire team and a few fans that had magically found their way in. Bill watched Tom dancing and making out with some fangirl who couldn't believe her luck.

In the past few weeks he had grown more and more used to the stabbing pain every time he saw Tom with someone; he mostly tried to ignore it and told himself it was nothing.

Bill was conflicted as ever; was he really in love with his brother? He still wasn't sure. There were moments in which he was certain it was a seriously disturbing phase, and others in which he thought Tom was the love of his life. What was happening to him?

Bill reasoned with himself again; 'Tom is my brother, not my lover. That night meant nothing to him, it was just an accident. Tom doesn't have special feelings for anyone, least of all me.' That had become Bill's little mantra to stay sane whenever he saw Tom with some girl or boy.

Bill's mood was officially ruined; he sat in a corner and moped. Gustav joined him.

"Hey buddy, what's got your mood down?" he slapped Bill on the shoulder cheerfully, but Bill just shrugged.

"I'm just tired, we've been working so hard lately, I just want to go home and sleep." Bill knew it would take another day until he was safe and sound home in his apartment in Berlin though. Gustav looked worried; everyone was worried over Bill in the past few weeks, and he wished they would just let it go.

"I'm going to bed," Bill finalized the mini conversation and got up; he walked over to the bar where Tom and his girl were ordering something to drink. She was having some colorful cocktail, and just as she was about to take a sip, Bill took the moment to unceremoniously bump into her, spilling her drink all over her nice clothes. The girl shrieked.

"Oh no! I'm so sorry!" Bill apologized. 'Hah!' his mind cheered triumphantly.

"Bill!" Tom said angrily.

The girl looked like she was about to cry as she stormed off, leaving an angry Tom and a happy Bill behind.

"Sorry," Bill said sarcastically, throwing his hands in the air.

"Can't you be more careful," Tom snapped angrily, and disappeared in the general direction the girl had left in.

Bill looked after him, a strange longing filling his empty chest.

He asked his driver to take him home; well, not home, but back to the hotel he was currently living in.

~*~

Tom found the girl locked in the bathroom; she was crying. Tom hated it when people cried; it always made him feel useless and weird. With Bill it was ok because he knew Bill; he knew how to comfort him, and Bill was actually worth his time. Unlike this girl; he just wanted a little fun. Tom groaned inwardly, this was so not worth it.

He knew how wrong his next move was, but he just couldn't help himself; he walked away and left the girl crying alone in her stall. He didn't want to do this today, he wanted to go home; he still felt like a total jerk though.

Soon after, Tom jumped out of the van and passed the screaming fans outside his hotel; he always admired fans that actually bothered to stay out until 2am waiting for him to arrive. They were the crazy fans; amazing, but crazy.

He walked into the hotel lobby and his heart almost stopped. Sitting there, casually flipping through a magazine, was Warren. Tom had to blink a few times to make sure his eyes weren't deceiving him, but it was actually Warren. The person he had longed for more than for any other in his life was just sitting there as if nothing.

Tom's heart began to race; he wanted to rush over to him, scoop him in his arms and kiss him silly. But that would have been needy and weird, so Tom casually strolled over to him, his heart beating in his throat.

Warren looked up at him, his face lighting up. It took all of Tom's willpower not to grin like a fool.

"Hey, don't I know you from somewhere?" Tom tried to sound casual.

Warren smiled his cute, shy smile; "Yeah, um... we met on the Maldives a few months ago."

Tom pretended to think; "Oh yeah, hey. How's it going?" 

"Great. I'm here on a business strip with my dad. I heard you were here at the same hotel and thought I'd stay up and see if you wanted to... continue where we left off last time?" Warren looked down at the floor in embarrassment and bit his lip.

This time Tom couldn't stop the smile from spreading across his face. At that moment he was probably the happiest person on the planet; man, did he love his life.

"Sure, let's go upstairs. I think I still have something that belongs to you," he teased with a wicked smirk.

Warren's eyes widened a little, not quite believing his ears.

The entire elevator ride Tom was afraid his heart would jump out of his chest from beating too hard. Finally they entered his and Bill's suite; it was dark. 'Good, Bill's already sleeping,' Tom was relieved to find out.

He practically dragged Warren into his bedroom; the second the door shut, Tom shoved Warren against the wall and kissed him passionately; he had fantasized about this at least a thousand times. He could hardly believe it: Warren was here. He thought he would never see him again.

They viciously kissed their way to Tom's bed; Tom couldn't remember ever wanting to be with someone this badly, his entire body aching with desire. Tom pulled his shirt over his head in between wild kisses, and slipped his hands under Warren's shirt, soaking in the warmth of his skin.

Had Warren gained weight? Tom absently noticed that Warren was a lot stronger built than in his memory. He remembered him more delicate and lithe. Maybe he had been working out.

He pushed Warren back on the bed and walked over to his closet; he fumbled around his half unpacked luggage for the small bag containing everything Warren. Actually that was just the blindfold, cuffs and Warren's abandoned underwear. He had taken that with him wherever he went, even though he didn't know why; it was always safely hidden in a shoe box. Tom grabbed the cuffs and blindfold; he wanted exactly what he got last time, having dreamt of it for so long.

However Warren seemed to have other plans; upon Tom's return to the bed, Warren seemed to be more in the leading mood than last time. He pinned Tom down and pulled his hands over his head; Tom was a little surprised at this plot twist but found himself not minding at all; he was pretty versatile.

He was getting more excited by the minute, what was Warren planning?

Warren gave him a careful look, to see if Tom was still alright with the situation, but Tom just leaned forward and kissed him. Apparently that was all the encouragement Warren needed; he pushed Tom back down on the bed and proceeded to blindfold him. Tom was nearly trembling with excitement; this was totally new to him. He had never let himself be put in such a vulnerable position, for he much preferred being in control and he didn't really trust people. But he trusted Warren.

Warren pulled Tom's shoes off and tossed them aside, proceeding to undo Tom's belt. Tom helped him by raising his hips, allowing Warren to smoothly pull the remaining clothes off his body.

While kissing his neck Warren murmured in his ear; "Hold on a second, I'll be right back."

He heard Warren leave the room and close the door behind him. Tom began to get a little anxious in his exposed state; what the hell was Warren doing?

~*~

Bill tossed around in bed; Tom was probably having wild sex in a bathroom stall right now.

He sighed and then heard a noise coming from right outside his room; was Tom back? Had he ditched the girl and come home? Bill rushed to the door and peeked outside; his eyes nearly fell out of his head at the sight.

It was Warren. What the hell was he doing here? Bill's mind began to scream with jealousy. Meaningless boys and girls he could take, but not Warren.

The young man turned to him in surprise and smiled.

"Hey Bill. You probably don't remember me, I'm Warren" he said quietly, taking a few drinks from the minibar.

Bill wanted to stab him with a spoon; he had never been this jealous in his whole life; "Get out," he said flatly, staring Warren in the eye. He looked shocked.

"Excuse me? I'm here with your brother."

"I don't care if you're here with the queen of England; get out. Right now," Bill snarled angrily. He knew he was being unfair, the poor guy didn't even know what he had done.

"But-" Warren tried but Bill cut him off.

"Get out or I'm calling security," Bill snapped.

Warren flushed angrily but made his way to the door.

"Fuck you, you're both crazy," he shot at Bill before slamming the door behind him.

Bill was trembling with adrenalin; he was bad at confrontations like this, they made him nervous and scared. It took him a few moments to recover and realize he had just kicked one of Tom's one night stands out. Had they talked about it? Did Tom know that it hadn't been Warren in his bed that night? Bill began to panic as he stared at Tom's door; should he go in? He had to. He had to know if Warren told Tom that it hadn't been him.

Bill swallowed his fear and turned the handle to Tom's room. Bill almost gasped at the sight before him; lying on the bed was his fully naked, aroused brother, cuffed to the bed posts and blindfolded. Bill wondered if he had looked like this to Tom in that night.

Except now there was light in the room, and there was absolutely no mistaking that the person lying there was, indeed, Tom.

Bill stood there, mouth hanging open, staring at his brother. He hadn't seen his brother naked since they were little kids, and he sure had... grown. Bill blushed and quickly looked away, feeling dirty. Instead he let his eyes rest on Tom's face, half covered by the blindfold; he could stare all he wanted and Tom couldn't see him. Bill took in all of Tom's body; his arms, tied to the bedposts; his legs casually sprawled across the giant mattress; his chest rising and falling rapidly with, what Bill could only presume was excitement. The rest, Bill avoided looking at, feeling perverted enough as it were.

"Don't just stand there, come here," Tom pleaded, a shy, unsure, smile caressing his lips. It was unlike anything Bill had ever seen or heard from his brother.

Bill swallowed the lump in his throat; 'What the hell do I do now?'


	5. Chapter 5

Bill's mind was going 200mph. Should he do it? Should he follow his brother's invitation that was meant for someone else?

'It wouldn't really matter, you already did it once. Tom would never have to know,' that annoying little voice whispered. Bill just stood there, frozen in place, afraid the slightest movement would make the entire situation disappear; he barely dared to breathe. He couldn't do this, it was his brother after all, and this was so wrong on so many levels. He couldn't just... abuse Tom like this. Could he?

'It's just one more secret to bear.'

~*~

Tom was nervous; what was Warren waiting for, why was he just standing there? The worst thoughts were going through Tom's head at that moment; it couldn't be that this was his ultimate nightmare of all; Warren taking pictures of this to leak them to the media. Warren wouldn't do that, right? On the other hand, Tom probably didn't mean to Warren, what Warren meant to him. Panic began to rise in him and he tugged on the cuffs, but they wouldn't come loose.

"Please, just come here," Tom almost begged, praying that Warren didn't have any bad intentions with him.

~*~

Bill didn't know how often he had dreamt about Tom saying those words, even though he knew, right now they weren't meant for him; he found he didn't care.

He held his breath as he took the first few steps in the direction of the bed while each step that brought him closer to Tom, took him farther away from his sanity.

He didn't care anymore; he didn't care about anything except the object of his desire lying there on the bed, waiting for him. He didn't care about the consequences, about what anyone would say, not even about what Tom would do or say, should he ever find out. He wanted this more than he had ever wanted anything in his entire life, and Bill had already wanted a lot of things very badly. But this was different, he felt as if he would go insane if he didn't do this right now. His deepest, darkest, fantasy was lying right there, ready for the taking; all he had to do was stretch out his hand.

Bill watched, almost hypnotized, as his trembling hand touched the edge of the bed.

The moment his fingers touched the bed he knew he was past the point of no return; Tom now believed he was Warren, making him unable to reveal his true identity.

Bill prayed to the God he didn't really believe existed, to have mercy on him. He knew how wrong he was in doing this; he was deliberately engaging in a sexual activity with his brother, without his brother's consent, or even his knowledge, but he couldn't bring himself to care anymore.

~*~

After what seemed like an eternity to Tom, Warren finally reached the bed; he felt the mattress sink softly as Warren climbed on. Tom was still nervous; what had happened? A moment ago they had been kissing like crazy and now Warren was so silent.

He felt Warren's fingers on his chest, but they were cold and trembling, making him even more nervous; had something bad happened?

"Is something wrong?" he tried to sound calm, but even he could hear the nervous edge to his voice.

~*~

His brother sounded nervous, but not nearly as nervous as Bill felt; had Tom noticed it was him?

He saw Tom nervously lick his lips, and stared entranced at them; Tom's perfect lips, the ones he had only been allowed to touch for one brief, breathtaking moment when Tom had given him that passionate kiss so many months ago.

He didn't know how often he had thought about that kiss, wishing it would have been longer. Bill had never had a good kiss before; of course he had kissed a few girls, but it was always brief and not very good; they had all been kinder garden kisses, and not at all like the fiery kiss he had received from Tom back then.

Bill really wanted to kiss him; he had wanted that countless times. He wanted to run his tongue over that piercing, the way Tom so often did without noticing.

He leaned in a little closer, his heart beating in his throat; he was about to kiss his brother...

Just as their lips were about to touch Bill pulled back in horror; he was wearing his tongue piercing. He quickly fumbled around with it, cursing his trembling hands. He was quite skilled at taking it out, but right now his hands were shaking too much to be coordinate, and so it took him longer than usual. He put the piercing in his pocket and licked his dry lips; he was so nervous it made him feel like a tweleve year old again.

~*~

Warren had nearly kissed him but stopped right before reaching him.

Tom felt soft fingers touching his lips; he was more confused than ever; what game was Warren playing now? His fingers softly traced the outline of his lips, gently brushing over his piercing before he felt Warren's hot breath on his cheek; he turned his head towards where he thought Warren would be, wishing the blindfold wouldn't exist.

He was expecting Warren to kiss him, but he was taking his time; Tom was unsure if Warren was expecting him to make a move or not. Since Tom was so confused he settled for doing nothing and letting Warren take the reins. Painfully slowly, Warren moved towards Tom's lips, and by the time they finally touched, Tom was about to scream with unfulfilled desire.

This kiss was so different from a moment ago. It was shy and insecure, as if Warren had forgotten how to kiss. Tom wondered if this was another one of Warren's games; it had to be.

Tom had never been kissed like this before; Warren's shy tongue slid into his mouth and paused for a moment, as if thinking of what to do next. Tom almost had to smile; he gently prodded Warren's apprehensive tongue, making Warren suck in a surprised breath. Whatever this new game was, Tom liked it.

~*~

Bill tried to swallow a surprised gasp as he felt Tom's wet tongue softly poke him. Tom withdrew his tongue deeper into his mouth, waiting for Bill to follow. Tom tasted like alcohol, Red Bull and cigarettes, making Bill wonder if he tasted the same since he had also been drinking and smoking.

He slowly followed Tom's luring tongue, eventually meeting it somewhere in Tom's burning mouth. Bill let his tongue wander around a little, tracing over Tom's teeth and palate.

Tom's piercing tickled his lip; Bill loved piercings. He had always wanted to kiss someone who had a mouth piercing, and wished he could have his tongue piercing in right now, just to know what it felt like to have someone else touch it.

~*~

Warren experimentally ran his tongue over Tom's piercing until it tickled him so much he had to laugh. He sucked Warren's tongue in, not being able to take it on his lips anymore; Warren made a funny noise somewhere deep down in his throat, which made Tom's pulse race.

Tom let Warren slowly examine every inch of his mouth that Warren could reach with his surprisingly skilled tongue; he had considered Warren to be a pretty decent kisser before, but this... this was definitely something out of the ordinary. It was as if their mouths were meant for each other, even if Warren seemed a little out of practice and unsure about what he was currently doing, Tom had never enjoyed a kiss more. He always considered kissing to be the bridge to sex, that's pretty much all it had ever meant, but Warren's slow, exploring kiss was better than most sex he had ever had.

He wanted to touch Warren's face, be able to hold him but the cuffs were restraining him. This had gone in a completely different direction than he had thought; he was prepared for a night of crazy, hot, passionate sex, but he found he didn't mind that things had taken a turn in this direction; this was turning into a night unlike any he had ever experienced.

~*~

Bill got a little more daring and started touching Tom, trying to keep his hands as steady as possible. Tom's skin was burning compared to his cold fingers; he wanted to claw his nails into Tom's flesh and bury himself in that soaking heat that seemed to soothe his hysteria - but that probably wouldn't have been so good for Tom, so he settled for inspecting every inch of Tom's body with his fingertips.

Even though they were twins, Bill had, of course, never actually touched Tom a lot, somehow the feel of his skin was completely unfamiliar to him. It was so much softer than he had expected; Tom seemed so rough sometimes, and even though it made no sense, Bill had somehow expected him to feel that way as well.

~*~

Warren's fingers ghosted across his chest, ever so lightly tracing the curves of his body. They slowly travelled up his arms, past the cuffs, to entwine with his fingers. Tom couldn't help but notice how perfect Warren's cold, delicate fingers felt in his warm hand; he never wanted to let go. He felt Warren shift a little closer to him, breaking the kiss; Tom was surprised to find him still fully dressed. He entwined their fingers and gently traced Tom's lower arm with his fingertips. Tom felt him kiss the inside of his wrist, right below the handcuff, his lips ever so lightly caressing his skin.

Warren moved lower, to Tom's neck, right below his left ear: Tom's special spot. He moaned loudly in appreciation as Warren began to suck softly on his neck, and Tom knew that would leave a very noticeable mark. Usually he hated it when people gave him hickies, but right now he didn't care.

~*~

Tom's moaning encouraged him; he well remembered Tom telling him how sensitive that spot was, and clearly he hadn't been lying. Bill smiled against Tom's neck; finally listening to all of Tom's dirty stories had paid off.

Bill tried to remember what other things Tom had told him; almost everything Bill knew about sex, he knew from Tom. Now he regretted always trying to ignore Tom when he was talking about dirty details because it would have been helpful right now. ,

~*~

Warren kissed up his jaw, slowly returning to Tom's mouth. He became a little more self-assured and the kisses became a little stronger and deeper; Tom almost laughed at the development; Warren had gone from shy, almost first kiss, to vigorous and passionate with the occasional soft bite and tug. He seemed to be particularly fond of Tom's piercing.

Their tongues danced from one mouth to the other, never lingering in one place for too long.

Tom wasn't sure how long they were kissing, but it was, by far, the longest kiss he had ever had. His lips felt hot and sensitive but he didn't want the kiss to end; he couldn't get enough of Warren's playful mouth, teasing him shyly.

All too soon Warren pulled away, and Tom protested with a mournful whine, as he began to explore the rest of Tom's body.

~*~Bill knew what Tom liked. He knew his twin enjoyed soft biting and nipping along with passionate kissing; he had told him that more times than Bill cared for.

"The perfect foreplay is wild and passionate, with nibbling and biting, of course not too hard, but just enough to make me totally horny," Tom's words were fresh in Bill's memory.

He smiled to himself, 'I guess this is the upside of being in bed with your twin, you know him like no one else ever will.'

Tentatively he explored every inch of Tom's body which had haunted his dreams for months; finally he could touch it, smell it. And it was a million times better than any dream he had ever had.

He decided to get a little revenge for the bruises Tom had given him, and spent a considerable amount of time giving Tom various love bites all over his body. Bill felt possessive; he wanted to leave Tom's body marked, even if no one would know that the mark came from him. He wanted his signature all over it, so it would also remind him tomorrow of what he had done.

He licked down Tom's clearly defined chest, enjoying his brother's sweet, salty sweat. He knew Tom had sensitive nipples, he decided to tend to them next. He let his tongue playfully circle Tom's left nipple, listening to Tom gasp almost inaudibly; he gently took it between his teeth and nibbled on it, waiting for it to get hard under his touch.

Tom's breathing was ragged and decorated with the occasional moan. Bill had never heard such sounds from his brother; he often heard all sorts of noises coming from Tom's sexual partners, but never from Tom himself. It lured him to explore more and more of his twin's forbidden body, wanting to hear more from his usually rather restrained brother.

~*~

Tom thought he would go crazy; he wanted to move, to throw Warren to the ground and let his passion run wild, but clearly Warren wanted to torture him with his slow, exploring tongue; Tom wanted to scream from pleasure and unbridled lust. Warren's inexperienced tongue ran down his stomach and softly started licking and tickling his bellybutton, eventually moving to his hip bone. Warren paused for a moment and then slowly moved a little lower; Tom shivered in anticipation, knowing where Warren was headed.

But he had been wrong; Warren moved back up to his chest. Tom almost growled in frustration; this was pure torture. Was this Warren's payback because Tom kicked him out last time? Tom groaned loudly in frustration and arousal; he probably deserved it.

With a heated kiss, Warren came back to his mouth, pushing his tongue into Tom's mouth with surprising determination. Tom yanked on the cuffs in vain; he yearned to touch Warren's body of which he had dreamt for so long, and now Warren was here and he couldn't touch him. Tom cursed himself for allowing Warren to cuff him.

"Uncuff me," Tom breathed out between kisses. He felt Warren softly shake his head as he attacked his mouth again, and Tom groaned in a mixture of exasperation and pleasure.

After a few moments of heated kissing, Warren broke off to catch his breath; Tom was in dire need of air too, since things had gone from romantic, sweet innocence to wild passion and Tom's ever-present erection was beginning to feel very neglected. He didn't know how much longer he could bear lying here, undergoing this sweet torture.

But apparently Warren had no intention of fulfilling Tom's desire to be touched because he was busy with Tom's ear while his hands glided all over his body, except where he really wanted them to go. They softly scratched here and there, leaving tingling marks in their wake.

It was as if Warren knew exactly what turned him on and was using it against him. No one had ever done everything so right; every touch, kiss and bite were perfectly placed to drive him insane.

~*~

Bill watched astonished as his brother slowly came undone. He had always known Tom was a lot more sensitive than he let everyone know, he just hadn't thought it was in a sexual way, too.

He watched, fascinated, as Tom panted and gasped, moaned and tossed under Bill's thorough care. He knew what Tom wanted, what was driving him crazy, he was just too self-conscious to go there, so he kept his attention on every other part of Tom's body instead.

Tom gave a pleading moan, rolling to the side as much as the cuffs would allow him, his body pressing against Bill's. Bill felt Tom's erection against his thigh and almost squawked. Of course he knew Tom had an erection, it had been there since he walked into the room, but he hadn't actually come in contact with it before.

~*~

Tom ground against Warren's body; he couldn't take this anymore, he was about to lose his mind. He felt Warren still a little as he pressed their bodies together, but he didn't care; at this point he was desperate for release; he was almost willing to beg for it. Was that what Warren wanted? Cruel Warren. On the other hand, that was what Tom had done to him last time. Payback was such a bitch.

~*~

Bill swallowed nervously. He didn't even know what he was so nervous about, it's not like he didn't have a dick as well. Bill tried to reason with himself, it's just like touching his own, no big deal.

Firmly he placed his hand on Tom's chest and pushed him back, taking a steading breath; he slowly let his hand trail a little lower, softly brushing past Tom's abdominal muscles, his hand beginning to tremble a little with anxiety.

Bill's heart was pounding so loud he was certain Tom would hear it; he had never been very good at self-pleasure, so he probably wouldn't be any good at doing this for Tom either. What if he did something wrong? What if Tom didn't like what he was doing? Now Bill wished he had spent a little more time practicing this on himself. He let his hand slowly glide back up to Tom's chest, too insecure to actually go through with this.

"Please," Tom huskily whispered in his ear; Bill's stomach did a little backflip and a shiver ran down his spine. The single word caused the heat to rise in his veins; he had never heard Tom whispering with such a voice, and least of all with that word.

~*~

Tom had never begged anyone during a sexual activity; it was just something he didn't do, but today seemed to be a first for a lot of things. He felt his body tremble with anticipation as Warren, ever so slowly, ran his hands down his stomach again. He wanted to scream, and if he didn't know Bill was sleeping next door, he probably would have.

Warren's shy fingers slowly ghosted to his erection, barely touching him. Tom let out a strangled yell as Warren timidly wrapped his delicate fingers around his quivering shaft.

This was unbearable. Warren ever so lightly moved his hand up and down, hesitantly running his thumb over the tip. Tom had been painfully aroused for hours; he didn't know how much longer he could hold back with Warren purposefully torturing him with his insanely slow treatment.

~*~

Bill peeked at his hand around Tom's erection; he barely dared to look, feeling a blush heat up his face. He had never touched another person intimately before, and even though he and Tom were twins, also when it came to their dicks, it was entirely different than touching himself.

Bill had never paid attention to texture, size, shape or anything when it came to his, but he found himself more curious than he cared to admit when it came to his brother's.

Tom's hard cock was covered in silken, smooth skin that Bill traced with his fingers, feeling the texture; it was softer than any other skin he had ever touched. The tip was wet with precum and Bill slid his thumb over it, causing Tom to shiver visibly. For a second Bill wondered what it would taste like, but he quickly pushed that thought away as another blush crept into his face; quickly he looked away, too flustered to keep staring. He decided to return to Tom's responsive nipples, choosing the right one this time.

~*~

As Warren's tender hands played and teased him, his mouth found its way to Tom's chest where it was now mercilessly licking and biting on his nipples. Tom had always been quite sensitive in that area, which Warren clearly noticed and was now abusing to torture Tom even more extensively. Warren's hand became a little more daring and he started stroking him a little harder; Tom could do nothing but moan, hoping Warren intended to end this torment soon. He had never been this aroused by nothing more than a blind foreplay. Maybe that's what was so good; the fact that he could only feel, but not see. Of course there was also the fact that it was Warren; the person he'd been fantasizing about for months.

He had never believed that the person could make such a difference; up until now Tom had always been certain that the important thing when it came to sex was how good the other person was at what they were doing, but now he began to believe that it didn't matter as much as he'd thought. Warren didn't seem all that experienced, and yet this was by far the most sensual night he'd ever had; he had never been mentally as engaged in sex as he was right now. It was a completely new experience for Tom.

~*~

Bill watched, mesmerized, as Tom's body quivered and trembled under his attentive ministrations. He scooted a little closer, wanting to feel the heat radiating off his brother's sweating body. This was completely different than when he was touching himself, and Bill decided he liked this a lot better; it was passionate and alive, not cold and automatic like when he was doing it to himself.

He kissed his brother again; Tom was an amazing kisser. Not that he had much to compare it to, but he couldn't imagine anyone in the world kissing better than his twin. Bill hungrily ran his tongue along Tom's lips and his piercing; Tom's lips were dry and he seemed to have problems concentrating on the kiss, his panting making it difficult to keep up with Bill's tongue.

Bill almost had to laugh at his usually so composed brother who was now reduced to a trembling, gasping mess.

~*~

Warren's tongue on his body, and his hand smoothly running up and down his erection, was enough to take Tom to his limit in a matter of moments.

He tried to suppress a cry as his orgasm ripped through him, shaking his entire body; he didn't even know he could cum like this from a simple hand job. The feeling was stunningly intense and left him lightheaded, unable feel his extremities. For a few moments he just let his body float somewhere in the universe of his own pleasure while faintly feeling Warren's soothing presence somewhere next to him; he wished Warren would be closer. He yearned to touch him, hug him, and keep him forever. No one had ever fit with him as well as Warren did; there was just something about him which made him perfect for Tom, even though he couldn't explain what it was. They just fit together.

~*~

Bill stared as Tom climaxed, the sticky, white substance coating his fingers. Bill had always thought it was kind of a gross thing and always went to wash himself right away, but somehow right now he didn't really mind as he released his brother and let his hand rest on Tom's tainted stomach.

Tom was still breathing fast and his body shook every now and then. Bill laid his head next to Tom's, watching him slowly calm down, his breathing becoming more steady and even.

Slowly Tom turned his head in Bill's direction as much as he could; "Let me go," he whispered in a raspy voice that caused goose bumps to run along Bill's back.

He didn't know what to do - if he uncuffed him now, Tom would remove the blindfold and see him. Maybe it would be better that way; Bill was so tired of lying and pretending. There was no more denying it; he was head over heels in love with his twin brother. Maybe he should just tell him. Confess everything. Finally end this insane game. Maybe, just maybe Tom would understand... In Bill's irrational mind there was a tiny chance that perhaps Tom had feelings for him too, and just didn't know it yet.

Shakily, Bill took the key from the nightstand and slowly opened the cuffs, releasing first Tom's left, and then his right hand. His wrists were a little chafed, not as bad as Bill's had been, but still the lines were visible.

He took Tom's hand and turned it over, softly kissing the inside of his right wrist again. Maybe for the last time. This was it. The moment Tom would find out everything.

Bill's heart was beating so fast he thought he would die of a heart attack. What would Tom do? Or say?

In Bill's childish fantasy Tom would kiss him and tell him that he loved him. But of course reality was never like fantasy.

~*~

Tom's arms hurt from keeping them in the same position for so long. He felt Warren's lips kissing his wrist, and turned to his side to face him. It had been the most erotic night of his life, even though they hadn't even had sex.

He hardly knew Warren, but he knew that he was madly and irrevocably in love with him. He didn't even know there could be a person with whom it was perfect just to lie in bed and cuddle. Tom wasn't a big fan of cuddling, but right now he just wanted to snuggle close to Warren and breathe in his delicious, familiar scent. His groggy mind reminded him that Warren, once again, hadn't been 'taken care of' yet, and he promised himself he would make it up to him in a minute, but right now he wanted to enjoy this perfect serene moment.

Warren didn't seem to mind since he wasn't moving an inch; he just remained next to him in silence, their fingers laced together as if they had been meant for nothing else in life.

He wanted to tell him how much he meant to him, but he didn't dare since it would probably just freak him out. Or he would come across as a totally lame loser; no one admitted their feelings after the second... one night stand. Tom didn't even want to call it that anymore; it sounded wrong and didn't do his feelings any justice. He almost laughed at himself; when had he become so mushy? Is this what people were like when they were in love? He reminded himself of Bill; his twin had always been such a sappy tool.

Tom blindly found his way to Warren's lips, lazily kissing them. Warren hesitantly returned the kiss, just as lazy. Warren had the softest, sweetest lips he had ever tasted; he never wanted to stop kissing them. It took Tom quite a few moments of kissing to realize he was still wearing the blindfold, and he slowly reached up to remove it.


	6. Chapter 6

Bill watched as Tom's hand, almost in slow motion, reached for the blindfold; 'It's all over,' Bill whispered in his mind. He wanted to scream to stop Tom from doing it, but he couldn't move.

~*~

Tom paused; he didn't actually want to take the blindfold off. He knew if he did, the magic would be gone; Warren would just be a one night stand and tonight would be as meaningless as every other. He wanted this to be more; he wanted Warren all to himself, and he was jealous of every person Warren had ever been with, even though he had any idea who they were, or how many there were of them.

Instead of reaching for the blindfold, he blindly felt for Warren's face; his fingers gently tracing over Warren's eyelids, down his nose and to his lips. He cupped Warren's face and leaned over to kiss him again; Warren shudder softly.

~*~

Bill almost cried in relief as Tom kissed him; he hadn't removed the blindfold; why, was beyond Bill, but he didn't care, he just cared that Tom hadn't turned away from him yet; he had one more day to live.

Bill let out a shuddering breath, curling against Tom's warm body; he felt drained, both physically and emotionally. He peered at Tom's alarm clock; it was 6:44am. Bill was shocked; he looked at the curtains, and sure enough, light was shining in at the edges.

He knew he had to leave; it was only a matter of time before Tom removed the blindfold, and now that Bill had time to think about it, he really didn't want Tom to find out. But how could he leave? Bill tried to come up with a plan; he had to do something, fast.

~*~

Tom still had every intention of returning Warren's favor, and was actually quite looking forward to it; he only wished he wouldn't have been so unbelievably tired.

Warren shifted; he turned the light off and pulled the covers over them. Tom had already been a bit chilly, lying there, fully naked. He inched even closer to Warren, who had turned around; did Warren want to sleep?

Tom slowly removed the blindfold. He saw light at the edges of the curtains and looked at his watch; it was almost 7am. He had been awake for over 25 hours, and at this realization Tom felt even more tired than before. He looked at Warren; his back was turned to him and all he could really see was Warren's messy, raven hair all over the place, because his face was hidden in the pillow. Tom smiled and curled up behind him, coiling his arm around Warren's slender waist. He felt Warren sigh peacefully.

Tom could have sworn Warren had been wearing a sleeveless shirt earlier... He mentally shrugged.

"Don't you want me to do something for you?" Tom purred in Warren's ear, but Warren only shook his head and wrapped his fingers around Tom's hand in a tight grasp, drawing it up to his chest. Tom smiled fondly; maybe he did mean more to Warren, otherwise he surely wouldn't want to spend the night here, sleeping in a sweaty, cum-covered bed. Not to mention he certainly wouldn't be satisfied with only satisfying Tom...

He kissed the back of Warren's head, wishing he could fall asleep like this every night, curled up against Warren's delicate figure that just molded so perfect against his.

~*~

Bill let out a relieved sigh as Tom rested behind him. All he had to do now was wait for Tom to fall asleep, so he could sneak out unnoticed.

It didn't take long; soon enough he heard Tom's deep, even breathing he knew so well; his brother had always been a silent, steady sleeper, unlike Bill who tossed around and slept in the most impossible positions, sometimes ending upside down in his bed.

Bill waited a few more minutes, just to make sure Tom was slumbering deeply and wouldn't notice his absence.

He tried to move a bit to test if Tom would notice, but there was no reaction. Bill slowly slipped away from Tom's grasp and tip toed to the door where he paused to take one last look at his sleeping brother; he knew he couldn't ever come back here, and later today they would go back to their apartment in Berlin and Tom would never again see Warren, which meant Bill had no more chances of impersonating him.

Bill's heart sank at the thought; he knew they could never be together, but now it was just more real than ever before.

Silently he closed the door and went back to his own room; he knew he had to get up in a few hours because they were returning to Berlin. He was exhausted and miserable.

After throwing his clothes to the floor, he climbed into bed; his empty, cold bed. He longed for Tom's warm body to keep him company, fully knowing that would never happen. Bill dwelled in cold, bitter loneliness for a few minutes, until sleep finally caught up with him, drowning him in a restless sleep.

~*~

Tom woke up from a rude thundering on his door. The first thing Tom noticed was that he was lying alone in bed. Warren was, once again, gone.

"Tom, get up, we're leaving!" came Bill's voice from the other side; now he began to hear other voices as well. Tom groaned and stared at his watch - it was only 9; he hadn't even slept three hours. The door burst open and Georg strolled in.

"Had a late night, buddy?" he grinned and looked around Tom's messy room; his clothes were scattered all over the floor and Tom looked less than badly rested.

Tom pulled the covers over his head.

"Leame' alone," he mumbled under the blankets. Georg yanked the covers away from Tom, leaving him curled up and completely naked.

"Oops, sorry," Georg said a little embarrassed and quickly threw the covers back over Tom's exposed body. Tom glared at him; he didn't really care if Georg saw him naked, he was pretty confident with his body, he was just annoyed that Georg had taken his covers.

Georg looked flustered before he laughed, and Tom could have sworn he had stared for one second too long, making him wonder if there was something about his band member he didn't know.

"Whoa, brought a biter home last night, huh? You look like someone beat you up," Georg laughed, and Tom looked down at his arms and chest; they were covered in hickies.

Bill took that moment to stick his head in the door; "Are you guys done yet? We're about to leave," he looked at Tom; there was a strange expression on his face that Tom couldn't quite read. Bill disappeared again with a quick "hurry up," on his way out.

~*~

It took all of Bill's strength not to stand in the door and stare. Tom's dreads were hanging around in every direction and he looked like a messy, grumpy, delicious, bruised waffle. Bill wanted to pounce on him and ravish him like there's no mañana, but instead he quickly left before Georg or Tom noticed him admiring his work from last night.

~*~

After Bill and Georg left, Tom slowly crawled out of the happiness of his bed; he was so tired he could have fallen asleep on the floor. He groped his way into the shower, almost tripping over his clothes that were spread all over the floor.

Once done showering, Tom proceeded to messily throw what was still unpacked of his stuff into his bags, not caring where it all landed. When he was finally done packing he went to the living room where people were running around, helping Bill with his bags and collecting the last few things still lying around their suite.

Tom carried his bags down with the rest of the stuff and half an hour later everyone was packed in the van to go to the airport.

Tom looked back at the hotel; somewhere in there was Warren.

"I forgot something," Tom said as he jumped out of the van and ran back to the hotel.

"Tom, where the hell are you going?" yelled someone from his team.

Tom ran up to the front desk where the receptionist stared at him in disbelief; "Hi, I'm looking for a friend of mine, his name is Warren and he's staying somewhere here, but I don't know in which room," Tom blurted out at her.

"I would require a last name, sir," the receptionist smiled at him.

'Crap,' Tom cursed in his mind; he had no idea what Warren's last name was.

"Um, I don't know. He's staying with his father," Tom felt really stupid; 'I'm looking for a friend and don't know his last name? She must think I'm totally retarded.'

The receptionist clicked around in her computer for a while, and after what seemed like an eternity to Tom, she finally found something.

"Warren Romwell. He's staying in room 265. It's on the second floor," the receptionist said and watched as Tom bolted to the elevator.

He jumped out of the elevator and ran down corridors, following the sign of the adequate room number. After a few turns he finally reached room number 265.

Tom hesitated, what was he going to say? He didn't even have a plan, and felt totally stupid just standing there; someone walked by and eyed him curiously. Tom took a deep breath and knocked.

Warren opened the door, his eyes widened in shock; "T-Tom, what are you doing here?" he stammered.

"I'm going back to Berlin, and I thought maybe if you're ever there, you could drop by, if you want to..." Tom felt so awkward; he had never asked anyone to come see him before. He was used to people dying to be with him, not him dying to be with someone.

Warren just gaped at him, making him a little nervous; did Warren not want to see him again? Tom was so edgy that he jumped as his cellphone announced a new message; he roamed through his pockets for a paper and pen, and quickly scribbled down his address and phone number. He knew giving it to Warren was a bit risky, but he was willing to take that chance.

"If you're ever in Berlin you could call me, if you want," Tom felt a bit shy for some unknown reason; "Or just drop by, or whatever," he quickly added.

Warren took the paper and beamed at him, nodding in agreement. Tom closed the short distance between them and gave him a quick kiss before running back down the corridor, hoping no one had seen that.

~*~

Bill watched Tom running back to the van, practically bouncing up and down with happiness. Bill wondered where Tom had gone, but there was no time to ask; they were already late. The van set in motion almost before Tom closed the door behind himself.

 

A few hours later they were having lunch on the plane back to Berlin, and Bill was just as tired as Tom seemed to be; they were both half zombies poking around in their food.

"Ok so we all know what Tom was doing last night, but why are you so tired, Bill?" Gustav quipped in between a mouthful of lunch.

Bill heard Tom and Georg snickering in the background. He felt a threatening blush approaching and quickly stated; "Tom was so loud last night I couldn't get any sleep."

Gustav and Georg burst out laughing while Tom was trying to hide his horror. For a second Bill could have sworn he saw a blush appear on Tom's cheeks.

"That wasn't me, it was the chick from the party," Tom scoffed, but Bill could see his embarrassment and had to hide his smile behind a shrug.

"Either way it was very loud."

Bill wondered why Tom didn't just admit that he had been with a man last night; he knew Georg and Gustav really wouldn't care, but the only person Tom had ever entrusted with that information was Bill.

The rest of the flight was rather uneventful; they talked about the highlights of the tour, and their plans now that they had a week off before starting on their new project.

Georg was going to visit his girlfriend and spend the entire week with her; Tom snorted loudly at this; they all knew Tom thought it was great that Georg had a steady girlfriend, but Tom was never going to admit that openly.

Gustav was going to visit his family and Bill's only plan was to sleep. 'Alone. Without Tom' Bill added dramatically in his mind.

Tom had no plan at all.

~*~

Finally Tom and his brother arrived in their shared apartment in Berlin, it was already late in the afternoon and Tom really wanted to get to bed, thankfully Bill seemed of a similar opinion.

"I'm going to bed," Bill announced after they brought in their entire luggage. Finally they were home again; Tom couldn't wait to crawl into his own bed and sleep. Of course that didn't happen because the doorbell rang.

"Alright, you guys ready to go?" asked David as he walked into their apartment. Both Bill and Tom looked at him as if he had sprouted a second head.

"You guys just got back, people want to know how your tour went; you have an interview with "Bravo" in an hour, so get ready. Bill you look terrible. Actually so do you Tom, what have you guys been doing?"

'Having sex,' Bill and Tom thought simultaneously, but neither said anything. 

"I'm going to die," Bill stated, matter-of-factly. 

Tom nodded his agreement; he really wasn't up for an interview right now either.

"You can die later, right now you have to get dressed, chop-chop," David urged them along.

Bill whined loudly in protest but disappeared into his room to get dressed anyway. Tom did the same; sometimes he really hated being famous. But just really sometimes.

"Alright, I am definitely going to bed right now," Tom said firmly when they walked into their apartment that evening - it was already 10pm and Bill was at the brink of passing out. Tom didn't seem much better.

"Yeah, I'm just quickly going to eat something, I'm so hungry," Bill answered, heading towards the kitchen.

"We haven't been here in two months, you're not going to find a lot in there," Tom reminded him. Bill felt his stomach protest loudly. Great.

"I'm also really hungry. We could order pizza, it would be here really quickly," Tom suggested. Bill nodded and searched for the pizza delivery.

They each ordered a large pizza and now sat in the kitchen, waiting. Tom's head was lying on the kitchen table and his eyes were closed. Bill felt uncomfortable; he wanted to say something, but didn't know what.

~*~

They sat there in silence, Bill obviously too tired to talk. Tom decided this was the right moment to inform Bill about Warren, after all he had given Warren their address and Bill deserved to know that. 

"Hey um..." Tom didn't really know what to say. He had never told Bill anything about anyone in his life since there had never really been anyone to talk about, at least not like this, and didn't really know how to approach the subject.

"Do you remember that guy... the one I met on the Maldives? You probably don't remember him. Warren?" Tom tried to be as casual as possible, but he was getting a little nervous.

~*~

Bill felt his heart begin to race as Tom mentioned Warren; maybe right now was the time he could tell him? He had to cut him off, right now, and confess that night; this was his chance.

"Yes, unlike you I actually remember some of the people you sleep with," Bill tried to keep his voice steady. 'Right now. Say it!' Bill yelled at himself, opening his mouth but no sound came out, so Tom continued.

"Well, I saw him again, last night. He was staying at our hotel," Tom seemed to be choosing his words very carefully; "And well... I kind of... gave him our address and stuff..." Tom peeked up at him carefully from the table.

Bill just stared in disbelief; he gave Warren their address?!

"Why?" was all Bill could say.

Tom looked a little uncomfortable; "I don't know, he's just really nice and I thought if he was ever in Berlin we could hang out a little."

Bill thought he wasn't hearing right; nice, hang out a little? What did that mean? Did Tom have feelings for Warren? Or more like... for Bill?

"Why would you do that?" Bill asked calmly.

Tom had never wanted to just hang out with anyone that wasn't in their already existing group of friends. Bill was almost too scared to hear the answer, he knew he was hoping against hope that Tom returned his feelings at least a little bit.

"I don't know," Tom sat up and fumbled around with his fingers on the table. He shrugged and continued; "He's just nice and I sort of enjoyed... being with him."

Bill couldn't help but laugh at Tom's choice of words. Usually Tom would go with words such as 'fucking him', 'banging him', or at the very least 'doing him'; but being with him was definitely new to Tom's vocabulary.

Tom glared at him; "Shut up Bill, just... if he shows up here, let him in."

Bill had never seen Tom looking so embarrassed.

"Alright, alright," Bill laughed, with every intention of sending Warren to hell should he ever show up at their door; "So... how come Warren gets our address and no one else does?" Bill pressed; he wanted to know what Tom thought, or felt. He had actually been of the opinion that it hadn't meant anything to his brother, but maybe he was wrong. Could it be that his brother really had, at least a few, feelings for him? The mere thought made Bill feel butterflies in his stomach.

"He gives great head, so he's worth keeping," Tom was back to his usual self, wickedly grinning at Bill, but Bill knew he was lying since, well... he had never given Tom a blowjob. Bill quickly got up and went to get something to drink, the thought of sucking Tom off making him blush.

"Oh yeah, now that's really a great reason to stay in touch with someone," Bill said sarcastically, opening a bottle of coke.

~*~

"Yeah, it's the only reason," Tom lied; he felt bad for saying things like this about Warren. Why couldn't he just tell Bill how much Warren meant to him? Bill would understand, of course he would, it was Bill. But somehow he was afraid if he actually spoke of it, the whole thing with Warren would be ruined.

Their pizza arrived and they ate mostly in silence, too exhausted to talk. Once the last slice of pizza was gone, they both went their separate ways to bed. As Tom entered his bedroom he saw Bill looking at him in that unusual way again, but Bill looked away quickly and closed the door to his bedroom. Tom shrugged, Bill had been acting so weird lately, who knew what he was thinking these days.

~*~

Bill felt loneliness overtake him as he watched Tom retreat into his room; he wished so much he could join him; he was so tired and just wanted someone to cuddle with. He felt so stupid; his brother never cuddled with anyone. 

They had been home for four days now, in which they mostly stayed in, played games and relaxed, only going out to walk their dogs or buy food, though mostly they had stuff delivered.

 

 

Bill woke up with a jolt; he was covered in sweat and breathing heavily. He had been dreaming about Tom. Again.

He felt his erection painfully trapped among the sheets, and sighed in defeat. He shifted, freeing himself from the heavy, sweaty covers, and reached down to stroke himself; it was the third night in a row that Bill woke up in the middle of the night, with a raging hard on that wouldn't let him sleep unless he tended to it first.

He was frustrated, and this was all Tom's fault; if he hadn't invited Bill, well actually Warren, into his bed, none of this would have ever happened.

It only took Bill a few hard strokes to bring himself to completion; he didn't like doing this, he just wanted to go back to sleep.

He went to the bathroom to wash himself, and looked at himself in the mirror; what had become of him? Waking up night after night, lusting after his brother; he felt terrible. Maybe he should look for a psychiatrist or something.

He sighed and went back to his bed; this was a nightmare.

After half an hour Bill still couldn't find any sleep, so eventually he decided to get up and look for something sweet in the kitchen. He roamed through drawers and eventually found a half-eaten package of Skittles; Bill didn't even want to know how long that had been lying in there.

He ate a few Skittles, but they tasted weird so he just threw the rest out.

He headed back to his room and paused at Tom's door; maybe if he stared long enough, he would be able to see through it and see what Tom was doing. 'Sleeping, what else is he gonna be doing at these unholy hours?' Bill mentally rolled his eyes at himself and looked at his watch; it was past 1am.

~*~

Tom felt someone softly touching his bare chest and smiled sleepily; 'Oh, this dream again,' he thought.

Suddenly he was wide wake; Wait a minute, this is actually happening! He was awake and not dreaming. Tom tried to get up but noticed his hands were restrained by some kind of rope or fabric.

"What the hell?!" Tom exclaimed in panic, his voice raspy from sleep.

"Who the hell are you and what do you wan-?" Tom's protest was silenced by a familiar tongue shoving itself into his mouth.

"Warren," Tom managed to breathe out between wild kisses.

Wait... what was Warren doing here in the middle of the night?

"What... are...you doing... here?" Tom whispered each word between a kiss; only now did he notice why it was so dark in here; he was blindfolded. Again.

"How did you get in? Did Bill open the door for you?" Tom didn't even care for the answer, he was totally thrilled that Warren was straddling him, and kissing the air from his lungs. 

Warren didn't say anything, he just nodded against Tom's mouth, and Tom wondered when his shirt had been removed; he felt Warren's bare arms brush against him and he yearned to feel more skin.

~*~

"Untie me," Tom whispered into Bill's ear, and Bill wanted to, but he knew he couldn't. He ignored Tom and kept kissing him; he had missed Tom's mouth so much. He ran his tongue over Tom's delicious lips, feeling for his piercing. 

Tom pulled on the restrains again, protesting his state, but Bill had no intention of changing it. Bill wanted this almost more than last time, and the few days in between had been torture for him; having to see Tom all the time and not being able to touch him was pure hell.

Bill was a lot more confident than last time, now certain that Tom enjoyed his attention.

~*~

Tom was certain that Warren was purposefully sitting on his hips, trapping his growing hard on. This time Warren wasn't so shy anymore, as he nibbled and kissed all over Tom's chest and neck, occasionally stopping to leave a mark here and there. Tom remembered counting 14 love bites last time, adorning his body from his neck to his thighs.

Warren shifting back and forth, rocking around on his hips, making him moan softly, as he grew harder with each movement. Warren laced their fingers as they kissed; Tom really enjoyed this hand holding thing, it was something he had very rarely done before, but was surprisingly pleasant. For a millisecond he had weird mental image of himself and Warren strolling somewhere holding hands; ok that was just weird; he quickly pushed the sappy fantasy away.

Warren began sliding down, kissing his chest, nibbling around on Tom's ticklish stomach to eventually reach the waistband of his sleeping pants. Tom felt Warren's hand softly stroke him through the thin fabric that was beginning to be uncomfortably tight, and he couldn't stop the groan that tore from his throat.

Tom took a few steadying breaths; this was so much better than the dreams he had had in the past few days.

Hesitantly, Warren's slipped his fingers inside Tom's clothes and felt their way around for their target. This had happened a lot quicker than last time where Warren was determined to torture him; Tom was relieved he didn't have to undergo that sweet torment again.

Somewhere in the back of his mind Tom was disagreeing with the current situation, it should be the other way around, why didn't Warren allow Tom to pleasure him for a change?

Tom decided to ask later because right now he was too busy keeping his voice down, knowing Bill would surely hear otherwise; that had been so embarrassing last time.

Warren began tugging on his clothes, and Tom lifted his hips a little to allow Warren to pull them off.

He heard as Warren threw them somewhere into a corner, and then began to slowly slide up his legs, his hot wet tongue trailing up his leg, softly nipping every now and then, running past his knee and to his thigh. Tom's erection quivered in apprehension, but Warren skipped out on it and kissed his way past Tom's hip bone; Tom groaned in exasperation.

Finally Warren's hand returned to his cock and traced it up and down with his fingers, once again exploring the, apparently, unknown feeling.

Tom gave a surprised yell as Warren suddenly took the tip of his cock into his mouth; he hadn't been prepared for that at all. Immediately Warren withdrew his fingers and mouth, sitting perfectly still next to Tom's legs.

~*~

Bill was horrified, had he done something wrong? Had he hurt Tom? Or did Tom not want him to do that? Bill wanted to apologize, but knew he couldn't or Tom would recognize him immediately.

"No, don't, it's ok, sorry," Tom mumbled incoherently.

'Don't what...?' Bill thought confused; 'don't do it, or don't stop?'

Tom seemed to sense his confusion; "You didn't do anything wrong," he said softly; "You're doing everything very right," he breathed out; "A little too right, maybe," Tom sounded amused and bewildered at the same time.

Hesitantly Bill reached out to touch him again with his hand. He looked at Tom's face for any clues; his lips were slightly parted and dry from his agitated breathing; he didn't seem upset.

A soft groan somewhere in Tom's chest encouraged Bill to try again.

~*~

Tom felt Warren's cool breath against his wet cock, and then he carefully ran his tongue over the tip, tasting him. Tom wanted to moan loudly, but was afraid to scare him off, so he bit his tongue instead. 

He wondered if this was Warren's first blowjob; just like the kiss, it was painfully slow and exploring. Warren licked and nibbled all over the place, testing which sounds he managed to lure from Tom who was going crazy; Warren's tongue was sometimes touching him so delicately he could barely feel it, and a moment later he proceeded to suck on him so hard he could scream. Just like with the kiss, Warren was completely inexperienced and seemed to have no idea of what he was doing, but his eager, curious mouth still managed to give him the best blowjob of his life.

Tom was used to the average blowjobs, in and out of someone's mouth until he came, but this was entirely different. Warren was just experimenting around to see what turned Tom on the most, and how far he could take him into his mouth without throwing up.

Tom almost had to laugh at Warren's playful curiosity; "You have to relax your throat muscles," he tried helpfully, though he knew this took a lot of practice and wouldn't just work from one moment to the next.

Apparently Warren decided to try that out anyway and sure enough, after a few tries he managed to take almost all of Tom's length into his mouth. Tom moaned loudly as Warren just kept him there, only moving his tongue around Tom's shaft; it was unlike anything he had ever felt before. It wasn't a feeling that he could orgasm to, but it was almost as good as an orgasm itself.

Tom wasn't sure how long Warren had been sucking him off, but it seemed like the longest blowjob he had ever had; he was getting sensitive and hoped Warren's curiosity would soon be satisfied. It wasn't.

It took Warren another half hour at least to get tired, at which point Tom was so sensitive, the touch of a feather would have been enough to bring him to completion.

Very softly, Warren let Tom's erection slide in and out of his mouth; Tom had never thought he could cum from such a soft touch, but it seemed to be perfect right now.

Dizzily he wondered if he should warn Warren because he had no idea if Warren wanted to swallow him or not, and if he did, he didn't want Warren to be caught off guard and choke on it.

~*~

Bill absently heard Tom's voice somewhere above him; "Warren?" Tom's voice was raspy and jumbled.

"I'm going to cum in a second..." Tom moaned; Bill got even more curious and carried on with his task, keen to find out what his brother tasted like; this whole blowjob thing hadn't been half as terrible as he had imagined it to be. The thought had always seemed somewhat gross to Bill, but now that he was actually doing it, it was pretty fun; that might have also been due to the person he was doing it with though.

~*~

Tom moaned loudly and his body shook a little; Bill felt Tom's bittersweet, salty essence fill his mouth while he tried to swallow and keep his steady rhythm at the same time. He kept moving his tongue and mouth around Tom until he had licked him up entirely and Tom was lying still, his chest raising and falling rapidly.

Slowly Bill moved back up to Tom's head; he wanted to kiss him, but wasn't sure if Tom would be ok with that right now; he remembered Tom telling him a few times that he hated kissing people who had just blown him, so it was probably better not to.

While Bill lay down next to his brother, Tom turned his head searching for his lips; maybe he didn't care right now...? Bill carefully leaned in, still not entirely convinced.

~*~

Tom captured Warren's lips with his own; he was still breathless but eager to kiss him. He could taste himself in Warren's mouth, and for some weird reason it didn't bother him at all. Warren was obviously a little unsure about the kiss, but Tom wanted to show him that he was perfectly fine with being kissed right now. It seemed to work because Warren deepened the kiss, running his hand through Tom's dreads.

Warren curled close to him, and Tom wished the other boy would be wearing fewer clothes; he wanted their skin to melt together, but Warren was wearing pants. 'At least he's shirtless,' Tom thought amused; that was an improvement from last time.

"Are you going to untie me?" Tom asked quietly after a while, his arms aching a little, but most of all he finally wanted to touch Warren.

Warren slowly reached up and untied him, pulling his hands down and cuddling so close to Tom, he could barely move.

Tom freed one hand from Warren and wanted to undo the blindfold, but Warren's hand stopped him and pulled him back down.

Tom laughed softly; "You want me to keep it on?"

Warren nodded silently, crawling even closer to him. Tom smiled and wrapped his arms around him; Warren was so weird. But Tom found himself not minding it at all; this whole not being able to see thing was exciting; Tom loved it.

Lazily Tom ran his hand over Warren's slender shoulders and began kissing him. He wanted to make it up to him for the, already two times, Warren had privileged him, but Warren pulled Tom's hands off him and turned him onto his back again. He felt Warren move around a bit, and suddenly it was silent. Tom heard a door open and then close.

He pulled the blindfold off; the room was dark aside from the light shining in from the street. Tom looked around; Warren was gone. Again.

Hastily he jumped out of bed and ran outside, but the apartment was dark and deserted. For a little while Tom just stood there in the hall staring at the front door. Warren had left as silently and unseen as he had arrived.

An excited shiver raked through his body; whatever game Warren was playing, he liked it and hoped it would go on for a long time. He strolled back to his room, fantasizing about the next time Warren would sneak into his bed at night, uninvited and unannounced.


	7. Chapter 7

Bill got out of bed just in time for lunch, the images of last night still fresh in his memory. He really thought Tom would recognize him; he thought Tom would kick and scream until he reveled himself and told Tom the truth, but instead Tom had assumed him as Warren right away and let him stay. He felt guilty for betraying and using his brother like that, but on the other hand... Tom had started it. 'It's all his fault, I'm not to be blamed,' Bill tried to ease his conscience.

He didn't even dare think of what he was truly doing, the thought of abusing Tom made him sick.

Tom walked into the kitchen, yawning extensively; "Thanks for last night," Tom smiled, a little embarrassed.

"No problem," 'I'll gladly do it any day,' Bill added in his mind and smiled casually.

"I hope we didn't wake you," he added with a mischievous grin; Bill just chuckled. 'We? More like you.' 

Tom was surprisingly noisy in the bedroom, though Bill had never heard him before this whole Warren issue started; was that just because he had never been close enough to hear, or was Tom generally louder with him...? There was something really alluring in that.

"So are you going to see Warren again?" asked Bill casually; Tom usually told him a lot of dirty details after his one night stands, but he had never spoken like that about Warren. It made Bill wonder what exactly was going on in his brother.

"I don't know... I hope so," Tom sounded a little reluctant; he carefully looked at Bill's reaction, as if waiting for Bill to say something bad. Did Tom think he wouldn't agree with it?

"That's really great," Bill wanted to encourage Tom to be a little more open, to assure him that he agreed. Of course he agreed... as long as Tom didn't actually sleep with the real Warren.

~*~

Tom was relieved when Bill didn't make fun of him, he didn't even know why he thought Bill would, but it was great to know that Bill agreed on this. For some reason Bill's opinion was very important to him, even if he would rather bite his tongue off than ever admit it.

"Did Warren tell you where he was staying? Or for how long?" Tom tried to be nonchalant, even if Bill already knew that Warren was more than a one-time thing; he wasn't quite ready for anyone to know just how much Warren truly meant to him; he was still a little unsure on that part himself. He didn't really know what to call it, or how to classify it. Plus he had no idea what Warren thought about all this; he was more the strong, silent type.

"No, he didn't really talk much," Bill said as he sipped his coffee.

Tom smiled; "Yeah, he doesn't really talk a lot." Sometimes Tom wished Warren would talk just a little bit more; he actually wanted to get to know him better. ' _Wow, I do?_ ' Tom was surprised at himself, since he usually never cared much about what people were saying, especially ones he had sex with. He preferred it if they just shut up, unless of course the sound they were making was... like the sounds Warren could make; not that anyone else was capable of doing that, but whatever.

Tom sighed at himself, no matter what the topic was, lately all his thoughts brought him back to Warren - it was insane. He wondered if Warren had to think about him all the time too. Probably not.

Tom mentally slapped himself for being such a pansy; what the hell was wrong with him lately? Warren should be thanking his lucky stars that Tom even allowed him in his bed. Yes, that.

Two days later Tom regretted thinking those words; it had already been two days and Warren hadn't come back. Tom tried to calm himself; 'It's only been two days. He has a life somewhere', but it wasn't helping. In a few days they had to get back to work; they had to finally finish their album, and Warren wouldn't be hanging out in Berlin forever either.

Had Warren changed his mind? Had he gotten bored? Had he gone home? Tom didn't even know where Warren lived. He knew nothing about him.

Tom had googled him, but he had found nothing, not even a facebook page.

~*~

Bill noticed how anxious and irritable Tom had gotten in the past two days; they had actually wanted to visit their parents in Loitsche, but Tom refused to go, and Bill began to wonder if it had anything to do with Warren. Could it be that Tom's behavior was a reaction to what had happened? Tom was usually laid back and relaxed, whereas Bill was the one freaking out over details and getting anxious over nothing.

He watched as Tom flipped through the TV channels without even staying long enough to see what was on; he almost had to laugh at Tom's rabid temper.

"Stop!" Tom's horrified voice tore through Bill's body like an earthquake, but he refused to let his brother go; he wanted this too much to care about Tom's opinion on the matter.

Violently he pushed himself into his brother's trembling body again, ignoring his pain filled cries; the only thing he was aware of was how incredible it felt.

"Don't do this to me! Please stop it!" Tom begged, tugging harshly on the chains around his bleeding wrists.

Bill didn't listen; he dug his nails into his brother's sides, steadying himself and leaving behind bruised skin. His brother's tight body was so hot, Bill could hardly stand it; he wanted to do this forever. He wanted to hurt him forever.

"I want to hear you screaming my name," Bill whispered in Tom's ear.

"Stop!" Tom screamed, trying to fight him off; "I don't want this!"

"I don't care what you want," Bill replied harshly, scratching his nails along Tom's sensitive skin and leaving ugly, bleeding marks behind.

"Stop!" his twin begged desperately; "Bill!!"

Bill jolted awake, panting and gasping, and desperately searched for the switch to his beside lamp. He stumbled out of bed and dashed to the bathroom where he made it to the sink just as his stomach presented him with last night's dinner.

He was trembling and sweating; in his dream Tom had begged him to stop and to let him go, but for some inexplicable reason Bill didn't, he just kept on hurting him.

Tears stung his eyes as he coughed and heaved into the sink, unable to control the horrible images his mind presented him with.

After his stomach had nothing left to give, washed it out with hot water and then slowly dropped down next to the sink, unable to remain standing . He didn't want to hurt Tom, he loved him. In every meaning of the word.

Miserably, Bill wrapped his arms around his legs and sobbed into his knees uncontrollably; this was all so messed up. He felt so alone and confused; he wanted to tell Tom and apologize, he wanted Tom to hold him and tell him everything would be alright, but of course he knew if he told him the truth he would lose him forever; not just as the lover he so desperately wanted Tom to be, but also as a brother. He couldn't tell him. He knew sooner or later his secret would come out, and Tom would turn away from him; sooner or later he would lose everything.

Silently, Bill cried on his bathroom floor until he was shivering from the cold; eventually he got up, brushed his teeth and crawled back into his abandoned bed.

Even after an hour though, sleep still wouldn't come; Bill tossed and turned every few minutes, not being able to get any rest; the images of his dream still haunting him. He had to go see him; he had to know Tom was alright.

Slowly he got up, stalked to the door and peeked outside; there was Tom's door. He tiptoed over and knocked softly; there was no answer.

Carefully he turned the handle; Tom's room was dark and quiet. He made his way to Tom's bed and looked at his twin; Tom was sleeping peacefully, no sign of any disturbance. Bill sighed in relief, of course he knew it had only been a dream, but seeing Tom was alright made him feel a lot better. 

Bill stood there for a few minutes, just watching his brother sleep; he was lying right there, so close, and yet so unreachable.

Warily, he stretched out a trembling hand and rested it on Tom's sleeping shoulder; it was warm and comforting.

Holding his breath, he carefully climbed into Tom's bed, trying not to wake him. As Bill scooted closer to his brother, Tom stirred a little in his sleep and shifted, allowing Bill to lie down beside him. Bill moved as close to Tom as he dared, and just remained there for a while, letting Tom's presence erase all his loneliness and sorrow.

He had intended to leave after a while, but soon enough his exhaustion captured him and he drifted off into the best sleep he had had in months.

~*~

Tom felt comfortably warm as he drifted back into reality the next morning; he had had an amazingly peaceful sleep. He felt someone's body resting just inches away; Tom smiled. He didn't even remember Warren creeping into his bed last night. Had Warren shown up but not woken him for a crazy round of hot, passionate, midnight sex? 

Tom found himself not minding at all, and pulled the familiar body close him, wrapping his arms around the slender waist. He stretched his neck to take a look at Warren and nearly screamed, jumping back so fast he fell off the bed with a painful thud.

Carefully he peeked over the edge of the bed; sure enough, Bill was lying there. Tom thanked the heavens he hadn't began groping what he believed to be Warren's sleeping body. What the hell was Bill doing in his bed?!

It only took a moment for Tom to notice Bill's tear-stained face and the bags under his eyes; he looked awful and miserable. Tom felt his annoyance disappear as he watched his little brother sleeping, curled into a little ball of sadness and despair.

It had been a long time since Bill had crawled into Tom's bed at night; when they were kids and something bad happened, Bill would sometimes come into his bed at night and cry, but that had been years ago. Something was obviously bothering Bill and he needed comfort. Tom crawled back into his bed and settled next to his brother who edged a little closer in his sleep, wrapping an arm around Tom's waist.

Tom felt more than uncomfortable; he knew Bill was very huggy, and when they were kids he often allowed Bill to cuddle him but now that they were grownups, this was kinda weird.

~*~

Bill felt warm and happy as he began to wake. He tightened his grip around Tom's waist and- 'OMG Tom's waist?!' Bill screamed in his mind and stiffened in shock. He was still in Tom's bed. 'Oh god,' Bill thought in horror; he hadn't left and now it was morning. He didn't dare move, fearing he would wake Tom.

After a few moments he carefully let go of Tom's waist and looked up. Horrified, he found Tom smiling down at him, a little amused. Bill felt heat rising in his cheeks, and quickly pulled away.

~*~

Tom had to laugh at Bill's flustered face; clearly he hadn't intended on hugging him so tightly and this situation was uncomfortable for him too.

"Are you feeling better?" Tom didn't want to make the situation more awkward than it already was and began to get up. Bill just nodded silently, studying the blanket intensely.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" Tom tried to be gentle and calm though he wasn't very good at these kinds of conversations, but he could clearly see Bill was very disturbed.

Bill bit his bottom lip and carefully looked at Tom through messy strands of hair hanging in his face; "I dreamt that you got hurt and I lost you," he mumbled stupidly.

Tom smiled fondly; his brother was so cute sometimes; what kind of a young grownup felt that way? And if they did, who would dare speak it out loud?

"You're not going to lose me, Bill, we'll always be together. We were born together and somehow, I don't know how, but somehow, we will die together, too," Tom assured him, and he truly believed this. Bill was the most important person in his life, and he always would be, no matter whom Tom met or what he did. 

~*~

Bill felt a painful jab in his chest; he wished so much his brother could keep that promise.

Tom gave him a heartwarming smile and motioned to the kitchen; "You hungry?"

Bill wasn't very hungry, it always took a little while before he got hungry in the morning, but he followed Tom into the kitchen anyway because he wanted to get away from the awkward waking moment.

 

The following night, Bill decided to visit Tom again.

His heart beat in his throat as he entered Tom's room, if Tom woke up right now and turned the light on, it would all be over.

He knew he shouldn't be here; he should stop all this and leave Tom alone, but he couldn't. By now just staying away from Tom during the day was almost physically painful to him. It was as if being close to him had become a necessity, like eating or breathing; Bill couldn't function properly without him anymore.

Silently Bill tiptoed to Tom's bandana drawer and pulled a handful out. He barely dared to breathe as he softly tied Tom's hands separately to the bed, using a third one to blindfold him, thanking the stars that Tom was such a sound sleeper.

Softly he kissed his brother's lips, willing him to wake up. First Tom stirred a little and mumbled in confusion, but after a moment he was wide awake and kissed back affectionately.

Finally being able to feel Tom's lips again was pure bliss, and Bill hungrily kissed him as if he was half starved to death.

He slid his hands up Tom's shirt, letting them dwell in the warmth of his half sleeping brother.

All too soon, Tom broke the kiss; "Don't tie me up tonight," he whispered against Bill's lips; "Please, not tonight," he pleaded softly; "I promise I'll leave the blindfold on, just let me touch you."

Bill swallowed; his brother's tone and words provoking an unusual sensation in his lower stomach. Should he do it? He really wanted to let Tom touch him, it was a touch he had longed for since the night on the Maldives, but it was also very risky. Bill was glad he had removed his eyebrow piercing because if Tom touched that, it was a dead giveaway.

But what if Tom was lying and had every intention to remove the blindfold? What if Tom suspected Warren was, in fact, not Warren but someone else?

'Maybe it would be better that way, then this whole mess would finally be over...'

~*~

Tom really hoped Warren would finally have mercy and untie him. He had been dying to touch him for months, to actually be able to hold him again. It was actually rather weird; usually he was pretty satisfied just with getting off, but somehow lately he had really wanted more out of all this.

After a few moments Warren finally undid the restraints; Tom wanted to pounce on him and kiss him ten times to yesterday, but knew it would probably just freak Warren out, so instead he blindly felt his way to Warren's head, digging his fingers into Warren's unusually coarse hair. For a moment Tom wondered what crazy things Warren did to his hair to make it like that, it felt almost like Bill's messed up mane.

He kissed Warren and finally let his suppressed craving loose; his hands began to travel down Warren's amazingly thin body, reaching under his shirt and softly tugging it upwards. Tom momentarily broke the kiss to pull Warren's shirt over his head, and the other boy followed his lead and began pushing Tom's shirt up as well; Tom swiftly disposed of it. He could finally feel Warren's unbelievable, soft, warm skin again. It was like a glass of fresh water after being thirsty for over two months.

Warren pushed him on his back and straddled him again; Tom had to smile; 'Someone likes being on top...'

He placed his hands on Warren's waist and couldn't help but notice how perfect they fit there.

Warren leaned forward on his left hand and began kissing him again, his free hand playing with his dreads while Tom wrapped his arms around Warren's slim, unusually handy body; he was so easy to embrace; he had the perfect size to be hugged and held. Tom pulled Warren down until he was lying square on top of him, their naked chests melting together.

Tom was stunned at Warren's light weight; Warren was only a few inches shorter than Tom, but a considerable amount lighter.

All thoughts of weights and heights left Tom's brain as Warren's tongue began running up the rim of his ear, making a shiver run down his spine.

'Not tonight,' Tom decided firmly; tonight was Warren's turn to be pampered.

He grabbed Warren's arms and easily flipped him over, straddling him; he heard Warren give a little surprised shriek at the sudden movement, but he didn't try to object. He leaned down and began kissing him intensely, their positions now exactly reversed.

~*~

For a moment Bill freaked out, but Tom seemed to have no intention of removing the blindfold, instead he began to affectionately kiss every inch of Bill's upper body.

Bill hadn't even realized how much he had missed this; all he could do was lie there and let Tom have his way with him. He never wanted to move ever again. 

Tom carried on with his intensive care for quite a while until Bill couldn't handle it anymore. He took a handful and Tom's dreads and pulled him towards his face, hungrily finding his way into his twin's delightful mouth.

The dream from the night before was still vivid in Bill's memory, both scaring and exciting him; what would it be like to be inside his brother? But would he really dare try? He knew that Tom didn't bottom for anyone, so he probably wouldn't even let him. No, it was probably a bad idea.

Bill's thoughts were chased from his mind by Tom's hand that began caressing his hard on, reminding him that it had been a long time since his brother had touched him like that. He couldn't stop a quiet moan from escaping his lips at the touch he had been dreaming of for so long.

Tentatively, Bill reached down to return the pleasurable touch, finding his brother just as turned on as he was; by now Bill thought he was rather good at this, and barely blushed as he traced his fingers over the impossibly soft skin.

Apparently this wasn't what Tom wanted though, because he began moving back down Bill's body, kissing down his chest to his stomach, before heading lower; Bill gave a whimpering moan as he felt Tom's breath across his sensitive skin right before the tip of his tongue licked the head of his cock, eliciting a ragged gasp from Bill. Obviously Tom wasn't in a hurry tonight for he continued in the soft, slow pace, letting Bill enjoy every movement; it was pure bliss.

After another few minutes of the thorough care from Tom's lips and tongue, his brother blindly reached over to his nightstand looking for something that Bill could only assume was lube. He wasn't sure how he felt about having sex again; the last time had been months ago on the Maldives, and even though Bill was waiting for it to happen again, now that it was actually happening, he got nervous. He really hoped Tom would be careful; he had been last time, but then again... he also thought that had just been a game to Bill.

Once Tom was done coating the fingers of his right hand, his mouth returned to Bill's fading erection while his lubricated fingers began circling his entrance, making Bill even more anxious and nervous than before.

He tried to mentally prepare himself for the unfamiliar intrusion he knew was coming, but no matter how much he told himself that this wasn't going to hurt, he was completely unable to relax under Tom's touch.

Very slowly his brother inserted a finger into him, causing him to flinch; just like the first time, it wasn't painful, but uncomfortable and unfamiliar. Bill had the strong urge to wriggle away, but tried to remain calm and relax.

Tom slowly lifted his head, the loss of contact only making the sensation even more unwanted.

"Warren?" Tom whispered softly, his hand remaining still inside of Bill as he slowly moved up towards his head.

Of course Bill couldn't say anything, so he just remained silent, trying to keep his heartbeat to a minimum.

"That time... that time on the Maldives, was that the first time you... the first time you did something like this?" Tom finally finished, obviously not knowing how to phrase it properly.

Bill wasn't sure what was wise to tell him; if he nodded, Tom would think that he was perfectly comfortable with this, but if he shook his head... Tom would know that he had lost his virginity that night.

On one hand he really wanted Tom to know that; he wanted him to know how much that had meant to him, but on the other... he wanted Tom to think that he was perfectly fine with just casual, meaningless sex. Which of course Bill wasn't fine with at all, but he knew Tom would probably be freaked out if he knew just how strongly Bill felt for him... even if he believed those feelings to be Warren's. Tom hated it when someone got too touchy feely with him, and as soon as anyone wanted more than sex from him, he made sure to ban them from his life right away.

Eventually he just nodded his head very hesitantly; it didn't matter if Tom was freaked out; he hated the fact that his brother didn't know what he had taken that night.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Tom whispered almost desperately; "Warren I'm really sorry... that night I... I thought you were just acting..." he mumbled softly, burying his head in Bill's hair.

Bill shook his head again, desperately wanting to say something but knowing he couldn't.

"Did I hurt you...?" his brother asked a bit dismayed, but Bill quickly shook his head again; it had hurt a bit but Tom didn't need to know that.

"I'm really sorry if I was too rough..." he murmured as he began kissing him again.

~*~

Tom wanted to kick himself; how had he not noticed that? How could he have believed all that had been a game to the other boy? Well to be fair the whole handcuffs thing had been his idea, but still... who wanted that on their first time anyway...? 

Already for a long time Tom had been suspecting that Warren was very new to all this; either that, or he was the best actor Tom had ever met, but now knowing that it had been his first time was overwhelming for him; he wanted to be the only person Warren was ever with. He wanted to be special to him. As special as he was for Tom.

~*~

Bill smiled at the apology he never thought he would hear; it's not like he was angry at Tom for it, but it was still nice to hear.

"Do you want me to stop?" he asked, breaking the gentle kiss.

Now that Bill had the option, he actually didn't. He well remembered how amazing that had felt after a while; it was just the beginning that he didn't really like. Perhaps now it would also be that good again?

Slowly he shook his head, finding his brother's lips again. Tom nodded into the kiss, very slowly beginning to move his finger again which was still inside of Bill.

Once Tom's mouth had returned to Bill's erection, he slowly began to enjoy the feeling; there was something pleasant about it even if Bill couldn't quite make out what it was. The thought of something like this actually scared him a bit, but the fact that it was Tom was very reassuring, and the sensation turned pleasurable very soon; Bill involuntarily began rocking his hips with his brother's increasingly fast movement, and moaned loudly when his brother's skilled hand brushed against that spot that made him see stars.

~*~

Tom smiled, wanting to shush Warren up, fearing he might wake Bill, but eventually decided against it; he could handle a grumpy Bill in the morning.

No matter how much Tom wanted to replace his hand with a different part of his body, he knew that having sex with Warren wasn't such a good idea right now; he was incredibly tense and it would probably not be all that good for him. Tom really wanted to make it up to him for what had happened that night; he felt incredibly guilty and wanted things to move slower. He wanted them to be right.

He well remembered having kicked him out right afterwards... how could he? Warren had just given him his virginity and Tom kicked him out with the cheap excuse that Bill would freak out if he saw him; at that moment he hated himself more than ever for having done that.

It didn't take long for Warren to reach his peak, and with a few delightful moans he released his pleasure into Tom's mouth; it was the same taste as it had been back then and again Tom found he liked it; was it really because Warren tasted different, or was it just because he felt different about him...?

Slowly he crept up Warren's sweaty chest and rested his head on it, listening to the quickened heartbeat.

Shakily Warren's hand found its way to Tom's shoulders, the boy's cold fingers curling into Tom's dreads.

Very softly the hand began tugging at his shoulder, trying to turn him around, but Tom was determined not to do this tonight; partly because he just wanted Warrant to be able to relax and enjoy it, and partly because he wanted to punish himself for having been such a dick the first night they met; of course he knew this didn't give any merit to Warren, but at least it would make him feel better.

"Don't," Tom mumbled quietly, wrapping his warm hand around the boy's shaking one; "Let's just lay here for tonight, ok?"

~*~

Bill could hardly believe his ears; was Tom saying what he thought he was saying...? Did he just... not want to tonight? He just wanted Bill to have a good time? A fleeting moment long Bill had to think that maybe this wasn't Tom at all, but some alien that was impersonating him; either that or Tom really cared about him. The alien theory was more likely though.

"I don't want you to see anyone else," Tom suddenly murmured.

Bill stared into the darkness; 'What?!' he was certain he had misunderstood him; what did he just say?

"I want... I want you to only be with me. Always," Tom slurred incoherently.

Was this Tom's way of establishing a relationship? Bill thought he was dreaming; did Tom really want to be... exclusive with him? Did that mean his twin would finally stop whoring around?

Bill didn't really believe he was capable of that, but nodded against Tom's shoulder; it's not like he had any intention of sleeping with anyone else anyway, and he couldn't really do much more than nod.

So that settled it then; Bill was officially in a relationship with Tom - without Tom's knowledge. And Tom was officially in a relationship with Warren - without Warren's knowledge.


	8. Chapter 8

Bill had successfully managed to slip away again without Tom having noticed that it was him, and so their game continued, driving Bill deeper and deeper into his own fantasies that he began to confuse with reality.

Just a few days after that night, he nearly kissed Tom over breakfast; in his mind it was becoming the most natural thing, and he was craving another night with his brother. Four days without him were torture, and when Tom suddenly stood so close to him while they made pancakes, Bill had nearly done the unthinkable without even noticing.

"What?" Tom laughed as Bill suddenly came dangerously close to his face before he managed to stop himself and quickly pulled away.

"Sorry," Bill laughed, trying to regain his composure.

Tom's innocent eyes revealed that he thought Bill had just stumbled into him, and painfully reminded Bill that his brother had no idea what was happening between them. Of course not... Tom only thought about Warren. 

 

Their life carried on as ever while they tried to juggle private and professional life, and still catch a few hours of sleep somewhere in between. They were down at the studio for hours nearly every single day, and in the evening Bill was always too exhausted to be brave enough to venture into his brother's forbidden bedroom, no matter how much he may have wanted to.   
A small part of him wanted Tom to know the truth, but the other was so scared of him finding out that he barely dared to talk to people anymore; he was beginning to get paranoid, and every time someone said that they had to talk to him about something, Bill was certain they had found out his secret; it was beginning to drive him mad.

"Hey um..." Tom began over a late dinner that evening; it was already close to midnight but they had just gotten in after a long recording session and made some quick dinner before bed. "I was just thinking... um..." Tom continued awkwardly, poking around in his food — Bill raised an eyebrow at his brother's weird behavior.

"What?" he almost laughed; Tom looked so cute when he fidgeted, biting around on his lip ring; that delicious lip ring that Bill hadn't been able to touch in days. 

"Well... If... If Warren shows up would you please let him in?" Tom nearly stumbled over his words, and if Bill hadn't known any better, he would have thought the dreadhead had been blushing just a tiny bit.

"Sure," Bill shrugged casually even though he was bubbling on the inside; did Tom miss him as much as he missed Tom? "So what's going on between you guys, huh?" he asked in the same light tone, not wanting to freak his brother out, despite dying to know what his brother might think and feel about this.

"Oh, um... nothing really. We're just hanging out," Tom mumbled with a shrug, avoiding Bill's gaze.

"Right," Bill chuckled; he had never seen Tom being so awkward before; "Come on, tell me!" he urged him on with another laugh.

Tom smiled a bit, giving him an almost shy look; "I don't really know what to call it..."

"But you like him right? He's... special, right?" Bill really wanted to hear those words; he wanted to be special to Tom; he wanted to be different than all those others that he had been with.

Tom looked back down at his plate, his smile widening a bit; "Yeah... he is," he replied softly.

It took all of Bill's strength not to pounce across the table and kiss him right there on the spot; Tom had just admitted that he was special. He was different than all others. Bill was completely over the moon. 

 

That had been all the encouragement Bill needed, and so he found himself in Tom' bedroom the following evening; he hadn't dared yesterday because that might have been suspicious, but one day later had to be safe because Bill couldn't wait any longer.

Silently he retrieved one of Tom's bandanas and approached his sleeping brother. Carefully the placed it over his eyes, gently moving his head so he managed to tie it, and then softly settled next to him, wanting to kiss him awake like last time.

"I was wondering when you'd show up again," Tom suddenly grinned, nearly giving him a heart attack; he'd been awake! Had he seen him?

Tom sat up, blindly reaching towards him and pulling him closer. Apparently he hadn't, Bill concluded when Tom began kissing him hungrily.

~*~

Tom was ecstatic; finally Warren was here again. He had actually wanted to turn on the light when he had heard him coming in, but decided it would be more fun to wait and see what he would do.

Warren's fingers raked through his dreads while the boy kissed him back with the same passion Tom felt; five days was far too long.

"Warren?" Tom whispered, breaking the kiss; the other boy didn't answer, like always.

"Wait..." he mumbled, blindly fumbling around on his nightstand, knocking a few things over before finally finding what he was looking for.

"You don't always have to wake Bill," he said and placed the spare key to their apartment in Warren's hand; he was perfectly aware of what insane thing he was doing — giving a near stranger a key to their apartment was insane, but Tom was so crazy about him he was willing to take that leap of faith; his desire for this was greater than his paranoia.

~*~

Bill stared slack-jawed at the key that Tom gave him; seriously? Tom was actually giving him a key? Not that Bill needed it, of course, but Tom didn't know that, so that meant he wanted him to be able to come and go as he pleased. Did Tom truly trust him so much?

Since he wasn't able to reply, Bill just wrapped his arms around his brother's neck and kissed the air from his lungs. Tom chuckled softly, returning the kiss passionately.

~*~

Tom was relieved with Warren's reaction for he had half expected him to freak out because Tom was moving so fast, but apparently he didn't care; maybe Warren did feel just the same.

The kisses went on for another while, but soon enough they broke apart to catch their breath, and Warren pushed him back down into the pillows, settling himself on top of him and pinning his hands down on either side of his head — Tom grinned into the darkness; that seemed to be Warren's favorite position.

After another round of heated kissing, they finally discarded the shirts that were becoming far too hot for Tom's taste, and Warren slowly moved down his body, nipping and sucking on random parts that caused Tom to moan in appreciation — Warren just knew him too well.

Far sooner than last time, Warren tugged on his pants, and Tom lifted his hips a bit to allow him to pull them off before he returned to the attentive tongue massage Tom had received earlier. His thin fingers wound themselves around Tom's erection, softly stroking him while his mouth travelled lower with an agonizingly slow pace, though it was still a lot more daring than at the beginning — Warren adapted quickly.

Once settled comfortably between Tom's legs, Warren nudged them further apart to grant himself better access; Tom just smiled absently, entertained by the boy's ever growing confidence. Warren was turning quite dominant, groping him all over the place while he began sucking him off; Tom just moaned, not caring if he woke his brother up — this was just too good to be quiet. Usually he never felt like showing the other person how much he appreciated their doing, but with Warren it was something else; he wanted him to hear how good he was.

A surprised yelp escaped his lips and he jerked away when Warren suddenly let his hand travel a little too far back, tracing his fingers over Tom's sensitive entrance; that was a bit too dominant for Tom's taste. As much as he enjoyed sleeping with men, he never took on the passive part; it just wasn't something he wanted to do.

"Warren... I don't bottom," he mumbled awkwardly, hoping the guy wouldn't be angry at him; usually he wouldn't have cared what the other guy thought, but now...

Warren remained silent and unmoving, so Tom slowly felt around for his body again, edging closer to him; why couldn't Warren just say something for once? Tom sighed, reaching up to remove the blindfold - he wanted to talk about this, however before he even reached it, Warren pushed him back down into the bed, straddling him again.

With surprising strength, Warren twisted Tom's arms over his head, all the while kissing him fiercely. Tom groaned quietly; "Warren..." he mumbled in between the kiss; he didn't actually want to wrestle the other boy for it, but he also didn't want to... be in that vulnerable position. He had never done that because he refused to let the other person have control of the situation; he wanted to be the one who set the pace and who had control over what was done and what wasn't. He just didn't trust people. But this was Warren... Did he really dare trust Warren? He wanted to. And Warren didn't seem to take no for an answer.

A sharp nipping on his lip ring told Tom that Warren didn't agree with his 'one way' policy, and so Tom just gave up the little resistance he'd been straining against the other boy's hands, letting his arms fall limply against the mattress. Maybe he could trust Warren with this... even though Warren had never done this before and had no idea what was expecting him. Should he really let a virgin do his first time...? Somehow that didn't sound very good but... Tom really didn't want to be with anyone else, so sooner or later... he would probably end up giving in to Warren anyway — might as well be now.

~*~

Bill was satisfied with Tom's surrender; no way was he just going to let Tom on top all the time. If Bill trusted Tom enough with this, he expected the same in return from him. Of course he knew that Tom had never done that before, but then again, neither had Bill before Tom had... done what he did. And the fact that Tom had never done that with anyone just turned him on even more; there was one thing Tom had never done with anyone else, and Bill wanted to be the first one - the only one, for that matter. Bill wanted Tom to give to him what Tom had taken from him. Not that Bill still resented him for it; if Tom wouldn't have been such a twisted moron, none of this would have ever happened, but still — Bill wanted the last 'first time' that Tom still had left.

After retrieving the lubricant from the nightstand, Bill moved back down to his earlier spot only to find that Tom was apparently more nervous about this than Bill had initially thought; clearly he needed a bit more attention before they could move on.

Oddly enough, finding his brother so nervous caused Bill to relax; at least there was one thing his brother wasn't experienced in yet — that knowledge made Bill confident and daring.

After less than a minute of intensive care from Bill's meanwhile skilled tongue, Tom was ready enough for Bill's taste so he pressed the head of the bottle, coating his fingers with the cold, smooth gel. Making sure to keep his mouth full, Bill slowly reached towards Tom's sensitive, puckered flesh and stroked over it, causing his brother to stiffen immediately — obviously this was going to be a time-consuming task.

~*~

Tom felt like twisting away from the unfamiliar touch, but forced himself to remain still. He would have never thought that something like this would afford such an enormous amount of trust on his part; a trust that countless people had given to him so easily, and yet he had never been able to return it. He didn't actually want to do — the thought just freaked him out. Being on the other end was so much easier.

Yet he remained silent and unmoving while Warren's cold fingers played around with him in Warren's usual inexperienced, curious fashion. So far he had made no attempt to actually reach inside Tom, but just remained on the outside, stroking the tense muscles that Tom was trying to relax. The sensation wasn't much of a turn on for Tom, but not really a turn off either; it was an unusual feeling he was trying to get used to.

It didn't take very long for the combination of Warren's enthusiastic tongue and inquisitive fingers to elicit a pleasured moan from Tom, and slowly he began to relax against the stroking which began to get rather pleasant.

Apparently this had been the cue Warren was waiting for, because he slowly pushed one digit inside him, causing Tom to instinctively try to close his legs, accidentally smacking Warren's head.

"S-sorry," Tom quickly apologized, trying to keep his voice together; Warren made a soft growling sound somewhere in his throat which vibrated around Tom's cock, causing goose-bumps to run rampant all over Tom's skin.

Warren lifted his head, separating his mouth from Tom with a vulgar sucking sound, apparently designed to acknowledge Tom's apology; Tom had the strange urge to laugh at the sound, and chuckled softly; "Sorry," he mumbled again.

Warren pushed his legs away again to settle more comfortably, all the while not retrieving his hand which had stayed inside Tom throughout the entire situation. Once Warren was comfortable again, he continued with his earlier task of sucking Tom off before he very slowly began moving his hand again; Tom took deep breath, relaxing around the intrusion.

This time it didn't take long until he found himself enjoying the sensation; it was a bit different than he had imagined, but not unpleasant by any means. Warren's pace began to pick up a bit, obviously having noticed that Tom was relaxing, and Tom felt his climax approaching. He groaned softly, letting his legs drop limply to the sides while Warren brought him closer and closer, only to suddenly stop — Tom growled, and then gasped quietly as Warren suddenly removed his hand, leaving him empty.

Some part of Tom's currently incoherent mind wanted to feel that strange feeling again; "Warren?" he rasped out between shallow breaths.

It only took a second for Warren's hand to return, and Tom felt the cool wetness of more gel on his finger that slowly pushed inside him again. Tom let out a shaky breath, quickly adjusting to the sensation, but the peaceful moment only lasted for a second until Warren decided to add another finger, causing Tom to groan and flinch.

~*~

Bill watched in fascinating as his brother bit his bottom lip while groaning softly; he loved the attention he got from Tom, and wanted more of it. He wanted to hear more of it.

Slowly he began to move, almost pulling all the way out before pushing back in while Tom panted in rhythm with the movements. Watching his brother's furrowed brows and dry lips, made Bill even readier than he was already, and when Tom slowly began moving his hips to meet Bill's slick fingers, he couldn't stand it anymore; that was enough of preparation, Tom had to be ready by now.

Multitasking had never been one of Bill's talents, but nonetheless he managed to pleasure Tom while lubricating himself at the same time, before slowly removing his fingers from Tom's body.

Tom growled again, apparently not very happy with his decision, so Bill quickly guided himself towards Tom's passage, slowly beginning to push into the impossibly tight entrance.

~*~

Tom managed to turn the scream into a muffled groan as he felt Warren beginning to enter him; that was way too tight, he couldn't stand it.

"Wait," he groaned, placing a hand against his shoulder to stop him from moving.

~*~

Bill tried to remain still but found it nearly impossible with the tight grip that Tom's insides had on him; he was only an inch or so inside his brother, but it was enough to drive him crazy — this was a lot tighter than he had expected it to be, and the sensation was unlike anything he had ever felt before.

He waited a few seconds for Tom to relax, though he couldn't really feel if he did or not, until it became unbearable and he pushed himself deeper into his twin, causing him to groan loudly. Bill's pleasure-clouded mind showed him faded memories of that nightmare he had had, but right now it only served to turn him on; right now he wanted to hear Tom screaming.

~*~

Tom's head was spinning; he was torn somewhere between pleasure and pain, unsure which one was stronger. Warren's cold fingers stroking his erection was finally enough to help him relax a bit while the other boy dove into him without mercy, obviously ignoring Tom's weak hand that was still trying to hold him away: or maybe by now he was just keeping him from toppling over all together — Warren didn't seem to be fully in control of his own body anymore.

~*~

Bill moaned softly, burying himself all the way inside his brother; if it hadn't been for Tom's hands holding him up, he would have probably collapsed on top of him by now. He began to pull back out, trying to hold himself as steady and stroke his brother's erection at the same time, and then pushed back into that unbelievable sensation that made him want to scream with pleasure. Somewhere in the distance he could hear his brother calling Warren's name, telling him to slow down, but Bill didn't want to; Tom could take it.

~*~

Tom gasped with every agonizing thrust that Warren did, unable to slow the other boy down. After a few more violent movements, Warren suddenly ground against Tom's prostate, causing him to nearly scream. With a loud groan, Tom lifted his hips a little to facilitate Warren's movements, and ensure the boy would repeat that earlier motion. Sure enough it worked, because with his next thrust he reached the same spot, sending Tom into a delirious state of uncontrolled moaning while he rolled his hips along with Warren's exquisite movements.

~*~

His brother's groans and the unspeakable sensation he gave him was enough for Bill to lose the little restraint he had, and he groaned his name out between ragged breaths while he pushed into him uncontrollably, approaching his release.

~*~

Absently Tom heard his name being called by a very familiar voice, even though he could hardly distinguish the sound right now. Something about it set the alarm off in his head, but he couldn't be bothered to focus on it right now because he was too busy trying to breath.

Warren's hand tightened around his cock, and his thrusting became almost harder than before, letting Tom know that the other boy was about to climax; he allowed his close release to approach, and gave up all restraints when he heard the other boy's strangled yell while he climaxed.

Groaning in pleasure-filled pain, he felt the warm wetness of his release run down his chest and stomach right before the other boy collapsed on top of him, panting and trembling.

~*~

This whole sex thing turned out to be a whole lot better than he had first thought, Bill concluded groggily while lying square over his brother; they had to do this more often.

Somewhere in the back of his mind Bill knew that he had to get out before Tom saw him, but he really didn't want to — he wanted Tom to know the truth. He wanted him to know who it was that he had just given himself to.

A few minutes later, however, Bill regained the ability to think logically, and knew that was a very bad idea.

"Don't leave," Tom whispered, grabbing his arm when Bill tried to move off of him.

His brother pulled him closer, into a lazy kiss now that both their bodies had calmed down from the earlier ordeal, and they were able to move at least a little bit again.

"Stay the night," his brother mumbled against his lips, and Bill wanted nothing more, but he knew he couldn't; in the morning Tom would not be very happy to see him.

Knowing he couldn't say anything, he lay back down into the sweaty, cum-covered sheets and snuggled against his brother; maybe just for a little while. Just a few more minutes until Tom fell asleep, then he would slip out unnoticed. Yeah, just a few minutes.

~*~

Sleepily, Tom smiled into Warren's coarse hair as he cuddled against him; this was definitely something he could get used to. He always wanted to fall asleep like this, and for the first time in his life he also wanted to wake up like this. He wanted Warren to still be in his bed the next morning. He wanted to have breakfast with him; Tom never had breakfast with anyone he slept with, that just wasn't something he did, but now he was looking really forward to it. He finally wanted to talk to him, tell him all the things he had never told anyone else, and actually get to know him. Outside the bed.

Yes, Tom concluded, tomorrow he would finally get to know Warren better.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone ^^ I wont be posting over the weekend because I'm not here... a friends getting married o.o but I'll post as soon as I'm back ^^ probably monday or tuesday.  
> Enjoy!

Tom sighed with a sleepy smile, nuzzling closer to the warm body next to him, his mind still somewhere between sleep and wake. It took him a few minutes to fully awaken, after which he slowly detached his arm from Warren's body, trying not to wake him. Warren was lying on his stomach, head deeply buried in the pillows, with his messy hair sprawled over his shoulders and face. Tom smiled absently, admiring the view from the other boy's backside; it was just bright enough in the room to make out his perfectly shaped ass - always a view he enjoyed, but barely ever got to see from Warren.

Quietly, he slipped out of bed, groping around in the semi darkness for some clothes before finding his way to the door which he closed silently, sneaking into the kitchen; he had expected to find Bill up already, given it was nearly lunchtime, but the kitchen was empty, with no trace of Bill having been there at all lately.

Tom proceeded to make pancakes, omelets, fruit salad, juice, coffee and tea, since he had no idea which Warren preferred; now that he thought about it, he didn't know anything about Warren whatsoever. He was determined to change that; he wanted to know everything about the other boy, including all those small things that he really didn't care for under normal circumstances.

Cheerfully, he placed the entire food on the table, wondering if Warren wanted sugar and milk in his coffee - in case he even drank coffee. Tom shrugged, placing milk and coffee on the table just in case he wanted some.

"Morning!" the door burst open and Bill strolled in, smiling cheerfully.

"Morning," Tom smiled awkwardly, feeling a bit embarrassed; he usually never made such an elaborate breakfast.

"Woah, what's all this?" Bill grinned, reaching to take a pancake from the stack.

"Stop it," Tom growled, slapping at his hand, but he was too slow and Bill managed to get away with one.

"Yum. What in the world are you doing?" Bill laughed, looking around at all the food.

"Warren is here and..." Tom began, feeling even more embarrassed than before; "I'd like you to meet him... officially..." he mumbled, not knowing why he was feeling so awkward, it's not like Bill would think he was being dumb or anything - Bill was the sappy romantic type, he would think that what Tom was doing was nice, right?

~*~

Bill could hardly stop grinning, and hoped that Tom wouldn't notice due to the pancake in his mouth. He had never seen Tom going to such lengths for anyone ever in their life; he could hardly believe all this had come from his brother.

"Warren already left, I saw him going out a minute ago," Bill tried as passively as he managed.

"What?" Tom nearly shrieked; "Why?"

If Bill didn't know any better he could have sworn Tom looked... hurt?

"I don't know, weren't you guys done? Or were you still waiting for a round of hot morning sex before he left?" Bill giggled quietly.

Tom didn't say anything, and just looked around at the breakfast; Bill's smile slowly faded when he began to realize that Tom was actually upset about this; "Hey I'm sorry," he mumbled quietly, walking over to his brother's side; "I'm sure Warren didn't leave because he didn't want to have breakfast with you. He probably just thought that you only wanted to have sex," Bill tried to comfort his brother in the only way he could, fully knowing that Warren would never be here for breakfast.

Tom just nodded dejectedly. Bill sighed, carefully wrapping his arms around his brother; it wasn't usually something they did a lot, but right now it was appropriate.

"Don't worry about it," he muttered softly; Tom just nodded, sighing.

"Whatever," Tom shrugged; "He's just some guy anyway," he said coolly.

"No, don't think like that. Maybe he just doesn't know how you feel about him," Bill tried to reassure him; he wished so much he could just tell Tom how he felt.

"I gave him a key to our apartment, how could he not know that?" Tom growled angrily.

"You gave him our key?!" Bill shrieked, thinking this was probably the most innocent way to react to this; "Why? Are you crazy? Do you know how risky that is?"

"I thought you out of all people would understand me... wouldn't you risk it all for the one?" Tom asked quietly, giving him a miserable look.

Bill melted away at Tom's words, wishing he could tell him just how much he himself was risking - he was risking absolutely everything; his career, his relationship with Tom, and above all his own heart; "I would. I'm sure it will be fine," he nodded, pulling his brother tighter into his arms, wishing he could hold him forever like this.

Tom just nodded, still looking miserable.

"Don't be sad," he murmured softly; "I love you," he added in a quiet whisper; it was something he had often said before this whole disaster started, but in the past few month's he hadn't used the words at all, and now that he did, they had suddenly taken on a whole new meaning.

Tom smiled absently; "I love you, too," he muttered quietly, giving Bill's arms a soft squeeze.

 

 

~*~

Over the next few weeks, Tom's life began spiraling down into a mysterious, erotic world of sex and passion with a familiar stranger. He had long lost interest in any other person because no one had ever managed to captivate him the way Warren did. He would show up randomly while Tom was sleeping, blindfold and occasionally tie him up for an insane, heated night - only to disappear as silent and mysterious as he had arrived.

No matter how often Tom tried, Warren refused to speak to him, silencing him with a kiss or a bandana in his mouth; at first Tom had loved the mystery, but gradually he wanted more. No matter how exciting the games with Warren were, Tom really did want to get to know him better, and the fact that Warren didn't seem to be interested in that irked him a bit. He began feeling as if the only thing that Warren wanted from him was sex - the only thing that Tom had ever wanted from everyone other than Warren. Oh the irony.

Just thinking about the fact that Warren only used him for sex was devastating; was this what other people had felt like when Tom had had sex with them without ever caring about them outside of his bed?

With a heavy sigh, Tom rolled over, kissing Warren's sweaty shoulder; they were both still recuperating from the earlier thrill, and panted heavily.

"Warren?" Tom whispered huskily, crawling a bit further up to find the other boy's lips.

"Hm?" Warren replied softly; it was the closest thing to a word that Tom had ever managed to lure from him.

"Why don't you want to talk to me? You know that I love these insane nights, but I'd also really like to get to know you a bit better..." he tried again, hoping against hope that Warren would finally speak to him; "I want to know everything about you, not just your body," he finished in a whisper.

However Warren didn't reply, like always. He just shrugged, pushing Tom aside, and fetched his clothes in the darkness before silently leaving the room.

With a sigh, Tom curled up under the sheets, feeling lonely and miserable; why did he fall for a guy who didn't want anything from him? There were so many men and women in the world who would gladly spend every waking minute with him, so why did he have to choose the one who wanted nothing more than sex? How could Warren not feel the amazing connection they had? Couldn't he see that they were meant for each other?

~*~

As silent as possible, Bill locked the door to his room and crawled into bed, feeling cold and abandoned; he would have much rather preferred to stay in his brother's bed, cuddled against his stunningly loving twin. The more time they spent together, the gentler Tom had become; he was tender and attentive, and completely unlike the daytime Tom that Bill had always known, and Bill loved it.

Over the past few weeks Bill had gotten more and more tangled in his own web of lies and deceits against his brother - he had no idea how he could ever get out of this again. He knew he was far past the point of no return, and no matter what he did now, they would both end up heartbroken. He felt like a drug addict; no matter how hard he tried, or how much he wished he could get off the stuff, he kept coming back for more. Tom was worse than heroin and Bill was willing to give anything for one more dose, even if it meant ruining his entire future. His brother was everything he wanted, no matter the cost; to hell with their life, their relationship as brothers, and to hell with Tokio Hotel — it all paled in comparison to how Tom made him feel.

~*~

"Alright guys, we're all done for today," David called out, clapping.

The band had been recording their latest song, but it wasn't finished yet because Bill wasn't fully satisfied; it had been a long day and Tom just wanted to go home because he was hungry and grumpy, and somewhat annoyed at Bill for being such a bloody perfectionist.

With a relieved sigh, he put his guitar back in its stand and turned his cellphone on; he had a missed call from an unknown number.

While everyone began clearing out the music room, he returned the call and waited impatiently while it rang; he usually didn't get a lot of unknown calls - perhaps someone changed their number or something.

"Hello?" answered a voice on the other end.

"Hello, it's Tom. You called me?" he asked, not recognizing the voice at all.

"Tom! It's Warren. You gave me your number in Essen and said if I was ever in Berlin, I should call you?" the voice answered hesitantly.

Tom laughed, his heart picking up a quick pace; "Warren... hmm... yeah, I think I remember you," he joked; he couldn't believe Warren was finally talking to him. Maybe last night had finally convinced him that Tom really wanted more than just sex from him?

"What's up?" Tom asked casually, not wanting to make a big deal out of it. Obviously Warren had commitment issues so this was a huge step and Tom didn't want to mess it up by being too pushy.

"Not a lot... I'm staying at the Concorde Hotel, and I was wondering if maybe you wanted to meet up?" he answered just as casually.

Tom's heart nearly jumped out of his chest in excitement; "I'll be there in half an hour," he said quickly and hung up, rushing past the other band members; "I gotta go, I'll see you guys later."

"Tom wait!" Bill called, running after him; "Where are you going? How am I going to get home?"

"Sorry, I gotta go - emergency. Catch a ride with Georg, ok?" Tom quickly apologized; he really didn't have time for Bill right now.

"Wait! Where are you going? Tom!" Bill called after him, but Tom just hurried down to his car, not being able to think of anything other than the amazing fact that Warren finally wanted to talk to him — Bill could catch a ride with someone.

~*~

A little hurt, Bill watched his brother dashing down the stairs to the garage; what had happened? He had noticed his brother on the phone with someone earlier, but he hadn't heard what had been said or who the caller was.

If Tom knew that Bill was in fact Warren, he probably wouldn't just take off without thinking about him at all; Bill hated the fact that he meant nothing more to his brother than...well... a brother. He wished that Tom would be more considerate, but how could he be when he had no idea what he meant to Bill; he treated him the same as always, with the same joking roughness that had always existed between them — it was completely different than how he treated Warren; with Warren he was gentle, tender, almost loving; it was unlike any side of Tom that Bill had ever experienced while not impersonating Warren. That tenderness was what he missed more than anything during the day when he couldn't be with Tom.

~*~

Tom cursed the rush hour traffic of the inner city while he tried to get from the studio to the hotel; it was shortly before dinner and it seemed as if every person living in Berlin was currently on the street to torment Tom. The fact that Warren was somewhere in a hotel room waiting for him while he was stuck in traffic drove him crazy; he was paranoid that Warren might change his mind if he took too long and end up leaving, or that he would think Tom wasn't all that interested in knowing him after all.

It took him a good 25-30 minutes to finally arrive at the Concorde Hotel where he parked in the guest zone, trying to avoid as many people as possible while he snuck into an elevator, only to remember he had no idea which room Warren was in.

Sheepishly he pulled out his phone to call Warren again.

"Hey, I'm here. Which room are you in?" he asked, trying to sound cool and composed, even though he was about to hyperventilate.

"Oh, right. In number 711. It's on the 7th floor," Warren laughed awkwardly.

Tom followed the room signs, finally finding the correct one and knocked, grinning from ear to ear. He couldn't believe Warren was finally ready to take their relationship to the next level. 'Relationship to the next level? What am I, a 15 year old girl?' Tom mocked himself; when had he become such a sap? Is this what people were like when they were in love? Mushy and pathetic?

Finally Warren opened the door, smiling shyly at him.

"I was beginning to think we would never be able to get to know each other better," Tom smiled softly, hoping he wasn't pressuring him too much.

Warren looked a bit surprised while he motioned for him to come in; "It's nice to see you again," he smiled that shy smile again.

Tom laughed; "Yes, it is indeed very nice to finally see you," he accused with a wicked grin.

Warren just looked a bit confused, but smiled anyway; "Want something to drink?" he offered, pointing at the minibar.

"I actually thought we could go have dinner or something, if you're up for it?" Tom shrugged, hoping it wouldn't sound like a date or anything; "I was at the studio all day and I'm starving," he added quickly, just so the guy wouldn't think it was weird.

"Oh... actually I already ate," he replied a bit awkwardly.

"Oh, that's alright," Tom smiled, hoping he wouldn't notice his disappointment; "I'll just eat something later then," he assured him, not wanting to make a big deal out of it.

Warren nodded, pouring them drinks from the minibar.

"So," Tom began as casually as possible; "What do you do?" He didn't really know how to begin; this talking thing was lot harder than he had thought.

"Um... I'm an engineer student," he shrugged while handing Tom his drink.

"Oh, that's cool," Tom nodded, taking a sip from his drink.

"Yeah," Warren shrugged, slowly edging a bit closer to him with a suggestive smile that indicated more than the interest in a conversation.

This wasn't really what Tom had had in mind, but they could also have sex first and talk later, right?

With a smirk he pulled Warren closer, crushing their lips together; Warren tasted like the same alcohol Tom had just drunk a second ago. Tom found himself a little surprised at the different kissing style; was Warren nervous because they were actually here at his place and he couldn't just disappear afterwards, or was he just having a bad kissing day? Not that it was terrible, but it didn't come close to the usually amazing kisses that Tom was used to from the other boy.

Warren got up, dragging Tom along with him towards the bedroom — their drinks forgotten on the living room table. By the time they finally reached the bed their kissing had become very intense, and Tom pushed his hands under Warren's shirt, absently noticing that it felt rather unfamiliar today. What was it that seemed so different about him all of a sudden? 

Shrugging the feeling off, he pulled Warren's long sleeved shirt over his head and discarded it on the floor, using his other hand to push Warren back on the bed before crawling towards him.

Warren smiled that flustered smile while Tom began kissing around on his chest, moving down to his stomach where he paused, a bit confused; where was Warren's tattoo? He really wanted to see it. Gently he pushed the waistband of Warren's pants a little lower to see if he could find it, but it wasn't there anymore.

"What happened to your tattoo?" Tom asked dismayed, moving back up look at Warren. Did he have it removed? Was it possible to remove tattoos without leaving any trace? Had he removed it because of the thing between them...?

Warren looked a little confused; "What tattoo?"

"The one on your stomach, the star, or whatever that was. I saw it when I sucked you off that first time," Tom gave him a naughty smirk.

Warren sat up on his bed, pushing Tom aside with an offended frown; "That wasn't me, Tom, I don't have any tattoos."


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone ^^ I'm back from the wedding... wow that was so boring o.o i hope i never have to get married.... but the food was great xD  
> anyway, please enjoy ^^

Tom stared in total confusion at Warren. Was he joking? What the hell was going on?

"Of course you do," Tom insisted; "I saw it that night on the Maldives...?" What kind of game was Warren playing now?

"You're mistaking me with someone else," Warren said coldly, glaring slightly.

"No. No I'm not," Tom was unsure whether he was trying to convince himself or Warren at this point; "We had sex in my bungalow that night," he said firmly, needing to hear those words; whatever this new game was, Tom wasn't sure he liked it.

"No we didn't. We were at my place, but then we left because my friends were there. Then you forgot your jacket and told me to wait in your room, but when I got there your brother was sleeping there. I think you told me the wrong room, so then I tried the other one, but it was all messed up with the bed all over the floor, then I waited outside, but you never came back..." Warren finished his rant while Tom stared in utter shock and disbelief.

Out of everything Warren said, one phrase was burning in his ears: your brother was sleeping there.

"I think you have me confused with someone else..." Warren sighed sadly but Tom barely noticed him at this point. 'Your brother was sleeping there', Tom repeated the sentence over and over in his mind.

No, that couldn't be true.

"I have to go," Tom stuttered and ran out of the room, leaving Warren to stare after him a little sadly.

Almost tripping over his own feet, he jumped down the stairs, not bothering to wait for the elevator. He dashed through the front door and began running down the street with no destination; he just had to run.

Nearly knocking several people over, Tom ran down the street, trying to ignore the screaming voice in his head that kept repeating that bloody sentence over and over.

Now it really did all make sense. Bill's disturbed behavior that morning and the following weeks. The way he avoided Tom. The spilled Red Bull. The tattoo. Bill's 'sex with Tom' regret. The last pieces of the puzzle finally fell together. He finally knew what had happened to Bill.

Stumbling against an angry passersby, Tom turned into an alley and threw up the few contents his stomach had left from lunch; this couldn't be true - he was the evil Tom who had hurt Bill.

It had been him all along, and he hadn't even considered it, not even once. How could that have happened? How could he have not thought about it? He remembered that night so clearly - tying and gagging Warren... No, Bill.

Tom could barely breathe from shock. Bill had tried to tell him, to fight him off, but he had viewed it as a game and forced himself on his little brother.

Spitting out the disgusting taste, Tom felt tears welling up in his eyes; he couldn't believe what he had done to his sweet, innocent baby brother. He had always been so protective of him, and now he was to blame for the worst night in Bill's life. All of Bill's torment in the past few months was his fault.

He couldn't believe he hadn't noticed that it was Bill. He remembered the things he had said to him and shuddered; Bill must have been so horrified. He wanted to die of guilt and shame.

Yet all this time Bill had kept it to himself, not ever blaming him with a single word. That's what had been eating Bill alive; having to live with such a burden. A burden that wasn't even Bill's to carry, but Tom's.

Sagging down to the floor, Tom wanted to scream and cry in agony; he couldn't believe he had accidentally stolen Bill's virginity, that he had been so carefully keeping for someone special. The special someone that Bill had been waiting for his entire life, and he had taken that away from him. He had always secretly admired Bill for doing that - it wasn't something he would ever do, but he still thought it was very sweet and noble of Bill to do so. And now he had ruined it.

For a long time Tom sat in the dirty alley, not feeling any better than the puddle of vomit next to his feet, and cried his eyes out. It had been years since Tom cried, and it was the first time he cried over someone else's pain. In that moment he would have gladly given his life to undo that night. 

Eventually he lost track of time as he sat in that alley, mourning his brother's lost innocence, but by the time he finally gathered the strength to get up it was in the middle of the night. The cars and people had mostly disappeared from the street, leaving it cold and empty, suiting his mood.

Slowly he walked back the street he ran down earlier, and soon enough he could see the hotel again. Tom paused and looked at it; Warren was in there. Warren. That night had been the night he fell in love with Warren. Except it hadn't been Warren, it had been Bill. Tom just stared at the hotel in confusion. Did that mean he had accidentally fallen in love with his brother, not knowing it was him?

His stomach revolted at the thought, but there was nothing left inside to come up, so Tom just made a disgusting gagging sound, supporting himself on the wall of the building next to him.

Of course he wasn't in love with his brother, that was insane. He was in love with Warren. That night when he believed to have been with Warren... No, he wasn't in love with Bill. Bill had just paved the road for Warren.

Tom had to think of all the other amazing nights he had been with Warren - he was definitely in love with him. Not Bill. This was Crazy. Bill was his brother. Warren was the person Tom wanted to be with, and even after what he did, his kind, forgiving brother still blessed his twisted relationship with the other man. Tom wanted to hug him and cry; he had never loved his brother more than right now, even though he had always loved his brother more than he loved anything or anyone else in the world. Bill was such an incredible person, and Tom had caused him so much pain; how could he? Tom hated himself.

Unable to face Warren right now, he got into his car and drove off with no idea of where he was headed. He couldn't go home because Bill would be there and he wasn't sure he could face him right now either; not before he had sorted things out. He needed a plan; needed to know what to say, how to apologize, or at least he needed to know how he felt about all this. 

Eventually Tom found himself in front of Gustav's apartment though he didn't know if Gustav was home or not. He parked his car and after a few deep breaths he got out and rang the doorbell.

Gustav opened the door and his eyes widened with shock; "Tom, what happened? Are you alright? Are you hurt? What's the matter, buddy?" Gustav pulled him inside, looking around suspiciously for any signs of an oncoming threat before closing the door and locking it.

Not knowing what to say, Tom just wrapped his arms around his friend and began to cry again. Gustav was more than shocked; he had never witnessed Tom crying before. He hesitantly hugged back and began to rub soothing circles on Tom's back, while he silently sobbed into Gustav's shoulder.

After Tom's initial breakdown was over, Gustav gently guided him to the living room and sat him down on the couch.

"What happened, Tom? Is Bill alright?" Gustav looked at him with deep worry; obviously the only reason Tom could ever have to cry was if something should happen to Bill.

Tom swallowed harshly at the mention of his twin's name, but didn't say anything. Could he tell Gustav? Gustav was one of his best friends and he was desperate to talk to someone — surely Gustav wouldn't tell anyone, right?

"I accidentally raped Bill," he whispered hoarsely; actually saying the words made him feel even more sick and he felt a new wave of tears approaching, which he quickly choked back.

He was expecting Gustav to start yelling and hitting him, but Gustav just looked confused.

"What Bill?" he said slowly, clearly not following him.

Tom wanted to scream at him, but "my brother," was all he managed to whisper.

Gustav still didn't seem to be understanding; "What do you mean you accidentally raped him? How can you accidentally rape someone...?"

Tom sank into the couch miserably; "I thought he was someone else. I wasn't really raping him. It's complicated, ok?" he finished desperately.

Gustav was still confused; "So... you... accidentally had sex with someone that you didn't know was your identical twin brother...?"

"Yes," Tom said flatly.

Gustav just stared; "... so... you didn't... like... I don't know, see the fact that you were kinda screwing yourself there?"

Tom wasn't sure if Gustav was angry, or shocked, or disgusted, or just confused; probably all of them, he concluded. "No, I didn't really see his face," Tom said defeated, he didn't even have a valid excuse.

"Ok... and Bill didn't try to stop you or anything?" Gustav was patiently questioning him. Tom wanted to throw up at this question.

"Yes he did, but he was tied up and gagged," he mumbled, covering his face with his hands.

Gustav cleared his throat at this new piece of information. Tom didn't know what exactly his band members thought he enjoyed in bed, but clearly bdsm wasn't part of what they thought of him.

"I see," Gustav finally nodded calmly; "When did this happen?"

"Over two months ago, during our holiday on the Maldives, but I just found out now," Tom groaned miserably.

"So what's the whole story?" Gustav wanted to know everything, down to the last detail.

And so Tom confessed everything to Gustav, beginning with the fact that he sometimes had sex with men, and finishing with his relationship with Warren. He left out the horrible, dirty things he said to Bill because that was just something he didn't manage to say out loud.

Throughout the entire story Gustav didn't say a single word, he just sat there in silence and studied Tom carefully.

When Tom was done, Gustav sighed and nodded; "Well this certainly explains Bill's behavior in the past few months,"

Tom nodded woefully, though he already felt a lot better than when he had arrived. At least Gustav wasn't judging him for sleeping around with men. Or even for the creepy way in which his relationship with Warren had started. Or anything else really — Gustav seemed very patient and understanding.

"I don't know what to do. Should I talk to him? Or just pretend I don't know? Bill obviously doesn't want me to know otherwise he would have told me first thing in the morning, right?" Tom felt so helpless; he desperately wanted to do something, but had no clue what, if there even was anything anyone could do to make this situation better.

"I really don't know, this is all sort of messed up..." Gustav sighed again. Tom just nodded heavily. They were both at a loss of words and actions.

"I think you should tell him. He probably wishes you knew and just doesn't dare to tell you," Gustav thought out loud.

Even though he nodded, Tom really didn't want to tell Bill because if he talked about it with Bill it would all be real. His relationship with Bill had finally gone back to normal after being so weird for all those weeks, and now he really didn't want to mess it up again. Maybe Bill was over it and didn't want to talk about it either.

Somewhere deep down Tom knew that was a cheap excuse, but he tried to convince himself of it anyway.

A bit later Gustav made some pasta and Tom ate a little bit of it, even though he wasn't really in the mood to eat, and his stomach was protesting every bite he took.

"Can I sleep on your couch tonight?" Tom didn't want to go home because he was afraid to see Bill, so Gustav set up the couch for him. Tom shrugged out of his jacket and placed his phone next to the couch; he had turned it off earlier so no one would disturb him and Warren. When he flipped it on, he saw a message from Bill.

'Where are you? Is everything alright? Are you coming home tonight?'

Next to the text, he had five missed calls from Bill; maybe he should go home after all. He messaged Bill that he was coming home shortly, but Bill didn't reply.

After thanking Gustav, he left to go home; he had to talk to Bill. He had to apologize.

But by the time Tom got home, Bill's door was locked and there was no answer when he knocked.

~*~

Bill choked back hot tears; Tom hadn't spent a night away from home since this whole relationship fiasco had started, and now there was only one thing Tom could be doing. The only thing he ever did when he didn't come home at night.

Bill knew that sooner or later Tom would cheat on him, he shouldn't even be surprised. 'Why should I be any different to him?' he thought bitterly; he had never been this disappointed and hurt by his brother before. He felt like such a fool for actually believing that he was special to Tom - he should have known better; after all he knew Tom better than anyone else and he knew his twin would never be willing to give up sex with strangers to settle for just one person, no matter how much this person may love him.

The only time when Tom's phone was off was during work or when he was with someone else; obviously he wasn't at work, so it left no doubt in Bill's mind as to where his twin had been the entire evening.

Ever since his brother had dashed out of the studio, Bill had been going mad with jealousy, but he didn't dare call Tom too often so he settled for a desperate text message instead. At some point in the middle of the night Tom decided to answer that he was coming home soon, at which point Bill locked himself in his room so Tom wouldn't see him crying, and ignored his quiet knocking when Tom finally got home.

~*~

Most of Tom's night was spent thinking of how he could make things right again. How could he make this up to his brother? There was only one answer: he couldn't. Nothing he could do or say would bring his brother's virginity back, so he could have that one special night he had always dreamt of. Nothing he could do would make that night undone for his little brother.

All he could do was tell Bill how truly sorry he was, and it killed him that he had no other comfort to offer him.

That also left him with the dilemma of how to bring it up. What could he say? How should he act? Should he be serious, or try to casually pass it off as nothing? What would make Bill more comfortable? Was Bill still angry at him? Or just hurt? What kind of an apology qualified for raping your twin? Would Bill hate him if he brought it up? Had Bill hated him for the past few months, is that way he had been so distant? Could they truly ever go back to being brother's after such a disastrous event?

These, and ten thousand other questions plagued Tom until he finally drifted off into a restless slumber.

~*~

The next morning Bill woke up early and decided to silently leave the apartment in order to avoid running into Tom; he didn't want his brother to know he was mad at him, since he didn't have a valid excuse to be upset, but today he just couldn't pretend as if they were only brothers.

~*~

When Tom woke up he felt almost more tired than when he had gone to sleep; he really needed to talk to Bill because this secret was killing him. He didn't understand how Bill managed to stay sane all this time.

After his quick morning routine, he found the kitchen deserted, with no dirty dishes or any other sign that Bill had been there recently. He went to Bill's door and knocked, but there was no answer either.

He knocked a little harder; still nothing.

"Bill? Are you awake yet?" Tom called softly. Maybe he should make Bill some coffee and breakfast, just to ease him a little bit into this.

Determined to make this as bearable as possible for his brother, Tom proceeded to make coffee and waffles - that always put Bill in a good mood.

When everything was ready, he knocked on Bill's door again but there was still no answer. Tom carefully turned the handle and looked inside.

"Bill?" he whispered and looked around, but Bill's room was empty.

"Bill?" he called loudly; maybe Bill was in the bathroom or something. He wasn't.

Tom wandered back into the kitchen feeling a little lost. Had Bill just left without even leaving a note?

Dejectedly, he stared at the waffles and coffee that were beginning to get cold; he wasn't hungry anymore. He felt strangely hurt by Bill just leaving like that; was Bill mad at him or something? Bill always left notes when he went somewhere. Bill loved notes; he often left notes just for the sake of leaving a note. But then again, that had been before Tom abused him. Maybe Bill didn't think Tom deserved his notes anymore.

Soon after, Tom tried calling him, but Bill didn't pick up. He messaged him asking where he was and waited, but Bill never replied.

It was getting close to lunch and Tom knew he had another practice session in the afternoon; he was beginning to get worried about Bill. It wasn't like Bill to just disappear like that.

Nervously he called Georg and Gustav, but neither of them had heard anything from Bill, so he decided to call David too, even though he doubted David would know anything, but he was out of ideas.

"Yeah, Bill's been here at the studio for hours," David said casually and Tom felt as if a ton of bricks had been lifted off his shoulders.

A second later he got into his car and drove downtown, calling Georg and Gustav in the process to tell them to meet him there.

Now that he knew Bill was alright, Tom was furious at him; how dare he just take off like that without as much a message as to where he was going.

When he entered the studio, he saw Bill sitting on the couch, scribbling something into a notebook.

"Thanks for telling me you were leaving," Tom snapped at him, but Bill ignored him.

"The least you can do is pick up your goddamn phone," Tom got even more annoyed because Bill was just ignoring him.

At that moment Georg walked in, causing Bill to look up at him and smile - Tom wanted to punch him in the face.

"I'm talking to you Bill," he hissed quietly. Bill looked at him with an icy expression and then walked away towards the recording room, not uttering a single word.

Georg raised an eyebrow at him, but Tom just shrugged helplessly so Georg followed Bill at a safe distance; everyone knew Bill wasn't to be messed with when he was in one of those moods. 

Confused and angry, Tom stood there for a moment until Gustav walked in, giving him an odd look.

"Did you already talk to him?" he whispered at Tom as they slowly followed the other two band members. Tom shook his head.

They reached the recording room while Bill was testing the microphone and Georg searched for the right bass.

"Hey what's wrong with you?" Tom asked quietly, approaching his fuming brother.

"Nothing, what's wrong with you?" Bill retorted flatly.

Before Tom could say anything else, David walked in and Tom went to get his guitar.

Their practice session was dreadful; no matter what Tom did, Bill didn't agree with it. He was either too fast, too slow, too high, too low, wrong chord or just plain and simply 'off', as Bill put it. After two hours Tom was ready to explode, when David finally called in a much needed break.

Gustav raised an eyebrow at Tom, but he didn't really have any answers either; he had no idea what had suddenly gotten into Bill who stormed out of the room, slamming the door. 

Hesitantly, Tom followed him downstairs to the break room; Bill was getting a drink out of the vending machine when Tom finally caught up with him.

"Bill, what's the matter with you?" he tried to be calm and understanding, though he was having a very hard time.

Bill just shrugged carelessly; "Nothing, what's the matter with you?" It was a repetition of their earlier conversation.

Tom got frustrated again; "I'm not the one who stormed off without telling anyone where I was going and then didn't pick my phone up for hours!" Tom hissed.

Bill gave him a dry look; "Actually that's exactly what you did," he reminded him.

'Oh, it's payback for yesterday,' Tom sighed in defeat; when Bill was set on 'touchy and difficult', there really wasn't much of a point in arguing.

"Ok, I'm sorry about yesterday... something came up," Tom tried to apologize; he wasn't very good at this.

"More like someone," Bill said haughtily.

Tom stared, unsure if he had heard right; "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Bill just shrugged and drank his coke.

"I was with Warren," Tom whispered, looking around to make sure no one would hear him. Bill choked on his drink.

"You're lying!" he snarled angrily, looking furious and confusing Tom more than ever; was Bill not ok with him seeing Warren after all...?

"No, he finally called me yesterday and told me he's staying at the Concorde, so I went to see him..." Tom trailed off, remembering how that had gone. Bill looked appalled.

For a moment they just stared at each other while Tom wondered if Bill suspected that Warren had told him that it hadn't been him that night - apparently so because Bill looked paler than usual and about to be sick.

Tom felt helpless; he wanted to say something to comfort his twin, but before he could come up with anything David called them back in.

~*~

Somewhere in the distance Bill heard David calling them, but he couldn't move, his feet were rooted to the ground. Tom had gone to see Warren - the real Warren - and now he was looking at him in that weird way. He knew. Bill was sure of it; Tom knew everything.

"Bill, let's go!" David called him again; slowly Bill set himself into motion, barely aware of his own movements. He looked at Tom, but couldn't read his expression; it was a mixture of... sadness and disappointment? Anger? Disgust? Bill didn't know - he had never been this bad at reading someone's emotions before.

Once they were all in their place again, Gustav started playing and Tom and Georg joined in; at his turn, Bill opened his mouth to sing, but only managed to throw up the sandwich and coke he had had earlier. The music stopped abruptly and David rushed in; Gustav was at his side right away, too.

"Are you alright, what's the matter? Did you eat something bad? Do you have stomach flu?" David sounded concerned, though Bill wasn't sure if his concern was for Bill or the other band members.

Out of the corner of his eye Bill saw Tom just standing there, still holding his guitar with an iron expression on his face. This was all the proof Bill needed; Tom hated him.

Georg arrived with a glass of water, but Bill didn't want it; he wanted to run away. The expression on Tom's face was unbearable. He felt tears threatening to show and bolted from the room before anyone could notice.

~*~

Tom watched in horror as Bill threw up: he wanted to rush to his side but his feet wouldn't move. His chest was painfully tight as he looked into Bill's terrified eyes; he looked so lost and hurt. 'This is all my fault,' his mind kept repeated over and over; 'I did this to him.'


	11. Chapter 11

By the time Tom finally regained his ability to walk, Bill was long gone.

"Tom! What the hell is going on here?" David demanded, catching up with Tom who was half down the hall; "What's wrong with Bill?"

"It's complicated. Don't ask me," Tom mumbled; Gustav was one thing, but David would definitely not understand this issue.

"Whatever problems you and Bill have - solve them, and don't bring them to work," he called sternly, but Tom barely paid attention to him while he headed down to the garage, still hoping to catch up with his twin.

However by the time he arrived in the garage, there was no sign of Bill or his car.

~*~

Bill drove like a manic, attempting to get as far away from Tom was possible. His vision was already blurry from the tears he couldn't contain anymore, and then it started to rain, making it nearly impossible for him to see where he was going.

This was the day he had been fearing for the past six months; finally it was out. Finally Tom knew the truth. But instead of feeling relieved, Bill felt more miserable than ever; he could feel his life slipping away from him, and no matter how hard he tried to believe it, he knew this could never have a happy end for him. No matter how much he wished that Tom would feel the same, he knew it was pure fantasy — things didn't work like that in reality. In reality there were no 'happily ever after's and no 'one true love's that Bill had always believed in so firmly. Ever since he'd been a kid he had believed in love, but now he knew what Tom had known all along: love was just a fantasy that people made up so they wouldn't feel so alone. Bill's life was officially over; everything he had ever worked for, everything he had ever loved, was about to become history.

~*~

When Tom pulled into their garage at home, there was no sign of Bill's car; obviously he hadn't come home. But where could he be? Maybe he just stopped somewhere to get something and would arrive later.

With a heavy sigh, Tom went upstairs and busied himself with cleaning up the breakfast that remained untouched.

However two hours later, Bill still didn't show. Tom began to worry, for the second time today. Where could Bill have gone? Tom proceeded to call Georg and Gustav again, but neither had seen or heard anything from him. The same went for David, and every other person Tom could think of that might know anything about his brother.

Eventually he began to get desperate - had something happened to Bill? Had he been in an accident? The worst thoughts and images started flooding Tom's mind. Should he call the police? Hospitals? No, it was too early for that, he couldn't report someone who'd only been missing a few hours; it could cause a huge media hype over nothing.

The ringing of the phone nearly caused Tom to have a heart attack, and he stumbled towards their home phone that barely anyone even used these days. He hesitated for a second, fearing it would be the hospital to tell him that Bill was dead, but eventually gathered his nerves and picked it up; just because he and Bill were in a fight didn't mean he was about to be dead. Right?

"Hello?" Tom answered hoarsely.

"Tom honey, glad I caught you!" his mother's voice greeted him; Tom let out a shaky breath.

"What happened to Bill? Did something happen to upset him?" she asked skeptically.

"Is he there with you?" Tom asked, his voice filled with obvious hope.

"Yes, he arrived a little while ago. He locked himself in his room and doesn't really want to talk to anyone. What happened?" her voice was both accusing and worried.

"I'm coming over, hold on," Tom hung up before his mother could say anything else. It was a nearly two hour car drive from Berlin to Loitsche, but Tom managed it in almost half that time.

By the time he pulled up into the familiar driveway it was late in the evening, and Tom's rage and worry had ceased a bit. He stopped in front of the house and parked behind Bill's car, going over his plans. He had rehearsed the apology a million times, and by now he was certain he had picked the best way to go about this. Hopefully Bill wouldn't make this any harder than it already was.

His mother came out of the house as he approached; she looked worried. "What's going on with you boys?"

"We had a fight. It was my fault," Tom admitted sadly.

"Funny, that's exactly what Bill said," she smiled up at him and ushered him into the house.

"Hey kid," Gordon smiled at him as he walked into the living room; "Everything alright with you guys?"

"Yeah um...I'm gonna go talk to Bill," Tom excused himself from his parents, really not wanting to explain this. It probably wouldn't come across so well with them if they knew what he had done to his little brother. 

"Bill?" Tom knocked softly on Bill's door, wanting to approach this as delicately as possible, but he was greeted by silence. 

"Bill, please let me in, we need to talk," he tried patiently, but Bill just ignored him.

Taking a steadying breath, he knocked again, this time a little louder; "Can we just talk about this please?" Obviously Bill was set on difficult mode because there was no reply; Tom began getting angry again. He knew this was all his fault, but he was really trying, and Bill was making it unnecessarily hard for him. He had had a very trying day, worrying himself half to death over his brother, twice, and the little patience he had left was beginning to slip away.

"Bill open the door!" he growled impatiently, but apparently Bill wasn't impressed because the door remained closed.

"I swear I'm gonna break the door down if you don't open right now!" he finally yelled, punching the door. Nothing happened.

With a deep breath, Tom took a step back and gave the door a hefty kick, but it didn't budge an inch. He tried it again, with the same result. Tom wondered how people in movies always managed to kick doors down so easily - this was impossible. Or maybe they just had really good doors. 

"Uh... Tom, what are you doing?" Gordon was standing in the hall staring at him; he didn't look very happy about the shoe prints on Bill's door.

Tom felt really stupid; "Bill's not opening the door..." he sounded a lot whinier than intended.

Gordon walked to the door and knocked, but just like before there was no answer. With a shrug he turned the handle and opened the door, giving Tom an amused look.

Tom cleared his throat awkwardly and smiled a little embarrassed at his stepfather as he walked away, leaving Tom standing at Bill's slightly ajar door.

However, once looking inside, he found the room empty; Bill hadn't even been in there. Now Tom was really glad the door had decided not to break, or he would have never heard the end of it; Bill loved his door — it was his key to privacy, and he would have probably had a stroke if he found it broken down.

The window from Bill's room was open, causing Tom to nearly smile; had he seriously climbed out through the window? They used to do that as kids when they didn't want their parents to know they were sneaking out, but that had been many years ago, and Tom really couldn't picture his fussy brother climbing out a window; especially in those clothes he always wore.

With a small smile, Tom followed his twin outside — he used the front door though.

Slowly he walked along the small road that lead to the granite factory 'Magna Stones' behind their house. There was a large, blue crane with a conveyor belt somewhere back there, where they sometimes played as kids, until someone saw them and chased them away. It had been years since he had actually come here; it made him feel nostalgic.

The familiar noise of the crane was ever present, even at this late hour, and Tom could see the lights from the excavation that he was heading towards. There was a small hole in the old fence somewhere where they used to climb through sometimes, though Tom wasn't sure if he would still fit through it.

Soon enough he found it, and squeezed through the rusty chicken wire. Ahead of him, sitting on one of the large granite hills, he spotted his brother with his legs drawn to his chest, arms wrapped around his legs and head resting on his knees; it was Bill's 'sad pose'.

~*~

Bill sighed miserably, sniffing a little as he watched the crane transport granite around with that hellish noise he had despised so much as a kid. It had been so long since he had come here; the last time had been with Tom when they were around thirteen or so. How he wished things were still as easy as they had been back then. Back when their biggest problem was passing the next math test.

More so than ever, he missed Tom as his mind was flooded with childhood memories of their life before they had become famous. Before Tokio Hotel. Before Tom began whoring around. Before this awful mess happened. Before Warren happened. Stupid Warren — this was all his fault. And stupid Tom, for wanting to have sex with him on the Maldives. And stupid Bill for falling for his brother.

Absently he saw movement on his right and turned to look; Tom was approaching him.

Part of him really wanted to run away and hide, but the other part was just too tired to keep lying and pretending; it was all over anyway. No point in trying to salvage anything. All he could do now was listen to Tom's anger and disappointment.

~*~

All of Tom's rehearsing had been in vain because now that he was here, he had forgotten all of it. The truth was that he had no idea how to approach this, or how to apologize; this was far beyond his capabilities.

"I'm sorry," he finally managed, not sounding at all as sorry as he truly felt.

Bill turned to look at him, perplexed; "About what?"

"...About that night on the Maldives...?" Tom was a little confused; was there anything else he should be sorry for right now? For a second he almost thought that maybe it hadn't been Bill after all, but then he remembered the tattoo and... everything else. It had definitely been Bill that night — there was no doubt about it.

Bill looked away, nodding. 

~*~

Bill wanted to scream in frustration; Tom only knew half the truth. He had to tell him the rest. This was his chance to come clean, once and for all.

"You don't have to be sorry, I'm the one should-" Bill began but Tom cut him off.

"The hell are you talking about! That was all my fault. Oh God, Bill, I'm so sorry. I don't know how that could have happened. I swear I didn't know. I would never... I'm so sorry. Please forgive me," Tom babbled desperately.

Bill was taken aback; this wasn't going at all the way he thought it would. He had been certain Tom would be furious that Bill had been lying in his bed that night, and blame it all on him, but instead Tom kept rambling one apology after another. Bill wanted to stop him and tell him the truth, but didn't manage; he didn't want to. He didn't want Tom to hate him.

While Tom rambled, Bill promised he would take his secret to the grave; he would never again impersonate Warren, and he would never burden his twin with the horrible truth. From now on he would pretend they were just brothers, and allow Tom to live his life without him in it.

"It's ok Tom. It wasn't your fault. You didn't know," he said softly, trying his best to smile. It was true — it really wasn't Tom's fault. It was Bill's; he had been lying there that night. And he had fallen in love with him.

"I just want our relationship to go back to the way it used to be... I just... I wish we could forget that ever happened," said Tom miserably, throwing a handful of granite down into the quarry.

"I want that, too," Bill assured him, even though it wasn't at all what he wanted. It was just what he wanted to want. And what he would force himself to do.

~*~

Tom felt terrible; he had come up with so many good and smart things to say, but somehow it was a lot harder than it had been in his mind. It was impossible to put his sorrow and guilt into words; he just couldn't explain to Bill how bad he felt. Even though they both wanted their relationship to go back to the way it was, Tom knew it wouldn't happen; even if Bill said that he forgave him, he could see in his twin's eyes that it wasn't true - Bill was completely devastated and miserable.

After a long, awkward silence, Tom heard Bill's stomach rumble loudly; he wondered if Bill had eaten anything since he threw up so many hours ago in Berlin.

Bill made an indignant face at his stomach and then carefully looked over at him.

"Yeah, I'm hungry too," Tom chuckled softly, finally causing Bill to smile - Tom's world was alright again. His brother's smile had never failed to make him feel better, much less when he yearned to see it for so long.

They got up and brushed the dust off their clothes before slowly heading back down to their house. On their way back Bill began talking about what he wanted to eat; a lot of people believed Bill had eating disorders because he was so skinny, but Tom knew Bill ate like a pig when he was given the right food. He didn't understand where it all went.

Bill wanted to cook something, so when they got back home they began to cook. Tom was a terrible cook, but Bill was alright - at least as alright as someone could be who never really cooked.

"Are you guys serious? It's almost 1am, what are you doing?" Simone complained, sticking her head into kitchen. She looked a bit grumpy, but upon seeing that they were getting along, she smiled warmly.

"We'll be really quiet," Bill promised; Simone rolled her eyes and went back to bed.

~*~

Even though Tom didn't know the truth, and things between them were officially over, Bill began feeling a bit better as they ate. It was probably better this way — they were brothers after all; they weren't meant to be lovers. Bill was determined to get over it; he was determined to get back on track with Tom and be a good brother again. Yes, Bill decided firmly, he wouldn't allow this ridiculous love thing to destroy his life and his relationship with Tom: if Tom was so stupid that he really hadn't figured out what had happened, Bill would leave it at that and be grateful that he could at least have his brother... as a brother.

Bill ignored the stabbing pain in his chest while his rational brain planned his future without the lover he craved. Usually Bill always listened to his heart, but not this time; this time his heart had no saying, and would be ignored whether it was broken or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aww, poor bill and tom, i feel so bad for them O.O


	12. Chapter 12

The next day Tom followed his twin's car all the way back to Berlin, where they arrived sometime after lunch. During the entire drive Tom was contemplating his next move; he had just left Warren without any explanation the other day, and really needed to clear things up between them.   
He wanted to finally get to know him better, and talk to him about all this — well maybe not all of it... he would leave the part out where he had accidentally raped his little brother, since he really didn't think that would come across so well with him.   
The memory still made him cringe; how the hell had that happened? Even though last night had been surprisingly comfortable with Bill, it was still really weird and he didn't know if their relationship would ever be normal again. Maybe he just needed to get used to it. But how do you get used to the fact that you accidentally had sex with your brother?

With the millionth sigh, Tom got out of his car once they parked in the garage, and silently followed his brother to the elevator.

"Are you ok?" Bill asked quietly, not looking at him as they rode the elevator to the 8th floor.

"Yeah, no, I'm good," he assured him, even though he wasn't sure it was true; "And you?" he asked carefully.

Bill smiled, though Tom could easily see it was fake; "I'm great."

The elevator doors opened, and Tom unlocked their door; he really wanted to talk about this, but didn't know how to approach it again, nor what to say about it, so they went their separate ways to their rooms in silence.

This entire story was such a mess, Tom had no idea how to proceed with anything at all anymore. Perhaps he should go see Warren, and hope that the twisted thing with Bill would sort itself out on its own.

Hopefully Warren wouldn't resent him too much for having had sex with someone else that night on the Maldives... he hadn't paid any attention at all as to what he had said to him the other day because he'd been way too caught up in the fact that the other person had been Bill. What if Warren was angry at him? What if he didn't want to have anything to do with him anymore? What if he left?

With a determined nod, he headed back to the door in order to go see Warren; he needed to clear things up — right now. Plus he wanted someone to comfort him, and Warren was the only person he wanted to be with right now. Back in the elevator he laughed quietly at himself; was he seriously driving out to see his boyfriend in hopes of being comforted by him? How his life had changed since he met that boy.

"Hey," Warren smiled as he opened the door; "Is everything ok? You left so suddenly... Sorry I was upset about the tattoo thing, it's totally not a big deal," he laughed shyly.

"No, no. You were right. I'm really sorry... I mistook you for someone else... I'm so sorry," he said sincerely even though it didn't even begin to express how truly sorry he was; "So much has happened lately and..." Tom sighed, running a hand through his hair; how could he explain this to him without it being weird? "Do you want to go somewhere? We could drive out of the city for a bit," he suggested hopefully.

"Oh um... I'm not so much into nature sex," Warren laughed awkwardly; "I'd much rather we just do it here."

Tom laughed awkwardly as well; "No. I... meant to talk?" Wow... since when would he rather talk than have sex? But right now there was just too much going on to be thinking about sex; contrary to popular belief, there were things in the world that were more important to him than getting laid — Warren being at the very top of that list.

"Uh... sure. What do you want to talk about?" Warren shrugged, looking a bit confused.

Was this what people felt like when they tried to talk to him and he obviously didn't feel like listening? He felt like such a jerk; from now on he would try to be a little more sensitive.

"I don't know. I've just been thinking about this a lot lately, and my life has changed so much... I don't really know where to begin," he began slowly, really not knowing where he was trying to go with this; somehow talking to Warren was a lot harder than he had thought. Maybe their chemistry outside of the bed wasn't so good after all...?

"Oh," Warren nodded, sitting down at the couch; he wasn't half as concerned or comforting as Tom had hoped he would be, and so far he was feeling worse than when he had gotten here; he preferred the mysterious Warren that was amazing in bed. Had he been wrong about them? Were they not compatible at all beyond a sexual point?

"I'm just really confused about all this," he sighed, sitting down as well.

"About what?" Warren asked, looking more confused than Tom felt.

"Everything. This is all so new to me... I never expected to feel this way," he admitted quietly, hoping he wasn't freaking Warren out.

"What's new...?" Warren didn't seem to be following him at all.

"You and I," Tom tried to explain, feeling somewhat outraged that Warren didn't seem to be feeling this way at all. "Don't you... I mean, what do you think about this? I'd really like to get to know you better," he finished dejectedly, feeling somewhat betrayed; could it be that he really meant nothing more to Warren than sex? 

"I kinda thought this was just for fun," Warren shrugged uncomfortably; "I didn't really know you were looking for something more serious, but I guess we could get to know each other better, if you want? Though I have to go back to Canada in two days," he said far too casually for Tom's taste.

"What?! Why? When were you going to tell me about this?" he asked, almost panicking; how could Warren just leave like that? And be so casual about it? Tom thought he would have a nervous breakdown; of course he had thought about the fact that Warren would leave some day, but somehow he had thought that he would manage to change his mind and... tell him that they were meant for each other, convince him to stay in Germany with him, or something.

Warren seemed a little puzzled at his outburst; "I don't know. You told me to call you if I was ever around - I arrived a few days ago and thought it would be cool to hook up for a night, but you've been sort of weird, so I don't know," he looked at Tom a little unsure.

Tom could hardly believe his ears; he had thought about him every day, almost every hour, for the past few months, and this was all that it had meant to him? A random hook up?

Then the guy's words slowly began to sink in. 'A few days ago?'

"When did you arrive, exactly?" he asked slowly, beginning to feel somewhat sick.

"On Tuesday," Warren looked at his watch to check the date.

"This Tuesday?" Tom could have sworn his voice was an octave too high; Warren seemed to have noticed that as well.

"Yes... why?" he asked a little uncertain.

Tom felt his head spinning; what the hell was going on around here?! He decided to lay the cards on the table, once and for all.

"Do you have a key to my apartment?" he asked breathlessly.

Warren was baffled; "Of course not, why would I have that?!"

His world stood still for a moment as he tried to process the information. Warren didn't have a key to his apartment; what did that mean?

"Have we ever had sex?" he asked passively, trying to keep the contents of his stomach in place.

"I know that you're a total player, Tom, but at least have the decency to remember whom you've slept with and whom you haven't," Warren crossed his arms, sending him an angry glare.

"Is that a yes or a no?" Tom asked weakly, not knowing how to progress with this.

"It's a no, Tom. I think you should leave," Warren glared, obviously offended, but Tom wasn't listening anymore; the only thing he had heard was the 'no' part. Warren had never been with him; not ever at all. That had been someone else the entire time?

"I'm really sorry," Tom mumbled, leaving Warren's apartment; the guy just rolled his eyes, shaking his head.

Very slowly Tom made his way back down to his car, trying to sort out his thoughts; if it hadn't been Warren, ever at all, who the hell had he been having sex with in the past few months? Who was that incredible stranger that turned his life upside down without him even knowing his name or face?

Once inside his car, he groaned loudly in frustration; what in the world was happening here? First he had sex with Bill, and now with some random person purposefully impersonating Warren; but how? How had someone found out about it? How had someone even known about Warren? Though maybe they hadn't... someone had just sneaked into his bed one night and he had assumed it was Warren. This whole thing was a total mess.

It certainly explained why Warren never spoke; Tom could have kicked himself for never investigating this whole situation, but he had been so wrapped up in his work, and somehow the whole not knowing thing was also really intriguing.

 

Eventually he pulled away from the hotel to head back home; somewhere out there in Berlin was the person he was madly in love with, and he had absolutely no idea who the hell it could be. Maybe Bill knew something? He had let the fake Warren in a few times, after all.

"Bill?" he knocked on his brother's door before entering once he was back home; "Do you have a second?"

Bill was sitting by the window with their dog, listening to music; "Sure. What's up?" he smiled, pulling the headphones out of his ears.

"I just went to see Warren," he sighed, not missing the way Bill's body stiffened immediately; obviously this was still a touchy subject for him as well; "As it turns out... Warren was never the guy who was here. I don't know who it was, but apparently I never had sex with Warren at all. First it was... well... that night on the Maldives," he mumbled awkwardly; "And then later some random person. Do you know who he is? Please tell me, Bill," he pleaded, hoping his brother would know something; "I really need to know who that guy was."

Bill just blinked a few times; "Oh, wow, that's weird. I don't know... he looked a lot like the Warren I met on the Maldives. I didn't really remember him so well, I'm sorry. I don't know who he was."

Tom sighed miserably; Bill had been his last hope. "Oh... I kind of thought we were... meant to be, but maybe not," he muttered softly, studying his shoes.

~*~

Bill wanted to cry. For the first time in their life Tom was talking about 'the one' and 'meant to be', and it was all about him but he had no way to tell him that.

"If he ever comes around again, ask him to stay, ok? I really want to talk to him," Tom gave him a somewhat hopeful look.

"Why? Aren't you really angry that he lied to you?" Bill wasn't sure if this was moving in a good direction, but the fact that Tom knew it hadn't been Warren at all, and was still interested, was very surprising.

"Technically seen he didn't lie to me... I just assumed he was Warren, and he never corrected me," Tom tried to defend the person in question; Bill nearly laughed.

"That's still lying, Tom," he smiled softly.

"Whatever... If he ever shows up, tell me. I don't care if it's in the middle of the night and I have to get up at 5 in the morning," Tom mumbled, looking completely embarrassed.

"So you actually still want to see him? Even though you have no idea who he is?" Bill kept digging, wanting to know what it was that his brother truly thought and felt about all this; he knew this was not a very good thing for his own sanity, but whatever.

"Of course I do... I don't care who he is," his brother replied quietly, staring out of Bill's window; 'If only that were so' Bill thought sadly.

"What if he's super ugly?" he grinned instead, not wanting to seem suspicious.

Tom chuckled; "Is he? You're the one who's seen him."

"No... he's totally hot. Way too hot for you, actually," Bill sniggered, causing his brother to throw a pillow at his head.

"Shut up. Ugh... I can't believe this is happening! This is such a mess," Tom whined loudly, dropping down on the bed next to Bill, face first.

Bill smiled at himself; most people didn't believe Tom could be whiney and dramatic, but he had his moments; "It'll be fine," he assured his brother, only to remember that it wouldn't be; they would never be together.   
Tom would never find the guy he was looking for, and Bill was doomed to yearn after his brother for the rest of eternity.

"No it won't... I'm never going to find anyone that perfect for me ever again."


	13. Chapter 13

Fortunately for Bill, the next few weeks were filled with work so it was barely noticeable that the fake Warren hadn't shown up. They had resorted to calling him 'that guy', since Tom didn't want to call him Warren anymore, and every once in a while Tom would bring it up and Bill would pretend to know nothing about it. Tonight was another one of those nights.

"I just don't get it. It's been nearly a month and that guy still hasn't shown up. What's wrong? Do you think something happened?" Tom asked absently while he stabbed his microwave pasta. It was past midnight again, and Bill was so tired he barely noticed how gross their food tasted.

"I'm sure he's just busy. Or maybe he thinks you're too busy to see him right now. Which would actually be true... you don't have time for sex right now, you need to get some rest. Seriously... you look like crap," Bill smiled tiredly, knowing he looked exhausted as well. He had no idea why he kept encouraging his brother even though he knew all too well that 'that guy' wouldn't be showing up ever again, but he just didn't have the heart to say that; Tom seemed so hopeful and Bill just couldn't ruin that for him.

"What if he changed his mind? What if he knows that I now know that he's not Warren and doesn't want to see me anymore?" Tom asked dramatically while Bill smiled sadly into his dinner; he knew that Tom only got this talkative and open whenever he was extremely tired, drunk or stoned, and knew his brother's rant was far from done for tonight.

"Why doesn't he just come over to talk to me?" Tom wailed pitifully; "How can he think that I would care about that, after everything that happened between us? How can he not see that we're meant to be, no matter who the hell he is?"

Bill really wanted to tell his brother to shut up because his words cut a lot deeper than Tom could ever imagine; he wished so much that his brother actually meant what he said. Sometimes, when Tom talked like this, Bill felt like just telling him and demanding to be loved because Tom promised he wouldn't care, but after a few irrational thoughts he knew that he was expecting the impossible; Tom had no idea what he was talking about and the 'I don't care who he is' did not refer to Bill. If his brother knew that it was him, he would never want any of this, no matter how perfect he thought it was.

~*~

After their midnight dinner, Tom stalked into his room and crawled into bed, feeling lonely and miserable. What was wrong with him lately? Before he had met that guy he had never felt like this; he had never had the desire to... not sleep alone. Whenever he had wanted someone in his bed it had always only been for sex, but now he actually felt lonely... a feeling he never really considered before. Bill sometimes talked like that; he used to say stuff like 'I'm lonely, I wish someone would be here with me' and crap like that, but Tom had never thought much of it. Was this the way Bill had always felt? Ugh... poor Bill, it was awful.

Generally, ever since this whole thing started, Tom had become acquainted with a whole lot of feelings that he had never wanted to know; he much more preferred his old, simple feelings — being horny and then having sex. It was so much easier than all this emotional stuff that was driving him crazy; why couldn't he go back to being careless and slutty? Why was the only person constantly on his mind that guy? Damn love, he cursed while falling asleep; it was ruining his life.

However that night it wasn't love that he dreamed about, but just plain, good old-fashioned sex. With Bill.

Gasping loudly, Tom sat up, fumbling around for the light switch that was somewhere next to his bed; what the hell had that been about?

Alright so he had had sex with Bill a while ago, but he had made sure to never think about that ever since he'd found out about it nearly a month ago, so why the heck was he dreaming about it now?!

After a few deep breaths he managed to calm down a bit and a brushed away the sweat from his brows; thankfully his erection had the decency to disappear once he was fully conscious again and remembered how guilty he felt for what he had done to Bill; how dare he dream about that and be turned on by it, Tom berated himself angrily. He couldn't even remember in detail what it was that he had dreamed exactly, but it had been about sex and Bill, and that was a deadly combination; why in the world did that even turn him on? Even if it was only in his sleep?

Despite that Bill had apparently forgiven him, he had long not forgiven himself for that night, and probably never would.

However no matter how hard Tom tried, he was unable to return to sleep that night because his twisted mind kept returning to that night on the Maldives. He had tried to avoid thinking about it and pretended it hadn't happened, but now that he really considered it, he slowly began to see the striking similarities between his brother and that guy. Everything had felt exactly the same... of course it had, that's why he had assumed it was the same person. This was all crazy. Who the hell was that guy?

With a frustrated groan, he finally got up and strolled into the kitchen, having given up on sleep for that night; maybe he could find some chocolate or something.

Sadly the kitchen had no chocolate to offer — Bill had probably eaten it all. Tom settled for a glass of Nutella while he berated himself for the sick dream he had had. What was wrong with him, just dreaming of his little brother in such a sick context?

Maybe he should really think about it; perhaps it would help him get over it, after all people said that if you faced your fears you'd be able to overcome them... and clearly one of Tom's fears was being attracted to his brother. It was a hard realization to make; how did one deal with something like that? Maybe he should consult a psychiatrist or something...

Tom decided to start at the very beginning; what did he truly know about all this? What were the hard facts that he had? First, he knew that he had meant to have sex with Warren but had ended up raping his brother instead. Second, he knew for a fact that he had met Warren a few months later in a hotel and taken him to his room where they had intended to have sex... he also knew that that hadn't happened — but why? Why had Warren left that night? And who had replaced him? Even more so, how had anyone replaced him? Who had access to their suite?

The answer was simple: no one. Not unless Warren had intentionally let someone else take his place, but that made no sense since Warren had wanted to be with him, right? But then who? How? The only other person in the suite had been Bill, but he had said that he hadn't seen or heard any-

Tom's train of thought halted abruptly in its tracks. Bill had been the only person who had both - the access to the room and the ability to kick Warren out. Had Bill recognized Warren from the Maldives and been upset because that night had led to him losing his virginity to Tom...? It made sense that Bill would kick him out but... who had the other person been who had taken Warren's place? The person who had felt exactly the same as Bill.

"No," Tom whispered into the empty kitchen; that couldn't be. It couldn't be that it had been Bill the entire time. Even if it would make more sense any anything else; Bill could come into his bedroom at any given time; he had access to everything in Tom's life; he knew when Tom was home; when he was tired or sick; he always knew when Tom was in the mood to be visited, but why would Bill do something like that, it was crazy.

The Nutella had been completely forgotten as he sat there, staring at the spoon in total disbelief; why in the world would Bill ever do that? No, it was madness — Bill would never do something like that.

Tom shook his head; it was impossible. There had to be some other explanation. Who else could it be? Who was there that was capable of doing this and why? What else did he know about all this?

After Warren had called him, Bill had freaked out completely and Tom had assumed it was because Bill was scared that Warren would reveal that it hadn't been him on the Maldives... could it be that he was also scared that something entirely different would be revealed? Like the fact that it hadn't been Warren at all but him instead? That guy had stopped showing up as soon as Tom found out that it hadn't ever been Warren... and Tom had told Bill, so obviously he knew.

All arrows pointed at Bill, but why would he do such a thing? The only plausible reason Tom could think of was revenge; if Tom wouldn't have been such a whore, he would have never accidentally had sex with Bill. Maybe Bill wanted to get even by breaking his heart... but Bill was so loving and kind, would he truly do something like that? Was he really trying to hurt him so much? Was that why he kept on encouraging him with the whole situation, even though that guy had stopped showing up? It was the only thing that made any sense at all...

Unless of course Tom was going crazy and Bill had absolutely nothing to do with this — that was also a very plausible option. Ok, maybe not a very plausible one, but definitely an option. Perhaps he should talk to him about it. No wait... that would mean he couldn't tell a total stranger apart from his own twin... Bill would think he was a sick pervert — no, he needed proof first. Proof that Bill either was, or was not that guy. But how does one get that kind of proof?

~*~

Bill yawned extensively and rubbed the sleep from his eyes; why was it already morning? He really wanted to keep on sleeping — they had been working so much lately he barely ever got to sleep and was constantly tired.

Sleepily he dragged himself into the kitchen only to find his brother already sitting at the table with a finished jar of Nutella; hadn't that jar been nearly full yesterday...?

"Hey, morning," he rasped sleepily, dropping into the chair opposite of his twin; "You look like crap. Are you ill?"

"No, I'm fine," Tom shrugged, giving him a weird look; "Coffee?" he offered, getting up to make them some.

"Please," Bill smiled gratefully while he slumped down on the table; mornings sucked. Apparently Tom was of that opinion too, because he looked even more tired than Bill felt.

"Are you ok? You look really off," Bill mused slowly while he watched his brother distractedly making Latte for them.

"Yeah no, I'm fine," Tom mumbled absently, handing him a glass of Latte with extra foam, just the way he loved it.

~*~

Tom growled internally; damn his twin for paying such close attention all the time. As calmly as he could, he sat down with his coffee, trying not to study his brother too closely; he was trying to determine whether it was possible for Bill to come up with such a terrible plot to destroy his life, or if he was just going nuts. The reasonable side of him said it was crazy — Bill would never do that, but the other argued that Bill was hurt and capable of anything; everyone knew his brother could go rogue if the occasion called for it. And given the circumstances, it definitely called for it. Had his sweet, innocent little brother really plotted it all out from the very beginning?

Critically he observed Bill who battled with the sugar, pouring insane amounts into his coffee the same way he did every morning. After he finally had enough sugar, he stirred the coffee and Tom watched mesmerized as he began to slowly lick the foam from the spoon; 'Good god, Tom, pull your head out of the gutter', he growled at himself, tearing his eyes away from the sight that actually presented itself every day; Bill wasn't behaving any different than at any other day, but today Tom knew there was a slight possibility that Bill had done a whole lot of other not so innocent things with that mouth.

Not wanting to shamelessly stare at his brother, Tom studied his untouched coffee, feeling far too queasy to actually drink it. He had to talk to Bill about this because it was killing him, but how does one address such an impossible topic? What if he was wrong? ...what if he was right?!?


	14. Chapter 14

Bill glanced across the breakfast table at his brother again - what was up with him today? He was acting so weird. Tom was distracted and nervous, looked tired and confused; had something happened? 

Or maybe he was just totally exhausted. Bill wanted a break; he was so tired and completely overworked, not to mention this whole mess with Tom was seriously stressful and he was so ready for some holidays. Sadly they still had another few weeks to go before the summer that couldn't come fast enough for Bill.

"What do you want to do in our upcoming vacation? I know we're going home for one week, but I thought in the other we could do something else... any ideas?" he asked his twin who was still studying his untouched coffee.

"Oh. I don't know, I haven't thought about it," Tom shrugged.

Bill laughed; "Are you kidding? It's the only thing that's been on my mind for weeks. But I bet your mind has been preoccupied with other things, huh?" he teased.

For some unknown reason he wanted to bring the Warren topic up all the time; did he have some weird subconscious desire to tell his brother the truth? Well maybe it wasn't all that subconscious...

Tom gave him a weird look; "Yeah. I can't stop thinking about him. I wish he would just show up and tell me who he is."

"Yeah..." Bill replied slowly, not knowing what to say; part of him just wanted to tell him that that guy would never show up, and the other wanted to say that he would creep into his bed tonight.

"Oh well," Tom shrugged, getting up from the table with his, still full, coffee mug.

Bill was about to ask him about the holiday thing again when suddenly Tom tripped over his own feet just as he was passing Bill, and spilled his entire coffee over him.

"Ah! Tom!" Bill yelled out in pain, jumping out of his chair in an attempt to get away from the hot coffee that poured down his stomach and lap.

"Sorry!" Tom apologized immediately, helping Bill out of the coffee covered clothes; "Are you ok?" he asked in concern.

"Ow," Bill complained dully, trying to remove the wet shirt that clung to his skin. Suddenly he was awfully aware of Tom's cold hands that pushed his shirt up, running along his skin that was a bit tender from the slight burn.

"Does it hurt a lot?" Tom asked once he tossed Bill's shirt aside. "We should put some ointment on that," he suggested, moving in the direction of the bathroom.

"It's fine, really, it barely hurts anymore," Bill declined, wanting to get dressed and away from his brother's penetrating stare.

"Don't be silly, it was hot coffee. We'll wash it and put some cream on it," his twin insisted; reluctantly Bill followed him into the bathroom where Tom was already getting a washcloth.

"Let me see," Tom said gently, dabbing the tender skin with the cold, wet fabric that immediately soothed the burn a bit.

He placed his hands against the reddened spots of Bill's stomach and hips, inspecting the burned skin; "Very bad?" he asked softly, his eyes traveling up from Bill's stomach to his eyes.

"N-no," Bill stuttered, feeling his cheeks burning worse than the coffee stained skin. Under any normal circumstances this situation wouldn't have been weird at all, but right now Bill's mind kept showing him all the possibilities a moment like this could offer, and he had a hard time concentrating on reality.

Tom just nodded, searching through the cabinets for the burn ointment while Bill fidgeted around nervously.

Once Tom found the tube with cream, the proceeded to put some on his hand and then turned back to Bill to apply it to his stomach.

"I can do that," Bill said awkwardly, but Tom pushed his hand away.

"Just stand still," he ordered, gently spreading the cool cream across Bill's skin, beginning at his left hip bone.

Trying to calm himself a bit, Bill took a steady breath while his brother gently applied the cream, a lot more thoroughly than Bill believed to be necessary.

~*~

This was all the proof Tom needed; Bill was definitely that guy. His slender waist and dominant hip bones were unmistakable, and fit perfectly into Tom's palms, just the way they always had; there wasn't a single doubt in his mind that this body belonged to the person he had spent the most unforgettable nights of his life with.

While he made sure to cover every inch of the reddened skin with cream, Tom was trying to grasp the truth; Bill was... the one.

His brother was the person he had been dreaming of for nearly an entire year. A year in which they had been living together and he hadn't noticed that it was him all along; how could he have been so blind? How could he have been so blind as to not recognize his own brother in bed...? Now that he knew, it was completely obvious; he recognized the sounds, smells, feelings - everything was Bill - he had just been too stupid to see it.

Discretely, he let his eyes travel up and down Bill's exposed upper body; it actually looked exactly the way it felt - slim, boney, solid, and made for him.

"All done," Tom smiled; thank the media for his good acting skills.

Bill just nodded and left, avoiding eye contact. It had been obvious, already back in the kitchen, that this situation was highly uncomfortable for him - was he afraid Tom would discover his secret? But what secret exactly was that? Why was Bill doing this? Tom was still convinced that it was a plot to destroy him, though there was a small, hopeful part of him that thought that maybe... 'Maybe what? Maybe Bill is in love with me?' Tom nearly laughed at his own stupidity; yeah right, like that would ever happen.

With a heavy, confused sigh he returned to the kitchen where Bill was busy cleaning up the mess Tom had made; he was fully dressed again. 'Pity...wait what...?'

They cleaned up in awkward silence, and then Bill made some toast for them while Tom watched in total fascination, never having paid such close attention to his brother before. Had he suddenly developed a crush on him? No... he'd had a crush on him for over a year... Though it couldn't even be called a crush anymore, he just hadn't known it was him until now.

Tom felt like a silly teenager, pining after a guy who wanted nothing to do with him. Being on this side of the river really sucked.

While Bill munched on his toast, Tom contemplated how he should deal with this new situation; just because he now knew it was Bill, didn't make things easier for him. Quite the opposite actually; what the hell was he going to do? He needed to talk to him about this, but how? If Bill was really doing this for revenge... then Tom would die of a broken heart... or at least something like that.

"So what do you want to do for our next holidays?" Bill interrupted his thoughts, picking up the earlier conversation.

Tom stared at him, still trying to determine whether his brother was trying to kill him or not.

~*~

'Now what?' Bill wondered when his brother suddenly stared at him as if he had said something outrageous; Tom had been acting so weird all day already.

"I don't know... maybe we should go back to the Maldives. I really liked it," he replied, still staring at him intently.

Bill nearly fell off his chair at his brother's weird words and tone of voice; what the hell was he trying to say with that? Was he trying to imply that...? No of course not, that was insane. The only reason Tom wanted to go back there is because that's where he had met Warren last year... Warren - with whom he had absolutely nothing to do - so why the hell did he want to go there?

"Why?" Bill asked carefully, trying not to sound too paranoid.

"I liked it," Tom repeated; "Didn't you?"

Was that a trick question...? Why was Tom talking about this? They had never talked about that night - not even once. Why was Tom suddenly asking him so directly? And what's more - what exactly was Tom asking him? Was this about the Maldives or...? Of course it was, it had to be - there was no way Tom was asking him if he had enjoyed their night together. Right?

"Yes... I liked it," Bill mumbled slowly, feeling vulnerable and exposed under his brother's intense stare; what was going on here...?

"Great. We should go back there then," Tom smiled brightly, suddenly completely back to normal. What the hell had that just been?!

"Alright," Bill mumbled uncertainly. What had suddenly gotten into his brother? Did he suspect something...? No way.

They hadn't actually slept together for well over a month - if he would be smart enough to figure it out, it would have happened ages ago. But then why was he asking questions like that? Everyone knew that Bill had had a terrible holiday there, so why would he ask if he wanted to go back? That, and they both made sure never to speak about that. 'Oh my god, he knows,' Bill thought, completely paranoid.

But Tom had gone back to his toast, peacefully nibbling around on it the way he always did. Maybe he didn't know and Bill was just going crazy. This whole thing was ridiculous; he needed to talk to him. But how? What if he didn't know? ...what if he did?!?

~*~

After he was done with his breakfast, Tom got up and dumped his dishes in the sink before leaving the kitchen.

Once back in his room, he let out a deep, shaky breath, still trying to calm himself form the insane rollercoaster he was on.

Now all he had to do was interpret his brother's reactions correctly; of course that was easier said than done because Bill had looked confused and uncertain, and that could mean an entire variety of things. The fact that he said he had liked it could, of course, refer to the Maldives, but everyone knew Bill had hated it there since it had turned into a nightmare for him, so why should he say that he liked it, unless he was talking about... the other thing? Unless of course he was lying and only saying that because he suspected that Tom suspected something and was now trying to mess with his head.

Tom groaned and dropped down on his bed; could it really be that Bill was just messing with him? Would he really do that? But what other explanation was there? The whole 'being in love' thing made no sense at all, and was far too good to be true. Wait. Did he even want Bill to be in love with him...? They were brothers... twins. That was so wrong. Was that even legal...? Probably not. And what if someone found out? Georg, or Gustav? David... Their parents!

"Ugh," Tom groaned miserably, burring his head in his pillows; maybe he should just forget about all this and pretend it never happened. He could always go back to groupie-sex...

Of course that wasn't at all what he wanted, but what did he want? Did he really want to be with Bill...?'It doesn't matter because it's not actually an option,' he reminded himself bitterly.

How could his brother do this to him? Tom began getting angry; he hadn't meant to hurt him that night, and now Bill did this to him?

All doubts and questions faded away as Tom was consumed by anger and resentment over what his twin had done to him. Never before had he felt so betrayed by anyone - was this how Bill had felt that night? If it was, why was he deliberately doing this to him now?

Of course Tom knew it had been his fault, but he still didn't think that he deserved such a cruel revenge. He had truly cared about... that guy - he almost dared to say that he loved him. And not in a brotherly way. How could Bill have done this to him?

Tom choked back a painful sob, digging himself deeper into his pillows; this couldn't be happening...


	15. Chapter 15

"How's he feeling?" Georg asked when Bill entered the studio.

"Not much better, I think," Bill sighed heavily, dumping his bag in a chair. They were talking about Tom who had been sick for the past few days, but no one knew with what. He didn't have a fever, or anything else like that, but said he was feeling ill and remained in bed, refusing to speak to anyone.

By now everyone was extremely worried, and Tokio Hotel had been put on hold; they just met up at the studio to rehearse a bit, but it wasn't very effective without Tom.

The longer Tom's disease lasted, the more worried Bill began to get because he suspected that Tom wasn't ill at all but, in fact, devastated; he well remembered how it was that he had gotten 'sick'. It had been on that day that he'd been so weird and asked about the Maldives... by now Bill was almost certain that he knew, or at least suspected that it had been Bill all the time, and the reason he was 'ill' was because he was so angry, disappointed, freaked out and disturbed that it had been his brother in his bed all those nights.

Bill hated himself - why had he done that to his brother? He'd been such an idiot... his twin was completely broken up about this and it was all his fault. How could he, for just one moment, have believed that his brother would feel anything but hatred and regret once he found out? And of course he was bound to find out sooner or later; no one could live with a secret like that forever.

 

~*~

Moodily, Tom stuffed his things into the bags he would be taking with them to the Maldives. They had decided to go there first before going home since they were both afraid of what their parents would think if they saw them like that; of course they didn't actually say it, but Tom was quite certain they both thought it. 

He couldn't wait to finally get out of here because being locked in the apartment with his brother had become unbearable over the past few weeks.

Even though they both knew something was wrong, neither of them made an attempt to make it better which was very unlike them because they always tried to solve their problems as soon as possible. Not so this time though; this time Bill made no attempt to reconcile, and was obviously very pleased with the devastation he had caused in Tom's life.

The past few weeks had only served for Tom to fall deeper into his desperate yearning for the lover his brother would never be, and the more time passed the farther he got away from getting over him.

People always said it would take some time; he would get over it; these things happened to everyone; soon he'd forget all about it; and whatever other crap, but Tom knew they were wrong. Time was against him, and destroying the desolate relationship they still had left.

It wasn't as if Tom wanted to cut his twin out of his life but he just didn't see another choice because being close to him was pure torture, and seeing him reminded him how much his brother had deliberately hurt him; it made him want to break down every time Bill dared to give him a hesitant, hopeful smile. Why did he even do that? Was he trying to mock him...?

Somehow Bill's behavior didn't go well with the situation at all because he didn't seem all that happy about the results even though he should be; he should be ecstatic about the damage he had done to Tom.

"Tom?" He was harshly pulled from his dark thoughts by Georg's familiar voice from the living room. A second later he barged in through the door without knocking.

"Hey buddy. You ready to leave?" Georg grinned cheerfully but Tom just huffed quietly, looking at his packed bags. He didn't even know why he was going on this nightmare trip to the Maldives anyway; it was probably the worst idea they had ever had.

"Great, let's go then; van's here," Georg announced, grabbing two of Tom's three bags.

"Geo, what are you doing here?" Tom grumbled moodily, pulling the remaining bag out into the living room where Bill and Gustav were busy with Bill's bags.

"Gus and I are seeing you guys to the airport," Georg smiled cheerfully.

"Why?" Tom sighed, not even caring.

"Because we're buddies and you guys are having some serious issues and need support," Gustav interrupted solemnly.

Tom noticed Bill awkwardly staring at his feet at that but he said nothing.

"Whatever," Tom rolled his eyes, stalking stiffly towards the door; it's not like Georg or Gustav could change what was happening between them so it really didn't matter what they did.

 

Soon enough, everything was packed in the car and the drive to the airport began; Bill and Georg were in front, talking about something band related that Tom really hadn't been interested in lately, while he and Gustav sat in the back in total silence.

"Everything ok between you and Bill?" Gustav whispered only a few minutes into the drive.

Tom gave him a look; "Does it look like everything's ok?" He had told Gustav a long time ago that he and Bill had spoken about that night on the Maldives, but he hadn't told him that 'Warren' had been sneaking into his bed randomly, or that he had recently found out that it was Bill the whole time.

"Is this still about the Maldives thingy?" Gustav asked just as quietly as before.

"Yes," Tom grumbled.

"Why are you guys even going there?" he asked a bit desperately.

"I don't know. Everything started there, so maybe it will somehow end there as well," Tom sighed quietly, not sure if he wanted or believed that. He knew the relationship he and his twin had always had was over anyway, so what was he even expecting to happen on the Maldives? For things to magically solve themselves?

"Why are you upset about all this? Shouldn't Bill be the angry one?" Gustav kept asking, obviously having stored all his questions from the past few weeks.

"Trust me, he is," Tom sighed miserably.

"Then why don't you guys talk about? You're making all our lives really hard with this, Tom," Gustav said quietly.

Tom hadn't really thought much about how all this impacted everyone else around them; sure, they were there and related to them in some way, but for the past few weeks he'd been quite blind for anyone else's pain.

"I'm sorry, Gus," he sighed softly; "I don't know how this could happen to me and Bill... I don't know how we're ever supposed to get over this shit. Our relationship is over," he mumbled softly, trying to keep himself from breaking down in front of his friend.

"It's not over. You're twins; those things don't just end. Talk to him... Tell him you're sorry and make it up to him," Gustav urged quietly.

"No!" Tom said nearly loud enough for Georg and Bill to hear; "He's the one who did this... I already apologized and did everything I could; he's the one who turned things around and decided to ruin my life instead," Tom snapped angrily, feeling his entire frustration for his brother coming back at full force.

"Well whose fault is that?!"Gustav retorted, beginning to lose his patience; "If you weren't such a slut then none of that would have ever happened. Bill has a right to be upset."

Even though Tom knew his friend was right, he wanted to break his face. He hadn't hurt Bill intentionally after all, and even though he actually felt like he deserved what Bill had done to him, it didn't change that it was far too much and too painful. Bill should have thought of a less cruel revenge than that.

"Tom," Gustav tried again, a lot calmer this time; "You're not just ruining your life but also ours... There are more people involved in this mess than just you and Bill. I don't know what exactly the problem is with you guys, but please try to work it out... For everyone's sake."

Tom sighed heavily, covering his face with his hands; how was he supposed to do that? Pretend like everything was fine? For how long? Things wouldn't get better just by waiting... Someone had to do something. But what?

 

~*~

The flight and short travel to their bungalow passed by in total silence during which Bill wished the plane would crash. Or the car. Or something else that would stop this terrible journey from going on.

But of course nothing of the sort happened and soon enough they were both standing in the living room of the exact same bungalow they had been in last year. Had Tom picked this precise one on purpose?

Nervously, Bill eyed the door to the left room in which Tom had slept last time they were here; the room in which all of this mess had started. He didn't even understand what they were doing back here in this hellish place - just being here was a nightmare.

Without a single word, Tom grabbed his luggage and pulled it into the left room, leaving Bill standing alone in the middle of the semi dark room with the beautiful ocean view. He felt even more miserable than the last time he had stood there in the middle of the night, abandoned and misunderstood by his brother.

~*~

Once safely locked in the cursed room, Tom slid down to the floor in misery, staring at the bed which still looked exactly like last year. The same white spreads. The same bedposts to which he had tied... Bill.

He still couldn't understand how he hadn't realized that it was his own brother that night.

How could one little mistake, such as having sex with a stranger, destroy his entire life? How could his brother do this to him?

While he sat on the floor contemplating everything that had happened over the past year, he began getting more and more absorbed by the pain and resentment his brother had caused him. They had actually come here because Tom had hoped things would get better, but they actually just got worse.

All those awful things he felt for his brother came bubbling to the surface anew, overpowering him with sick desire and lust for revenge; he didn't deserve what Bill had done to him. His twin had gone too far, and now he would pay for it.

 

While he waited for his brother to fall asleep, Tom paced up and down his room, letting himself be consumed by contempt; not only at his brother for what he had done, but at himself for having driven his brother to do so... And at himself for what he intended to do next.

 

It was already past midnight by the time he finally crept out of his room, nearly shaking with anxiety, and made his way to his brother's unlocked door.

As quietly as possible, he sneaked inside the room that was dimly lit from the moonlight that gave everything a serene, peaceful glow. But the serenity was treacherous and revealed nothing of what was happening to them.

At the bed he paused, looking over his brother's peaceful, sleeping features. He looked so calm, as if nothing would be wrong in his life. Was there? Was Bill suffering at all under what was happening to them, or did he not care?

There was a part of him that believed Bill cared as much as him, but it was irrational because if that were so, he would have never done this to them.

Shakily he took Bill's wrist and lifted it as gently as possible towards the bedpost where he secured it with one of the curtain ropes, moving slowly so his brother wouldn't wake.

Soon enough his twin's second hand was restrained as well and Tom carefully climbed on the bed to settle above him; he had the ridiculous desire to kiss him awake and turn this into one of those insane, amazing nights they had spent together, but held himself back; this was not how it was going to go tonight. Tonight Bill would pay for what had had done. Tonight he would be in as much pain as Tom had been for so long.

~*~

Bill was pulled from his sleep by a comfortable weight that settled on his hips; it was familiar even though he hadn't felt it in a long time.

Groggily he opened his sleep filled eyes, staring around in the darkness in a moment of confusion before he remembered that they were on the Maldives. And Tom was leaning above him. Surely he was still sleeping.

"How could you do this to me?" Tom's angry voice assured him that this was, in fact, not a dream at all.

"W-what? Tom... What are you doing?" Bill rasped sleepily, beginning to get a bit nervous; this was not the way things were in his dreams. He tried to move his hands but found them restrained to the bedposts. It reminded him of the first night in Tom's bed just across the hall. And just like that night, he began to get terrified.

"Tom. I'm sorry," he tried nervously, trying to move again but his brother's weight kept him in place.

"You will be."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh noes....


	16. Chapter 16

Tom yanked the blankets away and returned to his earlier position over Bill; he had never been this angry at anyone before; it was a lot worse than when he had first found out about all this.

"Wait, Tom," Bill stuttered, clearly afraid, but it only served to encourage Tom further; he wanted Bill to be as hurt and miserable as he was.

"Shut up!" he snarled angrily, pushing him back down into the bed and restraining the leg that was trying to kick him off.

"Stop!" Bill nearly yelled, trying to kick him again.

Tom just laughed bitterly, kneeling down on Bill's thigh and making him groan in pain while he began pushing his brother's clothes out of the way.

"What are you doing?!" Bill yelled in panic, trying to free himself from the restraints, but Tom ignored him.

"Stop it! Why are you doing this?" he asked desperately, and Tom could hear his voice break at the end of the sentence.

Though he had every intention to hurt Bill, he knew he couldn't actually... do anything to him; he wasn't turned on by this. Not even a little bit. His twin's terrified voice let his skin crawl and brought out his brotherly instinct of wanting to protect him, not hurt him.

"Please stop it!" Bill begged once Tom had finished yanking his pajama bottoms off.

This was not going at all according to Tom's plan; Bill's fear was supposed to be satisfying him, not making him sick. This wasn't what he wanted.

"Why aren't you sorry?" he asked angrily, settling himself on top of his struggling brother again.

"What?" Bill asked in a mixture of fear and confusion.

"How could you do this to me?" he yelled furiously; "That night was an accident; I didn't know it was you! I never meant to hurt you," he finished more quietly, desperate to make his twin understand how sorry he was for what had happened.

"I'm sorry," Bill whispered.

Every intention Tom had had to hurt his brother was gone, leaving behind nothing but a dull, empty ache in his heart. After fumbling around with the restraints for a bit, he managed to loosen them and then got off the bed.

"Tom... I really am sorry," Bill whimpered, sitting up.

"Go to hell," he said quietly, leaving the room. Revenge wasn't what he wanted; he didn't know what he wanted, but no revenge in the world would ease his pain. He knew Bill was only saying that he was sorry because he was afraid of his wrath, but he didn't care anymore; he didn't want to hear Bill's fake apology. His brother had turned out to be a completely different person than he had always believed him to be, and he didn't want to have anything to do with him right now. How could he have been so wrong about his own brother?

~*~

Bill pulled the covers back over himself, not bothering to get dressed, and wiped away the few stray tears his brother had left behind. At least now he knew the truth. At least now it was truly over; all of it; their relationship as brothers; their career and, above all, the love he had waited for his entire life. What was going to become of them? What would become of Tokio Hotel? They couldn't possibly keep working together; not like this. At least Bill couldn't. At the moment he felt like he couldn't do anything at all other than helplessly cry himself into a sleep he never wanted to wake up from.

 

~*~While Tom lay in bed, desperately trying to tell himself that he didn't care about all this, he slowly returned to the bitter grief he had been trying to overcome in the past few weeks; how would their life go on? How could they ever return to being brother's after what had happened between them?

His mind eventually provided him with the ugly truth: they couldn't. Their relationship was irrevocably broken. Everything they had ever had; the incredible relationship that had always been so special; was officially gone, leaving behind nothing but painful mistakes.

~*~The next morning Bill awoke to find that Tom had left and returned to L.A. without him. He had abandoned him with nothing more than a simple note stating that he had left; not that Bill was surprised, but he was hurt nonetheless. Of course Tom's behavior was easy to understand, but not at all easy to accept.

Not wanting to face Tom at the moment, Bill decided to stay for the rest of the week on the Maldives and dwell in guilt and misery; he didn't leave the bungalow a single time and slept in the bed that Tom had last slept in, not allowing the maids to clean out that room; it was the last thing that connected him to his brother and he was desperate to keep it for as long as possible.

But of course the time came for him to finally return home because the week, that had seemed like a year, was finally over and left him no choice but to return to the apartment he shared with his brother.

Or at least the one he had shared with his brother, as he came to realize when he arrived at home; Tom was gone. Together with all of his things.

"Tom?" Bill yelled, dropping his bags at the door; this couldn't be happening.

"Tom!!" he screamed at the top of his lungs, knowing his brother was long gone. Tom had left him; literally this time. He had actually moved out.

They had never lived apart before and Bill felt completely forlorn, even more so than when Tom had hated him.

What was he supposed to do without his brother? Bill hated being alone... And knowing that his brother was out there somewhere, hating him for what he had done, only made it worse.

His first instinct was to call one of the Gs, but then he remembered that he had used and betrayed his own brother, and talking to them was out of the question; he couldn't talk to anyone at all about this; there was no one who would understand him.

So the next few weeks passed by in misery for both Bill and Tom, and Tokio Hotel had been put on hold for an indefinite amount of time. No one managed to find out what it was that the twins were fighting about, but since they had moved into different places everyone knew it was something very serious. The media speculated about a possible break-up of the band, and the tabloids were going crazy with ridiculous rumors, none of which was remotely close to the truth... Thank god.

Just like every day in the past few weeks, Bill was lying on the couch surrounded by piles of food wrappings and other disgusting things while he tried to ignore the world. Just like on various days before, someone rang on the door and he ignored it.

Except today the ringing wouldn't stop. Someone was incessantly ringing a million times, trying to drive him crazy. In total annoyance, Bill covered his ears with his hands and groaned loudly, not wanting to get up; whoever that was, he didn't want to see them anyway.

However the ringing didn't stop, and eventually he got up together with a long line of curses.

A few steps before reaching the door, the ringing suddenly stopped; Bill contemplated opening the door. He had already gotten up, but there could be anyone on the other side... Like Tom for example.

No of course not, Tom had a key. Bill really wasn't interested in seeing anyone else, so he turned around to return to the couch. However after taking one step away from the door, the bell rang again.

"What?!" Bill yelled angrily, ripping the door opening.

"Good afternoon, sweetheart," his mother said drily, pushing into the apartment uninvited.

Bill groaned internally; great, just what he needed right now. "What are you doing here mom?" he asked tiredly, shutting the door by the time she was almost in the living room.

"Did something die in here?" Simone asked skeptically, sniffing around his living room and proceeding to open curtains and windows.

"Ugh, mom!" Bill groaned, dropping down on the couch and burying his face in the blankets.

"What is that godawful smell?" she complained in disgust, looking into all sorts of empty take-out boxes and sniffing them.

"I don't smell anything," Bill said slowly, sniffing the air; "What do you want? I can take care of myself," he complained moodily; he really didn't need his mother babying him right now.

"Yeah, I can smell that," she said dully, sitting down next to him.

"Could you please stop talking about smells?!" Bill growled darkly.

"Oh my god!" Simone jumped away from him; "That smell is you! When was the last time you showered? You smell like that pot of potatoes I forgot in the fridge for nearly a month..." she scrunched up her nose in disgust while Bill gave her an indignant look.

"I don't have time for that right now. So what do you want?" he sighed.

"Uh-huh. I can see you're way too busy to take a shower... and shave; you look like there's a raccoon living on your face."

"Mom!" Bill whined loudly, throwing his hands up in exasperation.

"Sweetie..." Simone sighed, sitting back down by his side; "What's going on with you and Tom?"

Bill hesitated for a second, caught off guard by her sudden change of behavior; "I don't know. I guess we just... grew apart," he shook his head, not knowing what to tell her or how to explain this insane situation.

"What are you talking about? How can you grow apart? You two have always been closer than sardines," she made another disturbing animal comparison; his mother was weird like that.

"I don't know... I did something really stupid and now Tom hates me," Bill mumbled sadly.

"Don't be ridiculous; Tom would never hate you. He misses you a lot," she said softly, rubbing his arm encouragingly.

"No he doesn't. He wants me to die," Bill denied dejectedly.

"Stop talking crazy. I spoke to him earlier and he's very upset about all this," she assured him.

"You talked to him?" Bill's stomach did a small backflip at this information.

"Yes, I had lunch with him today. He didn't tell me what happened, but oddly enough he seems to think this is all his fault," Simone chuckled; "Maybe you guys should just talk it out... Or you could tell me what happened and we can try to find a solution to this mess," she offered.

"Uh... no," Bill muttered stupidly, giving her a freaked out look. The last thing he needed was for his mother to be involved in this whole thing; she would probably disown them both or something...

"Oh?" Simone raised a suspicious eyebrow; "And why not? What did you guys do? Are you in some sort of trouble? What is it Bill?" she asked sternly; "Drugs? Alcohol? Gambling? STDs? Which is it?" she demanded, placing her hands on her hips and giving him that stern mother look that made him feel guilty immediately.

"It's none of those!" he defended himself.

"Then what?" her voice went a lot softer again; damn his mother changed moods quickly. "You know you can tell me anything," she offered softly.

"Not everything," Bill sighed, giving her a miserable look.

"Try me. Have I not been very understanding for all your..." she gestured up and down Bill's body, "everything?"

"Yes, but this is different," Bill had to smile a bit; it was true that his mother was very understanding, but that was something entirely different.

"Sweetheart you're not alone in this. Whatever issues you guys have, I'm sure there's some way to work them out. You boys have always gotten over whatever differences you had; and there were a lot of those; so I'm sure we can sort this out now too," she smiled encouragingly; "I love you both so much and I can't stand this fighting anymore... What's going on Bill?"

His mother's soft voice made him want to break down and confess everything, but once he told her, he would never be able to take it back; what kind of a parent could possibly understand something like that?

Sadly, there weren't many other options; he was stuck and had no idea how things were supposed to go on in their life. Either he told his mother and risked having her hate him as much as Tom did, or he did nothing and stayed here for the rest of his life; lonely and miserable.

After a few seconds of inner debate, Bill decided to risk it; it's not like he could lose a lot more than he had already lost anyway, right?

"Um... I did something really bad..." he started hesitantly.

Simone's calm features didn't change in the slightest, and she just nodded encouragingly.

"I... fell in love with the wrong person," he finished lamely.

Simone waited a second, obviously expecting him to carry on, but Bill was too scared and just stared down at his hands in despair. "That's it...?" she finally asked.

"No! I mean yes... but no. I mean... it's a really really wrong person," he muttered, giving her a frightened look.

"There's no such thing, Bill," she said slowly, obviously not understanding his point at all.

"Yes there is because it's illegal, immoral, and wrong in every aspect," he said desperately, feeling like crying from frustration.

"Oh..." his mother said slowly, realization filling her eyes; "I'm so sorry Bill... But that really isn't your fault, and I'm certain Tom will understand in time that being a pedophile isn't your choice," she said softly, drawing him into a hug.

"No!" Bill pulled away from her frantically; "Mom! I'm not... No. That's not what I meant! I'm not in love with... a child. Ew... Um, no. No..." he babbled in confusion while his mother raised a confused eyebrow.

"Then who?" she asked slowly once Bill finished his confused rant.

"Tom," he finally whispered, giving her a horrified look; "I'm in love with Tom."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dun dun dunnn.... its about to get dramatic...


	17. Chapter 17

Simone stared at him for a few seconds before speaking; "Whaaaat?" she asked slowly; "That's it? For god's sakes Bill! You nearly gave me a heart attack!" she slapped his arm, rolling eyes.

"What...?" Bill mumbled confused; had she not understood what he just said? "No. Mom... I'm in love with Tom... like... I mean..." he tried to explain but didn't know what other words could be used.

"Yeah, I got it. That's what this is about? Are you guys kidding me?! Do you have any idea how worried we've all been?!" she asked loudly, getting up and gesticulating around; "We thought there was something seriously wrong with you! And all you guys are fussing over is a little lovers quarrel? Jesus guys... seriously," she shook her in disbelief. 

"...What? Mom... this is serious," Bill said in disbelief.

"What's serious is that you guys are ruining your career and life with this rubbish! Pull yourself together Bill!" she gestured around the apartment, obviously not agreeing with his current living situation. 

"You're not upset that I'm in love with Tom? You know... my twin brother and stuff?" Bill asked slowly, just to make sure they were on the same page.

"Don't get me wrong sweetheart, of course I'm not ecstatic about it, but it's better than all the other stuff I was thinking..." she shrugged, and Bill wondered what had been going through his mother's seriously weird head.

"It's funny though," she continued, "Tom seemed to be of the opinion that you don't like him at all. What the heck is going on between you guys?" she asked while she sat back down.

"Um... it's kind of a long story..." Bill muttered, not sure he wanted to tell his mother all this.

"I came all the way from Germany, I got time," Simone smiled encouragingly.

"Uh... ok... well... it all started about a year ago on the Maldives... Remember that we went on holiday there? Me and Tom?" he began hesitantly.

"Honey, you travel so much it's hard to keep up, but alright... Maldives, and then?" she chuckled with a dismissive hand movement.

"Umm.... there was this guy... and... um... well... he and Tom sort of ... you know..." Bill thought he was about to die; what had he been thinking by telling his own mother about all this?!

"Hooked up?" Simone asked amused.

"Yes that," he said quickly; "Or at least they were going to... but... I don't know, I spilled some Red Bull on my bed and... yeah... and then so no and yeah," Bill ranted stupidly, not really wanting to say what happened.

"What?" his mother asked in confusion.

"Th-the point is that we ended up... you know... and...yeah," he mumbled quietly, fidgeting around; why was he still talking about this? Had he lost his mind?!

"Wait, what? You lost me somewhere along the lines of Red Bull," she shook her head; "Start over.

"Nothing. Nevermind. We had sex..." he muttered feebly.

"Oh, alright. And then what?" Simone nodded, apparently not very disturbed with all this. What was wrong with that woman?

"Umm... I meant that me and Tom had sex?" he gave her a disturbed look; was she not getting what he was saying, or did she just not care?

"No, I got that. So then what happened?" she asked calmly.

"...Tom didn't know it was me. He thought it was that other guy that he wanted to hook up with... But I had been sleeping in his bed and... I don't know, he sort of confused me for him, I think," Bill muttered, hearing this story in words for the first time; it sounded insane.

"Oh great. Good to know Tom pays such close attention to whom he's screwing," Simone rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"...Yeah," Bill sighed miserably.

"And then?" his mother urged him on.

"And then I don't know... I sort of... developed some twisted crush on him and... pretended to be that guy..." Bill barely dared to say the horrible things he had done to his brother; his mother would kill him.

"You pretended to be some other guy? When you were with him, you mean?" she asked in disbelief.

"Yes. I pretended to be someone else, and Tom didn't know... he thought I was some guy named Warren," he admitted helplessly.

"...Are you serious? He didn't notice it was you? And you were actually together? Like, having sex and stuff, and he didn't recognize you?" she stared at him in utter disbelief.

"Yes, exactly," he nodded sadly, regretting everything he had done.

Simone burst out laughing; "For real? You guys were sleeping together and he didn't recognize you until the next morning?" she brought out between fits of laughter. 

"Mom! It's not funny! And it wasn't the next morning. It lasted for months... almost an entire year!" Bill exclaimed outraged; how could his mother be laughing about this?

"You guys spent an entire year together and he thought you were someone else?" now she was even more amused and disbelieving than before. Bill just nodded, not knowing what to say while his mother broke into another fit of laughter.

"This isn't funny, mom," he said quietly, getting really annoyed at the fact that she was laughing at his misery.

"It's hilarious! How can that even happen? Actually I don't want to know. Damn, Tom is such an idiot," she giggled for a while longer before speaking again; "So then he found out and got really mad at you or what?"

"Yes," Bill mumbled sadly.

"Oh boy... I'm sorry sweetie," by now she was over her laughing attack and patted his arm sympathetically; "You guys should really talk about this. Alright, so it's a bit of a twisted situation, but I'm sure that you can work it out."

"A bit of a twisted situation?! Mom! I pretended to be some guy that Tom fell in love with and then I broke his heart by letting him find out that it was me all along," he whined miserably, pulling the blanket over his head. 

"Ooooh, Tom fell in love with you without knowing that it was you?" she asked amazed; even she knew how rare the L word was for Tom.

He could hear his mother's grin in her words; she was so wrong in the head. "Yeah... and now he's super angry and hurt," Bill muffled under the blanket.

"Well he did look rather hurt, but I don't think he was all that angry... He seemed very sad that you guys were apart. Why don't you go talk to him?" she suggested gently, lifting the blanket off Bill's head.

"No. I already tried to apologize but he wouldn't even hear it..." he mumbled, stubbornly trying to pull the blanket back over his head.

"But now he had some time to cool off. Maybe you should try again. Of course you can't force your brother to feel this way about you too, but at least you guys can talk about it and try to get over it... You can't just leave it as it is and never speak to each other ever again," she reasoned.

"I don't want to talk to him... I don't know what to say to him..." Bill was angry and hurt at how Tom had reacted; of course his reaction was natural, but in Bill's silly fantasies Tom would accept him and want to be with him, not abandon and hate him.

"Well I didn't mean right, some time later. Why don't you take a shower and shave the poodle off your face, and then we go out for some ice cream or something, huh?" she suggested happily, getting up and pulling him along; "Be generous with the soap, dear."

Bill scoffed as he headed into the bathroom, still trying to wrap his mind around his weird mother. She didn't seem angry or disappointed, or anything else negative - was she alright with this? Well not alright, but... as alright as someone could be with something like this. When Bill had gotten his first tattoo, way back when, she had been so angry and grounded him for weeks, and now she was being all la-dee-da-dee about such a huge issue? Could it be that she was on drugs or something? Maybe she was pregnant... 

 

It took Bill well over an hour to finally look and smell presentable again and by the time he finally crawled out of the bathroom, it was nearly dinner time and his living room looked almost like a normal room again.

"I'm starving. How about some dinner before that ice cream?" his mother beamed up at him as they made their way down to the garage.

"Yeah, sounds good," Bill agreed, feeling sort of weird; it had been weeks since he had left his apartment.

"I know this really great place where we could go. Mind if I drive?" she said enthusiastically.

"Sounds good," Bill shrugged, really not caring where they went.

They slowly drove out of the city, mostly in silence, and Bill really began to wonder what this place was that his mother supposedly knew of.

"Gordon sends his greetings, by the way," Simone interrupted his thoughts; "He wanted to come but work got in the way. Plus we thought this was more of a 'mother task'," she added with a laugh.

"Oh, thanks... Yeah," Bill nodded faintly; "Are you... ok with this...? I mean... What should I do? See a shrink or something?" Bill mumbled stupidly, giving her a careful look.

"You can if you want, but I doubt it'll help... I think the only thing you can do is the same everyone does when they've been rejected; move on," she said softly, a lot more serious than back in the apartment.

"I don't think I can," Bill whispered.

"I know it may seem like that right now, sweetheart, but in time I'm sure it'll get easier," his mother reached over to him and caressed his hand encouragingly, but it wasn't helping him at all; Tom was everything he had ever wanted and there was no way he would just get over it.

"I'm so sorry, love," Simone said quietly, giving him a sad smile.

"You are?" Bill said drily; "Are you trying to say you'd rather have Tom feel the same way about me?" he questioned doubtfully.

"Of course I would," she said simply and without hesitation; "I want you boys to be happy. Where and with whom you find that happiness I don't care about, and it doesn't matter. What matters is being happy and honest with each other."

Bill laughed bitterly; "Yeah... happy and honest... that's what we are... And where the hell are we here?!" he finished, staring around the suburban area outside of the city. "I really don't think there's a restaurant here, mom. You took a wrong turn somewhere..."

"Oh, shoot. You're right," she mumbled, looking around in confusion; "These streets all look the same to me..."

"Ugh, great," Bill groaned, though his mother had a point; all houses and streets, even the bloody trees were identical in this place.

"We're lost," Simone concluded with a nod.

"Wonderful," he sighed tiredly, rubbing his face while his mother came to a halt.

"Why don't we ask someone?" she suggested.

"Like who? There's no one around," Bill gestured around the empty streets.

"Go up to that house and ask how we can get back to the city," his mother pointed to the house right in front of them.

"Are you crazy?! I'm not walking up to a random house to ask that!" Bill exclaimed outraged.

"Oh don't be such a wimp, Bill. Just go," she rolled her eyes, pointing at the house.

"But mooooom."

"Go!"

"Ugh... fine," Bill growled, moodily stalking out of the car and towards the house.

The moment he rang the doorbell, the car's engine suddenly roared up and his mother drove off.

"Mom! Wait! What the hell?!" Bill yelled after the car that turned around the corner, out of sight.

While Bill was still cursing angrily and looking after his mother's car, the door opened behind him and he spun around, coming face to face with his twin.

"Oh," Bill said stupidly; 'How did I not see that one coming...?'

"Bill," Tom said passively.

"Tom," Bill acknowledged, really not knowing what to say.


	18. Chapter 18

"What do you want?" Tom asked passively, and Bill tried to determine whether he was angry or not, but his face and voice revealed nothing of what his twin may be thinking or feeling at the moment.

Of course Bill had no idea what to answer because he didn't want anything at all; his mother had abandoned him here. "Can I come in?" he asked nonetheless.

Tom just nodded, retreating into the house and leaving the door open for Bill to follow.

Slowly Bill followed his twin into the small house that was filled with unpacked boxes; Tom had been living here for nearly a month and still hadn't unpacked anything at all?

They paused in the small living room/kitchen where Tom crossed his arms and gave him an expectant look.

"Mom came to visit me," Bill began awkwardly, not knowing what else to say.

"Yeah, she was here too," Tom nodded flatly.

"Yeah... she told me you guys had lunch or something," Bill remembered.

"Yeah..." Tom nodded again, obviously not feeling any more comfortable than Bill.

"Yeah," Bill nodded in the same fashion, feeling like a total idiot; what the hell was he even doing here?!

A few moments passed in awkward silence while they just stood there, Bill fidgeting around with a bracelet while Tom twirled one of his dreads in his fingers.

"It's a nice house," Bill finally said, looking around.

"Yeah," Tom said again, nodding just like before.

~*~

There had never been a more awkward conversation in all of Tom's life; he wanted to run away and hide, but instead he just remained standing there, staring at the guy he was madly in love with and yet hated so passionately. What the hell did he even want here? Probably nothing... it was probably their mother's idea; knowing her, she had probably driven him here under some false pretense and then abandoned him on Tom's doorstep... And gullible as Bill was, probably hadn't noticed a thing. Well who was he to comment - he hadn't recognized his own brother for an entire year.

"Need help unpacking?" Bill asked with a feeble smile that made Tom want to punch him in the gut.

How dare Bill just show up here and pretend everything between them was fine; "Not from you," he said coldly.

It didn't take two seconds for him to regret his words; Bill looked as if he had slapped him across the face, and then hung his head so all his bangs fell in his face, cutting Tom's view. Why was he feeling bad about this?! Bill was the bad guy - not him; he shouldn't be feeling guilty - Bill should! Sometimes his brother was so infuriating.

Bill turned to leave with a soft nod, his head still hanging low; Tom knew that Bill only held his head so low for one reason: to cover up that he was crying. Why was he upset about this? What the hell had been expecting by doing this, if not to destroy the relationship they had had?

Angry and miserable, he followed Bill who had already opened the door to leave, but hesitated, still clutching the door handle so hard that his knuckles were turning white.

"I'm so sorry, Tom," he mumbled in that heartbreaking voice Bill had whenever he was crying, or close to it. "I know you hate me, and I totally understand, but... if you ever change your mind and want to come back... I really really miss you," the sentence ended so quietly that Tom barely heard him even though he was standing right behind him.

Every ounce of his mind wanted to cradle his baby brother in his arms and tell him that everything would be alright, but his aching heart refused to let him, unwilling to do that to himself; he didn't want to be close to Bill - he wanted to hate him. If he didn't hate him he would return to loving him beyond reason and that hurt even more.

In total silence he watched as Bill walked down to the street where their mother's car was parked, got in and drove away with her. Why hadn't he stopped him? He missed him so much and wanted to go home more than anything... But if he did, what would become of them? It was better for them to be separated, wasn't it?

Of course it wasn't - what the hell was he thinking?! They were twins! They were meant to be together. If not as lovers then at least as brothers.

Determined, he closed the door and searched for his cellphone.

~*~

"I'm very sorry sweetheart," Simone said quietly while they drove back to Bill's apartment; Bill just shrugged, not wanting his mother to know how devastated he truly was.

"I'm sure he'll come around eventually," she tried to encourage, and even though Bill nodded, he didn't believe it. If Tom hadn't accepted his apology by now, he probably never would.

Simone dropped him off at home and then went back to the hotel she was living; she didn't want to burden Bill by staying there even though he had offered; in truth he was quite glad that she left because he really wanted to be alone. He wanted to sit on the couch again for the next eternity and dwell in misery and self-pity.

This time, however, Bill's dwelling didn't last too long because the next evening he was pulled out of his misery by someone noisily unlocking the door and wadding into their apartment. Bill stumbled up from the couch, spilling gummi bears, potato chips and soda all over the floor but not caring as he dashed out into the hall.

Sure enough, there was Tom. Looking annoyed and gloomy, and immediately squishing the little happiness that Bill had gathered on his way to the door.

"I don't ever want to talk about this. Ever at all. Let's just call it even, ok?" Tom said harshly after closing the door.

Even though Bill really wanted to talk about it, he nodded immediately; if Tom didn't want to talk about it they wouldn't - the important thing was that Tom was here again. "Ok," he agreed.

"Good," Tom nodded, hauling his bag towards his old room without as much as another glance at Bill. 

As soon as his twin had closed the door to his room, Bill dashed into the living room to clean up the horrible mess he had made earlier before his brother saw it.

It turned out there had been no need to hurry because Tom remained in his room until the next morning when Bill was eating cereals; today he had actually found the strength to get up before lunch, for the first time in several weeks.

Even though the thing with Tom was far from solved, at least he was here and that was a start.

"Good morning," Bill said carefully, checking his brother's mood.

"Good morning," Tom replied quietly, pouring himself a cup of coffee and grabbing a bowl before joining Bill at the table.

Cautiously, Bill handed him the milk, making extra sure not to touch him in the process.

"Thank you," he said politely, adding it to his cereals.

 

Over the following week their relationship didn't improve; they never spoke of what happened and treated each other as strangers. Tom remained locked away in his room whenever they were at home alone, refusing any sort of conversation that ran deeper than the weather.

Bill had tried a few times to start a conversation with him, but his brother immediately had something very important to do and walked away.

At least things with Tokio Hotel were looking up again; the rumors about a break-up were gone, and the world believed things to be perfect again, mostly thanks to Tom's wonderful acting skills. Sometimes he was so good that even Bill believed his cheerful, careless attitude – at least until they got back home where Tom retreated into his room without another word.

Bill began to get the feeling the only reason Tom was back was because of Tokio Hotel, but he didn't actually want to have anything to do with Bill himself.

Their mother had long returned to Germany again, believing that Bill was getting over Tom and that their life would soon return to normal, but nothing could be farther from the truth.

~*~

Tiredly, Tom locked the door to his room before falling limply on the bed with a quiet moan. 'I hate my life.'

Already on his second day here, he had regretted coming back; living with Bill was impossible. The brotherly relationship they had once had was gone forever because Tom was incapable of viewing him as a brother; suddenly he had to overthink everything his twin did – every word, gesture and movement – everything was suddenly so very present to him. All those many things he had never noticed before that made his brother the amazing person he had never paid attention to earlier. The longer the stayed with him the worse it got and it began driving him mad.

The worst parts were when Bill tried to talk to him, with that stupid, adorable and perfect smile he had that made Tom want to throw him over the kitchen table and have his wicked way with him. Alright, so he would totally settle for a kiss as well, but of course that was out of the question.

Bill's careful approaches were heartbreaking because he wanted to talk to him so badly, especially about what had happened, but knew if he got into that he would only end up telling Bill how much he loved him and then... Well then something bad would happen for sure.

In the past few weeks he had even considered it quite a few days – just to tell him how he felt, to at least let him know just how much he had hurt him, but his damned pride always got in the way; deep down he still feared that Bill would just laugh and say he finally got what he deserved for having been such a whore all those years.

If he hadn't been such a careless player, he would have never accidentally had sex with Bill and none of this would have ever happened – and he was quite certain if he tried to tell his brother how he truly felt, Bill would rub that in his face and make fun of him. 

And so Tom was dreading tomorrow. It was their birthday, and he had to spend the entire evening at some huge party that someone was throwing for them. With Bill, of course.

He had half a mind of pretending to be sick and just spend the entire day in bed, but feared it might rouse suspicion about his relationship with Bill, and he was desperate to let everyone know that they were working like normal. Even if it was far from the truth. The truth was that they weren't making even the slightest progress with new songs because both he and Bill were incapable of creating a single decent sound.

~*~

Trying to laugh and act normal, Bill listened to their birthday song, his mind lost on the day exactly one year ago; back then he still hadn't committed the worst mistake of his life, and Tom had still been his brother.

As the night played out, Bill became more and more desperate for an excuse to go home; he was miserable and slightly drunk, making it hard for him to concentrate on pretending to be happy. That, and Tom was kissing some random chick in the middle of the dancefloor for the entire world to see; Bill wanted to die.

Watching his brother with that girl made him want to break down crying; it was the first time since... since their last birthday, that he had seen his brother with someone else; ok, so there had been Warren of whom he was insanely jealous for a while, though that was kinda different because Tom didn't know, but this was unbearable for him.

"Are you alright Bill?" Gustav suddenly asked him, and he tore his eyes away from his brother and the girl.

"Huh? Oh, yeah... fine. I'm just really tired," he muttered, trying to keep his voice levelled.

"Are you sure that's all?" Gustav asked quietly, giving him an odd look; did Gustav know something that Bill didn't?

"Yeah. I just really want to go home," his voice sounded pathetic and desperate even to himself and he nearly winced.

Gustav seemed to understand and slowly began guiding him away from the crowd; "I'll get you a cab and let everyone know you went home, ok?" he offered gently and Bill wanted to hug him but thought it would be weird, so he let Gustav call him a cab that finally took him home where he could cry himself to sleep in peace while his brother screwed some cheap bimbo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're slowing approaching the end, guys... only two more chapters to go O-O


	19. Chapter 19

The next time Tom looked over to where his brother had been standing he found the space empty, and soon after heard from random people that Bill had gone home because he was drunk and tired. Now there was no more reason for Tom to stay here either.

"Where do you live?" he asked the girl a bit harsher than intended but she didn't seem to care because she smiled excitedly at him.

"Not far, just a few blocks," she pointed in a random direction and Tom nodded, following her through a crowd of people that all said something to him but he wasn't listening at all. He was drunk and frustrated, and really didn't want to be here anymore.

 

 

It took nearly half an hour until they were finally lying half-naked in the girl's bed, kissing frantically. It had been months since the last time he had had sex, but oddly enough he had missed it less than he thought he would; he had always believed he could never go a week without getting laid, but as it turned out it wasn't so difficult. Especially because the person he wanted to be with was a cold-blooded bastard who had deliberately ripped his heart out.

But none of that mattered right now because someone was kissing the air from his lungs and writhing underneath him. He didn't even know who it was, what she looked like or what her name was; none of it mattered – the only thing that mattered was the body he wanted to release his frustration, pain and anger into.

Eagerly he ran his hands down soft shoulders to- ...her breasts. Tom hesitated for a second, shutting his eyes tightly and quickly moving lower to her stomach; breasts wasn't something he wanted to feel right now; it didn't go with his mental image at all. Instead he focused on the kissing and the heat that began to pool in his lower stomach at the memories of his brother's perfect body, and the delicious sounds he made when Tom buried himself in it.

The girl underneath him was making random moaning sounds while Tom absently licked and nibbled on her neck, trying to find the familiar taste that was Bill but not managing it; she tasted bitter from some perfume or other that she was wearing.

Tom groaned in frustration, grinding against her; "Bill," he mumbled deliriously, wanting to find his brother in the body that was so unfamiliar to him.

"What?" a shrill voice cut through his drunken mind, ripping him from his fantasies.

"What?" he asked hoarsely.

"Is something up with your brother? You just said 'Bill'," she asked curiously, pushing him a bit off her. 

"What?" Tom rasped again, completely confused.

The girl gave him a weird look but then she smiled again; "Never mind," she shrugged and pulled him close again for another kiss, but this time Tom pulled away, staring down at her.

She had blue eyes and shiny brown hair, and overall looked very beautiful. To him she was absolutely nothing. Her beauty paled in comparison to his brother's, and suddenly Tom felt himself sobering up at an alarming rate; this was not what he wanted. Not the most beautiful, sensual girl, or even boy, could replace what the truly wanted.

"I have to go," he said firmly, stumbling up from her bed and searching for his clothes.

"What?!" she asked in disbelief; "Why? Was it something I did?" she asked in panic.

"No," Tom said shortly, pulling his shirt back on; "I'm sorry. Bye," he mumbled, heading out of her room while pulling his shoes on. The girl followed him to the door and gave him her number, asking him to call her at some point but Tom was already elsewhere with his thoughts.

Still half-drunk, he called for a cab that took him back home where he stumbled into the dark apartment, wanting nothing more than to cry himself to sleep.

However before he managed to lock himself in again, Bill suddenly stormed out of his room, slamming the door open and nearly giving Tom a heart attack.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Bill demanded angrily; his eyes were slightly red and cleared from the make-up he'd been wearing earlier.

"I live here?" Tom muttered stupidly, not really knowing what his brother was referring to.

"Why aren't you out screwing that stupid girl of yours?" Bill's voice nearly broke into a sob while Tom got more confused with each word.

"The hell do you care?" he asked angrily, though his anger soon dissipated as he looked into his brother's tear-filled eyes; what was he so upset about all of a sudden...?

"I don't," Bill mumbled quietly, wiping at his eyes with his long sleeves.

To hell with the whole staying away from his twin for his own self-preservation – that didn't count in a moment like this when Bill needed a brother to rely on. Without any further hesitation, Tom walked over to his devastated brother and pulled him into a tight hug, nearly breaking down himself from the contact he had been yearning for since the last time they had been together.

"What happened, Bill?" he whispered softly while Bill sobbed into his neck; all the anger and hatred he usually had towards his brother was forgotten, and he gently caressed his twin's shaking shoulders and back, burring his face in his hair just the way he had dreamed of doing so often; as much as he hated seeing Bill like this, it gave him the perfect excuse to hug him just one last time.

"I'm so sorry," Bill whimpered over and over, shaking his head against Tom's neck. Tom was a little confused; he had thought Bill was upset about something that had happened at the party, but what was he apologizing for then...?

~*~

Bill didn't know what to do or say anymore; he was still slightly drunk and completely irrational. This evening had not meant to go like this, but having seen Tom with that girl had finished him off and he couldn't help himself anymore. He knew that no matter how often he apologized for what he had done, it would never make it up to his brother; he could never undo the hurt he had caused him.

Nevertheless he couldn't keep himself from apologizing, since it was the only thing he could really do. 

~*~

"I'm so sorry about what I did. I know how stupid that was of me... Can't you just please forgive me?" Bill choked somewhere into Tom's shoulder, hugging him so tightly it nearly hurt.

Now Tom understood what his brother was babbling about, and this time the apology wasn't fake; Bill was just as torn up about this as he was, Tom realized with an unusual sense of relief. He wasn't the only one hurt by this.

"It's alright," he said quietly, finally managing to let go of the resentment he had felt towards his brother for so long.

"I really just want us to be brothers again," Bill whispered.

Now it was Tom's turn to nearly cry; brothers was the last thing he wanted to be with his brother, but if that's all Bill was able to give him, it was probably better than the horrible relation they had had in the past few weeks. Hopefully.

~*~

Bill wanted to cut his tongue out for the awful lie he had just told; he didn't want to be Tom's brother. Well, yes he did, but also a lot more than just that. But of course that was something Tom would never accept, so being brothers was as good as it would ever get.

"I want that, too," Tom whispered softly, causing another wave of sobs to roll over Bill uncontrollably. Of course he knew that that was technically seen a good thing – far better than if Tom hated him – but the last tiny flame of hope he had had that Tom might feel just a little bit the same towards him was officially extinguished, leaving him with nothing more to cling to.

Up until that moment, a tiny part of him had hoped that the reason Tom was so upset was because he was still in love with him but had trouble dealing with it, but obviously that wasn't the case; for Tom, Bill and fake-Warren were a separate person that he couldn't view as one at all.

~*~

Absently, Tom brushed away the stray tear that had found its way out, knowing that it was finally over. Even though he was heartbroken, he was also relieved to finally know the truth because some stupid part of him had actually believed that maybe Bill had fallen in love with him during that crazy revenge and had some weird feelings for him – which would have explained that little outburst about the 'stupid girl', but obviously that was just Bill ranting in frustration because of how bad their relationship had been lately.

 

 

Perhaps now things would finally become normal again.

 

And very slowly they actually did. At least almost.

They could work comfortably together again and could actually relax a bit, though something was different. Not in a bad way, according to Tom, but still different. It was as if they were suddenly more... gentle to each other?

The rough, playful brotherly relationship was gone, replaced by an unusually delicate, considerate one instead. All those stupid little fights over nothing that they had always had were gone because each seemed to want to take the other's feelings into consideration, suddenly trying to see the other's point of view. Tom did it because he was still madly in love with Bill and would do anything to see his brother happy, and Bill... Well Tom really had no explanation as to why Bill was suddenly to different towards him.

It wasn't really like Bill to be patient and understanding because he was usually the impatient, slightly selfish type who always wanted things done his way, but lately he'd actually been asking about Tom's opinion rather than making Tom fight for it if he wanted to say something; Tom found that he liked it a lot.

Unfortunately however, it only made his state worse and caused him to fall even harder for his brother, if that was even possible; sometimes he wished Bill would just be a jerk so he wouldn't find it so hard to stay away from him, but no – Bill had to be cuter and more adorable than ever.

~*~

As odd as this new relationship with his twin was, Bill found that he loved it; at least most of it. Tom had suddenly turned so thoughtful and caring – almost like a lover should be. This was a side of Tom that up until now Bill had only known in those few nights that they had spent together so long ago, where Tom had also been like that with 'Warren'; tender, loving and warm – it caused Bill to die a little bit every time his brother smiled at him, fully knowing that he could never be with him again. It was pure torture.

Nevertheless, Bill did his best to be comfortable around his brother, pretending everything was perfectly alright even though he was dying inside; it actually worked pretty well.

The only times it sometimes got a bit awkward was when they were alone, and they both avoided those moments. It was much easier with everyone else around because then they were busy with other things, but once they got home in the evening they usually went their separate ways rather quickly, maybe just catching a quick snack before bed; all those times they used to spend out on the balcony or on the couch, smoking or chatting about nothing, were all gone.

There were no more long, meaningful conversations or comfortable silences, no more random hugs whenever Bill felt clingy, and no more special twin bond.

They had become caring, somewhat distant brothers that shared very little outside of work, and avoided each other with a polite smile when they were alone.


	20. Chapter 20

The months rolled by, and soon they were approaching Christmas, with nothing in their relationship changing. Snow had already began to fall, covering Berlin in a sparkling white blanket that was more lonely than cold for Tom. He wasn't very fond of winter, and really just wanted to stay at home with Bill who was all Christmassy already.

Bill had put up all sorts of silly decorations in their apartment even though it was still too early and they would be spending Christmas at home with their parents anyway. But somehow Bill had gotten it into his head that their apartment needed to be in Christmas spirit; supposedly it inspired him or something weird like that.

Tom didn't really care that Bill wanted to decorate everything, and even helped him a bit. Today Bill had decided that they would make early Christmas cookies together with Georg and Gustav, and so they sat in the kitchen searching through recipes while they waited for the G's to arrive.

"What about this one?" Bill asked for the tenths time, pointing at something in the cookbook.

Tom nodded; "Looks good."

"You've said that to the past ten recipes I showed you!" Bill complained with a pout.

"That's because they all look good," Tom rolled his eyes with a chuckle.

"You're not very cooperative, Tom," he huffed, returning to the cookbook.

"What do you want me to tell you? I don't know how to make cookies or which recipes are good... Can't we just buy some?" Tom sighed dully; he could really think of better things to do on such a horrible afternoon. There was a snowstorm raging outside so they had decided to stay in, but since they didn't want to be locked in their apartment alone, they had called the G's over; they were still totally awkward while alone.

"We're not buying them – we're making them," Bill insisted, flipping through the pages.

Tom sighed in defeat, staring at the kitchen clock that told him it was already 3 o'clock; where were those damned G's? They were supposed to have been here over an hour ago.

Just in that moment, Bill's phone rang.

"Hey Geo, where are you guys?" Bill answered, obviously having been thinking the same as Tom.

"Whaaat?" Bill whined noisily; that couldn't be gone...

"Alright, fine. I'll see you guys around," Bill sighed, hanging up and putting his phone on the table with a disgruntled face; "They got stuck in the storm and went back home," he sighed.

"Oh," Tom answered shortly, having feared something like that. So now what? He was stuck in here with Bill for the rest of the day. Alone. Only the two of them. With no one else. And nothing to do but bake cookies. This was bound to end badly.

"Oh well, shall we start then? I want to make this one," Bill pointed to another recipe in the book; "And maybe this one and this one here," he pointed to the mentioned recipes while he flipped through the book.

Tom really didn't want to make any cookies - he wanted to hide in his room and avoid his brother, but didn't know how to voice that so he just nodded numbly.

"Great!" Bill said cheerfully, hopping up from his chair to begin with... whatever it is that needed to be done for cookies.

~*~

Bill didn't miss the awkward look in his twin's eyes and did his best job at pretending everything was normal. In truth he felt just as awkward as Tom probably did but didn't know what else to do, so he just pretended it was fine and hoped Tom would go along.

"Right, so how do we start?" Tom asked with an enthusiastic smile that Bill knew was fake; well at least he was trying.

"It says we have to whisk the melted butter with the sugar first," Bill said slowly, reading in the book. "Where's our kitchen scale?" he questioned, looking around.

~*~

Tom also looked around; did they even have something like that...? He thought he remembered something like it...

After Bill rummaged through a few cupboards, he finally found it and weighed the butter that Tom set on the stove to heat while he tried not to pay attention to Bill's silly tongue that he always stuck out a bit whenever he was focused on something; weighing the sugar in this case.

"And don't eat it too much or it will start to smell like cheese," Bill pointed out without looking over at him.

Tom sniffed at the pot suspiciously but it still smelled like butter; would that really happen if he heated it too much...?

He decided not to try, and followed Bill's orders about mixing the butter with the sugar while Bill began weighing the flour and whatever other things he needed.

"Ok, so it says we should add lemon flavor – do we have that?" Bill questioned from his position over the book.

"Probably not," Tom shook his head, not even knowing what that was supposed to look like.

"Tom! How are we supposed to make lemon cookies without lemon flavor?" Bill crossed his arms in disapproval.

"I don't know... Why are we making lemon cookies? That's not even Christmas stuff," he replied dully.

"I know but lemon cookies are so good," Bill gave him a childish smile and Tom had the urge to laugh but ended up rolling his eyes instead.

"Let's just make something else then. What about chocolate? Can't we just add some chocolate powder and turn into chocolate cookies or something?" he asked while viciously tearing his eyes away from his brother's cute smile.

~*~

Bill was a bit disappointed that Tom was in a rather lousy mood; he was actually having a lot of fun and hoped his brother would enjoy himself a bit too, but Tom just looked annoyed.

"I guess we could try adding chocolate powder... Though I'm not sure what kind of chocolate powder we'd need for that. I think we only have cocoa powder for hot chocolate..." he said slowly, flipping through the pages to see if the found a clue about chocolate powder, but there was none.

"What's the difference between that and any other kind of powder?" Tom asked in defeat, obviously not wanting to do this anymore.

"I don't know," Bill mumbled a bit crestfallen; "I think one has more sugar or something...?"

"Whatever. Let's just use that," Tom sighed, searching the drawer for their chocolate powder.

Bill watched his brother chewing around on his lip ring while he opened the can of powder before looking back at him, making him look away immediately - hopefully Tom hadn't noticed.

"So how much do we need of this?" he questioned dubiously, eyeing the can.

"I don't know, just put in a spoon or two... Let's mix it and see how it tastes?" whenever Bill didn't know something he just experimented until something good came out – or something so gross that he ended up throwing it away.

Tom shrugged and put in a spoon and a half into the mixing machine before turning it back on. Bill carefully approached, standing casually next to his brother while they both looked into the mixer that began turning the earlier white dough into a nice chocolate color.

"We have to mix it for 4 minutes," Bill recited the book; Tom just nodded, not taking his eyes away from the mixer.

Bill could nearly hear the seconds ticking on the clock while they both stared in awkward silence waiting for those endless 4 minutes to go by. How had his twin's company become so uncomfortable? Why wasn't he able to relax around him?

Every time Tom spoke a word, Bill thought it would be related to his lies and began to panic; he'd become completely paranoid ever since his brother had found out that it had never been Warren in his bed.

"Why don't we turn on some music?" Tom suddenly said and Bill nearly yelled a 'yes' as he rushed into the living room to get his laptop with music, grateful to be doing something other than standing around like an idiot.

Another few minutes filled with cheerful music later, the cookie dough was finally done and Bill placed it on the counter where he had already prepared all the molds he wanted to use; when they'd been kids they had often done this sort of thing with their mother and he had always really enjoyed it, so hopefully it would take his mind off this whole mess.

"Here, you do this half and I'll do the other," Bill said happily, handing Tom half of the dough; Tom just nodded.

~*~

With a mental groan, Tom began to flatten the dough while Bill had already began cutting out his cookies, having used the rolling pin first.

"Aw, look at this one," Bill said, holding up an oddly shaped cookie; "It was supposed to be a dog but I accidentally pulled the head too much, now it looks like a giraffe," he mused slowly.

Tom couldn't help but laugh at the deformed cookie; Bill looked a bit surprised but then he laughed as well, immediately easing the tension between them. As ridiculous as the reason may have been, it seemed to do wonders to their current situation.

They carried on like that for a few minutes, Tom lazily cutting out cookies and Bill decorating them instead of making his own; "All those decorations are a total waste of time," Tom pointed out as lightly as possible; somehow he had the horrible need to be grumpy even though there was no reason for it.

"You can't not decorate Christmas cookies – it's unethical," Bill shook his head persistently while he decorated every single cookie with random things such as chocolate flakes, coffee beans, colorful sprinkles, and whatever other weird things he found around their kitchen.

"Right... did you preheat the oven?" Tom remembered having read that in almost every recipe.

"Oh crap, no, I forgot," Bill sighed dramatically, turning the oven on before returning to the decorating.

 

 

It took nearly an hour until Tom was finally done cutting out all the cookies, and by now the entire kitchen already smelled like cookies because the first batch was about to be done. Of course Bill still wasn't finished with them all, and was still very busy eating and decorating raw cookies.

The oven alarm indicated that the 20 minute baking time was up, and Tom used the oven gloves to remove the hot tray.

"Oooh, they look so good," Bill said happily, suddenly standing right behind him and breathing down his neck, causing the hairs there to stand up.

"Yeah," Tom quickly moved away a bit, nearly knocking the tray over that he had set on the stove; "Try one," he said, not knowing what else to say or do to avoid things getting awkward again.

"Nah, I prefer raw ones," Bill shrugged with a grin, returning to his decorating.

"What?!" Tom asked in disbelief even though he already knew that Bill really liked raw cookies, but still; "Why did we even make all these then?" he groaned loudly.

"Because it's fun," Bill grinned, eating some more raw dough; "Try this, it's way better," he held the raw cookie out for Tom who just rolled his eyes.

"This is such a waste of time," he growled moodily; he was annoyed at the fact that Bill was so happy and comfortable while he felt like he was walking on needles. When there were other people around it was different; he didn't care when Bill was all happy and cute because he knew he couldn't do anything anyway, but being alone with him was just driving him crazy and he was losing the little bit of self-restraint he had.

"Aw come on, don't be such a grumpy cat," Bill laughed, shoving a piece of dough in his mouth.

"Ngh," Tom growled moodily, pulling away, but Bill just kept on laughing. Alright, so the raw cookie dough was actually really good, he admitted to himself while he wiped his face from the stickiness.

"There's nothing better than raw cookie dough, admit it," Bill grinned eating another piece of raw cookie.

"Why did I even bother to cut all those out if you're just going to eat them all raw?" Tom complained drily.

"...What difference does it make whether I eat them raw or baked...? The job is the same," Bill reasoned with a raised eyebrow. "Come on, eat one," he encouraged him again.

"I already did," Tom growled, turning his head away from the offered cookie and busied himself with putting another tray into the oven and setting the alarm to 20 minutes.

Bill just laughed, dangling a string of dough in his face; "Come on Tom, I know you want it."

Tom wanted to slap him; he sure as hell wanted it, but not the cookie that Bill was talking about.

"Screw this," he sighed in defeat, pushing Bill's hand out of his face and reaching behind his neck to draw him into a bruising kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dun dun duuunnn..... i just wanted to let you know that this is the penultimate chapter.... omg, we're almost done o.o yay. first story to be almost finished 8DDDD I hope you enjoyed ^^


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, welcome to the last chapter! Please enjoy ^^

Bill gasped in shock but the sound was muffled by his brother's mouth that pressed against his, his tongue forcing itself past Bill's stunned lips.

In complete confusion, Bill instinctively kissed back, not being able to stop himself from whimpering as their tongues touched, having missed the feeling for so long – his knees threating to give out under him.

Of course that moment only lasted a second until Bill managed to realize what was truly happening and pushed Tom away in shock; what the hell was he doing? It's not like it wasn't exactly what Bill wanted, but why was he doing it?!

"What are you doing?" Bill squeaked meekly, immediately clearing his throat to try and regain control over his voice.

Contrary to Bill's expectations, Tom didn't apologize or back down, but slammed him against the refrigerator instead, glaring daggers at him. Bill had a flashback about that horrible second night on the Maldives where he'd been so scared of his brother, except now it was different; now he wanted Tom to... do whatever the hell he wanted to do with him.

"How could you do this to me?" Tom whispered hoarsely; obviously he hadn't gotten over it as well as Bill had hoped.

  
  


"I-I'm sorry," Bill mumbled dizzily, unsure what his brother was actually feeling about all this; he looked so angry and hurt, but he had still kissed him a second ago – what the hell was that about?!

"I already know that!" he snapped impatiently, tightening his grip around Bill's wrists that were still pressed against the refrigerator even though he wasn't even trying to free himself. "I know you're sorry, Bill. I just want to know why the hell you would do something like that to me. You fucked up my entire life!" he accused angrily, pushing his body against Bill's so hard it was almost painful.

"I'm sorry," Bill mumbled again, not knowing what else he could possibly say; what did Tom want?

"Stop saying that and just tell me why," Tom said lowly, staring at him with dark eyes.

Bill was silent for a moment, trying to think of what to say; he hadn't wanted to hurt Tom – of course not, he loved him. That's why he had done that. But how could he possibly explain it? It was crazy... They were twins...

"...I... I guess I'm just sick like that," he muttered miserable; "After you... I mean after... that night that... you know," he began breathlessly, hoping it didn't sound as if he was trying to blame Tom because he really wasn't; "I guess I just lost it... I don't know what happened to me, Tom," he tried to explain desperately, hating how his voice began to break; "I never wanted to hurt you, I swear... I don't know what happened. It all started that night when you brought Warren to our suite... I saw him and I got so jealous that..." Bill paused, searching his brother's dark eyes but they revealed nothing.

"That what?" he asked quietly.

"That you were with him instead of me," he whispered pathetically, barely daring to look at his brother's cold eyes; "And then I went to your room to tell you that he had left but you asked me... to stay with you," he felt the tears leaking from his eyes, wishing his brother would stop glaring at him so angrily; "Oh god, Tom, I'm so sorry," he sobbed pathetically, dropping his head in defeat; "I know how sick I am. I promise I'll get better... I'll see a doctor or take some pills or something," he ranted stupidly; "I will never do something like that ever again, I promise..." he finished with a pitiful whimper.

Slowly Tom released him, taking a few steps back while Bill sagged down to the floor, unable to stand on his own anymore; he just wanted to die.

"So you didn't do it because you wanted to get even for what I had done to you?" Tom asked, his voice so empty it barely sounded like his.

Bill blinked up at him in bewilderment and rubbed the tears from his eyes; "What?" Was Tom seriously asking what he thought he was asking?

"Did you do that to teach me a lesson? Because if I weren't the way I am- was then I would have never mistaken you for Warren and you would have never gotten hurt?" Tom demanded, a bit harsher this time.

"Is that what you think?" Bill whispered in total disbelief; "Is that what you think of me?" now he felt tears in his eyes for a whole new reason. Did Tom truly believe him capable of something so awful?

"I don't know, Bill! What the hell was I supposed to think when I found out it was you?!" Tom yelled in frustration.

It took Bill a moment to regain his composure before he could answer; "...That I'm sick and stupid, and had fallen in love with you," he finally muttered, wiping at his eyes again that still refused to stop leaking.

With a shaky sigh, Tom sank down to the floor on the other side of the kitchen, staring at his feet; "I guess the other just seemed like a much more plausible option," he said quietly.

"Me wanting to deliberately hurt you is a more plausible option than me loving you?" Bill whispered in painful disbelief; how could his beloved twin think that way?

Heavily, Tom lifted his head to give him an agonized look; "I don't know, Bill... I felt so terrible for what I had done to you - revenge was the only thing I thought I deserved from you... No matter how much I hated you for it, I still understood why you would do that," he admitted quietly, his voice and eyes full of bitter regret.

"Even if I had been really mad at you for it, I would have never done something like that," Bill said softly, actually understanding his brother for once.

"I guess I should have known that, I just... didn't know it," Tom muttered, rubbing his face with his hands.

Bill just nodded, not knowing what else to say even though he had so many questions, especially about that kiss a minute ago, but he didn't dare ask in fear he would upset Tom again.

"How long have you known it was me?" he finally asked as carefully as possible.

"I've had my suspicions for a while but I got my confirmation when I spilled coffee on you that day," Tom said thickly, staring at his shoes; "Do you still feel that way about me?" he asked so silently Bill barely heard him over the quiet music still playing in the kitchen.

If he said yes, there was a high chance that the semi normal relationship they had managed to get would be ruined again, but if he said no... What had that kiss been earlier? Did Tom have feelings for him? If he lied and said no, but Tom did have feelings for him, he might ruin the last chance of ever being with his brother... But what if he was wrong and Tom actually wanted him to say no?

"I don't want our relationship to be more ruined than it already is," Bill finally chose a truth that he dared to say.

"I don't either. I want you to love me the way that I love you," Tom said bluntly, but that just left Bill with the dilemma of 'how did Tom love him'?

"I don't know in what way you love me, Tom, but whatever way it is, I will learn to live with it," he hoped his brother could understand what he meant.

Tom stood up and walked over to him while Bill crawled up as well, nervously waiting for the words that would determine the rest of his life.

"I love you in that sick, twisted way that caused you to come into my bed all those nights, lie to me and break my heart," Tom said hoarsely, staring at him with one of the most intense looks Bill had ever seen in his twin before.

"O-oh," Bill stuttered; "Good," he breathed out nervously, taking a small step closer to his brother with an apprehensive look.

Tom nodded, obviously having understood what Bill wasn't capable of saying; "Good," he whispered, pulling him into the softest kiss they had ever shared.

~*~

Part of Tom was still sure that none of this was real and he was about to wake up to the horrible reality that his brother had just wanted to get even with him.

It was impossible for him to comprehend that the hesitant arms that slowly wrapped around his neck were his Bill's; over the past few weeks he had thought about it so often, about the fact that all those intimate hours had been with his own brother, and even such a long time later it still freaked him out a bit.

It was hard to accept that the one person who managed to rouse such feelings in him was his own twin. He had so often noticed the similarities between 'Warren' and Bill, but never dared to think closer of it because it was beyond reason. If he had once been honest with himself he would have probably noticed that it had been his twin in his bed all those nights – perhaps it was because of this that he had agreed to not speaking or seeing 'Warren' for so long; perhaps he had known all along but had been unable to admit it to himself because the truth was just too wrong.

And yet Bill's mouth felt so right against his - his taste was so familiar and reminded him of the long weeks he had been deprived of it. Hungrily, he intensified the kiss that his brother eagerly returned, lapping at his mouth with that studded tongue that Tom had wanted to kiss so often lately. Of course he'd kissed plenty of people with tongue studs before, but none of them were as familiar as Bill's, for he had seen it millions of times and been fascinated with it ever since they were kids.

Lately, he had often wondered what it might be like to kiss the person who had been nothing more than his twin for so many years; so often had he thought that perhaps, once it came down to it, it would freak him out, or disgust him – however he found himself deliriously lost in his own world of whirling emotions that left no room whatsoever for any immoral or wrong thought on the matter.

It was almost incomprehensible to him how his brotherly feelings for Bill had changed so radically due to the mere knowledge of what his twin had done. He knew there were a lot of ridiculous jokes coursing the internet about a supposed incestuous relationship between them, but up until recently he had viewed it as nothing but silly, tasteless jokes because the thought of something between him and his brother had always been twisted and sick until he found out that he had unknowingly fallen in love with him, and discovered how perfect they were for each other. Up until this kiss, there had always been a miniscule doubt in his mind, that perhaps he just loved the person in his fantasy but not the one in reality.

Of course he'd been wrong – he loved it even more then when he had believed to be with Warren, because this time it wasn't just someone he was in love with, but the person he loved above all others – the one who meant more than the world to him. The one he was born with. And the one he wanted to die with.

~*~

It took all of Bill's determination not to moan loudly when his brother began shoving his hands under his clothes to aimlessly grope his skin; this was so much better than all of his silly fantasies.

As much as Bill had enjoyed all those mysterious nights in the dark, filled with blindfolds and whatnot, nothing beat having his brother know the whole truth and still be so eager for him.

After an entire year of lying and pretending, finally he didn't have to be afraid to be discovered anymore; finally he could be himself without having to fear dire consequences.

"Tom," he breathed out quietly in between kisses.

"What?" his brother mumbled breathlessly, loosening the tight grip his hands had on Bill's skin.

"Nothing, I just wanted to say your name," Bill muttered stupidly.

Tom raised an eyebrow and then began to laugh; "It's nice to hear it. After all those nights of eternal silence," he finished in a hoarse whisper against Bill's neck. "I didn't even know you had it in you to be so quiet," he added teasingly, nipping on Bill's earlobe.

"Ah! Hey! I can be quiet if I want to," Bill pouted sheepishly, pulling his brother's head back by a few of his dreads.

Tom just chuckled; "Don't be."

Bill didn't have a chance to reply because his twin's tongue had found its way back into his mouth while his grip tightened around him again, drawing him back into a tight embrace.

This time he didn't care, and let out a wanton moan while his twin kissed the air out of him; why had they wasted such a long time by being apart?

'We should have done this ten years ago... Alright, maybe not 10, but... like, 5 at least,' Bill concluded dizzily while Tom shoved him back a bit and lifted him onto the kitchen counter.

It was only a few kisses later by the time Tom crawled up on the counter and pushed him down against the cool surface that was still covered in cookie-dough ingredients and random objects that were now carelessly tossed to the floor; half empty bowls, trays and cookie cutters all clattered to the floor together with half a package of flour that now covered half the kitchen floor in a white powder. But of course neither Bill nor Tom paid any attention to the mess they were making because it was utterly irrelevant to the fact that they were now finally able to be together. Bill didn't even notice that his beloved, white, Dior jacket was now covered in raw cookie dough, flour, and millions of sprinkles which had also found their way into his hair that swept over the surface of the counter.

Impatiently, Bill pushed Tom's oversized t-shirt up between them, only breaking the kiss for a brief moment to discard the item before returning to his brother's hot, wet lips.

Tom's body felt exactly the way he remembered, and he dug his fingers into his brother's soft, warm skin until Tom groaned in a mixture of pleasure and pain.

Breaking the kiss, Tom sat up a bit, pulling Bill along with him into a sitting position that enabled him to brush down Bill's jacket which landed on the floor, in the middle of the large flour pile, causing the powder to spread even further. Bill took the chance to remove his shirt as well, since they were already in a sitting position, throwing it on the pile of clothes and cookie ingredients on the floor.

It didn't take Tom longer than a second to be back all over him, pushing him down against the counter again; of course this time there was no protective cloth layer, and Bill gasped quietly from the cold surface against his hot skin.

~*~

There it was. The tattoo that had haunted Tom's dreams for over a year already. Breathlessly he kissed down his brother's chest to his stomach where he lingered around the star to look at it. Even though he had seen it millions of times, it was the first time he really paused to take a good, close look at it; it was actually nothing out of the ordinary. Just a simple, black, layered star. Had it belonged to any other person, he would have probably not even noticed it, but this was the tattoo that had caused him so much anguish and jealousy, even long after the night on the Maldives. Countless times he had thought about it, and what it might mean to Warren, being paranoid that the man he was in love with had a crush on his twin brother.

Once again he was bluntly reminded how stupid he had been all those times – how blind as to not recognize his own brother even though a million, flashing, neon arrows were pointing at him. At his brother – the person he wanted more than he had ever wanted anyone before.

Breathlessly they continued kissing while Tom clawed his brother's skin which was beginning to sweat, unable to get enough of the feeling of proximity; closeness was not something he had ever sought in a person before, or one he had ever missed or yearned for until he met Warren – well not Warren – Bill. But now he was unable to get enough of it, having missed it for so long, and even though he feared he might leave a few bruises on his twin's pale skin, Bill didn't seem to mind the slightly rough treatment if his soft moans were any indication. Tom wanted to hear more, having been deprived of the delectable sounds his brother made in bed for far too long and thus began nipping and biting along Bill's sensitive neck; it didn't fail to get the desired reaction.

By now they were both more than ready to take it to the next step but Tom was uncertain how they should progress; there was still a small part of him that was utterly nervous about this whole having-sex-with-your-twin-thing. It was one thing to do it unknowingly, but if they both consented to this, then... Well Bill had consented to it a long time ago - he had known all along, after all, but for Tom it was different – up until now he had always been the 'victim', but if he agreed to this now, fully knowing who it was that he was with, there was no more blaming Bill for it, and no more going back to... to anything at all. If they really went through with it now there would never ever be another chance of just being brothers. There would never be a chance for things to become the way they had been before. No more random groupie-sex.

Tom paused slowly, lifting his head a bit to look at his brother's slightly flustered face; his hair was a total mess, covered in sprinkles and flour, and he looked up at him with those beautiful, slightly nervous eyes. How was it that his eyes seemed so much prettier than his own, even though they were identical...?

"Is something wrong?" Bill whispered nervously, giving him an almost fearful glance while he propped himself up on his elbows.

His little brother looked so vulnerable and hesitant. Tom's mind was spinning from uncertainty; he knew that this was one person he would never be able to leave – if they got in a relationship, it would be forever; you couldn't just break up with your brother, the past few months had been proof of that, but was this really what they both wanted?

Obviously it was what Bill wanted, but Bill was... he was Bill, he was the one who believed in true, everlasting love that only happened once in a lifetime, while Tom... Well he didn't really believe in anything at all.

But then what was this? Was this not true love?

If it wasn't, Tom really had no idea what the hell love might be because this was stronger than anything else he had ever felt in his life. It was what he had longed for ever since he met... that side of his brother that he had never known existed. It was better than anything that had ever happened in his life, and so worth giving everything else up for.

Yes, Tom concluded firmly while he gazed into his brother's wide, scared eyes; he was worth giving everything else up for. Not that there really was much he was giving up since all those cheap nights paled in comparison to his twin – he could barely remember any of those nights, but he remembered every single one he had spent with his brother.

~*~

Bill's nerves were so strained he feared he might pass out; had Tom changed his mind? Was this not what he wanted after all? Bill wanted to cry; he knew this had been way too good to be true.

"No," Tom said softly; "Nothing's wrong," he smiled gently while reaching down to cradle Bill's head with one hand and draw him closer. Bill tried to find an answer in his brother's eyes - a speck of doubt or rejection, but Tom just smiled that odd smile he had whenever he spoke of Warren; a smile Bill hadn't seen in a long time and missed so dearly.

"Oh...Ok," he muttered stupidly, still confused about what Tom's sudden pause had been about; was he having second thoughts? Bill knew well that once they went through with this, there was no way out for Tom; he couldn't blame it on him anymore, and would be just as responsible for what was going on between them.

"Um..." Bill stuttered, pulling away an inch just as they were about to kiss again; "You know, you could... think about it if you're not sure or something," he mumbled dejectedly. It didn't matter how much he wanted this, if his brother wasn't sure, he'd rather not go through with it because otherwise it would just be worse afterwards.

"I'm-" Tom's reply was interrupted by the loud ringing from the oven that indicated that the 20 minutes were up and nearly gave both of them a heart attack.

"Jesus!" Bill exclaimed outraged, hating the little device for interrupting his brother's crucial answer.

"We should get them out or they burn," Tom chuckled.

"Who cares, let them burn. No one likes baked cookies anyway," Bill huffed, still angry at the cookies.

His brother laughed, shaking his head; "We're not going to let them burn because otherwise the entire apartment will smell terrible," he reasoned while jumping off the counter.

Bill just pouted, glaring at the cookie tray when Tom removed it from the oven and placed it on the stone counter close to Bill who was now sitting cross-legged and moody on the same spot where Tom had left him.

"You have flour all over your pants," Bill pointed out while Tom began putting the last tray in; 'Great. Another 20 minutes... We're so not having sex right now then,' Bill sighed in his mind.

"You should see yourself," Tom chuckled; "You have sprinkles and dough in your hair," he grinned once he closed the oven door and returned to Bill's side, pulling him towards the edge of the counter.

"Ugh, ew..." Bill grumbled, trying to shake the mentioned things from his hair.

Tom uncrossed Bill's legs and stood between them, pulling him even closer still; Bill was completely confused and uncertain, and slightly annoyed by the cookie interruption as he stared down at his brother. This was a position he had rarely seen him from; so close from a higher perspective... It was a nice view.

"What I was about to say when the alarm went off," Tom pulled him from his thoughts, "is that I am certain, Bill," he said earnestly.

Bill swallowed nervously; it was rare of his brother to be so serious about something; "Then why did you hesitate?" he asked meekly.

Tom rested his hands against Bill's outer thighs, taking a few moments to answer; "Because this is a really big deal for us. Not just me, but you too... This is something that's going to impact the rest of our lives. It's not like a normal relationship that you go into, not really knowing where it might take you, and just hope for the best. If those relationships don't work out, people can just break up. We can't. We can never break up because we are...us... Look at what being apart did to us... If we break up, our lives will fall apart," he said softly, his eyes never leaving Bill's.

Even though Bill had, of course, thought about this a million times, actually talking about it suddenly made the whole thing real. In his mind it had only been a childish fantasy – something that would never happen anyway – but now...now it was reality.

"But if we don't get together to begin with... Won't our lives fall apart anyway?" Bill asked quietly, knowing he would die if Tom rejected him now.

"Yes. Which is why I know that I'm very certain about this. What about you? Are you certain that this is what you want?" he asked just as quietly.

Bill sighed heavily, leaning their foreheads together and resting his arms on Tom's shoulders; "Of course. I've never been more certain of anything in my life," he whispered.

"And you are aware that we'd have to keep it secret forever? We can't ever tell anyone. Not our family, or our friends," Tom said sadly.

"Oh... yeah, um... About that... I kinda told mom?" Bill muttered stupidly, lifting his head a bit.

"What?!" Tom exclaimed outraged.

"But we should definitely keep it a secret from our friends!" he added quickly.

"Oh... yeah... About that..." Tom smiled weakly; "I kinda told Gustav, and I think he might have told Georg..."

"What?!" now it was Bill's turn to be outraged; "Tom!"

"What?" he asked innocently; "You told mom! That's way worse... How'd she take it?" he asked a bit freaked out.

"Pretty good, actually... She did drive me to your place, after all," Bill chuckled, still being a bit disbelieving about the weird mother they had.

"That was after you told her?" Tom asked in disbelief.

"Yeah. She encouraged me to go talk to you and... you know... stuff," Bill muttered awkwardly.

"Wow... That woman is crazy," Tom stated with a nod.

"Yeah," Bill laughed weakly; "I think Gordon might know by now too..."

"Oh great. So... everyone knows anyway," Tom rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, everyone... except you know... the rest of the world, and we should keep it that way," Bill chuckled.

"Oh yeah, the rest of the world," Tom remembered with an amused smile; "Well... I'm pretty good at keeping secrets, how about you? Oh wait, why am I asking," he finished with a wicked grin.

"Ha, ha," Bill said drily, poking his brother's stomach; "Don't be a jerk. I'm very touchy right now," Bill sniffed pointedly.

Tom laughed, pulling him closer again; "You're always touchy, Bill."

"Hmph!" Bill snorted, turning his head away with a fake pout.

"Come here," Tom pulled him forward, lifting him off the counter.

"Ah!" Bill yelped, wrapping his legs around Tom's waist and holding on to his neck; "What are you doing?" he laughed.

"What? You want to stay here for a round of kinky kitchen sex?" Tom asked naughtily, licking sprinkles off Bill's shoulder.

Bill just groaned in embarrassment, hiding his face in Tom's neck; his brother could be so weird sometimes.

Obviously Tom wasn't actually expecting an answer, because he paused at the stove and jerking his head towards it; "Turn it off or they'll burn," he grinned.

Bill reached over to turn the oven off before his brother carried him out of the kitchen; "What about the cookies though?"

"Who likes baked cookies anyway?" Tom smirked, heading for his bedroom.

Excitement began to bubble in Bill's stomach as they entered Tom's room; it had been a long time since he had been here, and never for this purpose. Well, sure, for this purpose, but back then it had been without Tom's knowledge or permission. Unlike now that Tom was carrying him in.

It had been so long since they had been together, Bill had nearly forgotten what it felt like.

With a quiet laugh, they fell down on his twin's bed, Tom landing comfortably heavy on top of him and pinning him into the mattress, their naked upper bodies practically glued together; this was one of those many small things he had missed so much in the past few months.

"Um wait... I'm covered in cookie stuff. We're going to soil your entire bed," Bill mumbled awkwardly, trying to lift himself up but not managing due to Tom's weight on top of him.

"Yeah, we are," Tom leered raunchily, actually making Bill blush.

"Ungh," Bill laughed weakly, covering his face in embarrassment; his brother was impossible sometimes; "At least close the curtains before someone sees us!"

Tom lifted his head with a raised eyebrow, eyeing the window; "We're on the 14th floor, Bill," he tried to reason but Bill didn't care.

"No, close it," he pointed to the window, trying to push his brother off.

Rolling his eyes with a laugh, Tom got off the bed and pulled the curtains shut, leaving the room in a comfortably dim light; "Better?" he smirked as he returned to the bed, crawling back over Bill again, who was nearly trembling in anticipation as he watched his brother approaching him and leaning down to kiss him; of course Bill had no intention to resist that, and wrapped his arms around his brother's neck to draw him closer.

~*~

Tom was still laughing mentally at his brother's paranoia; of course he had good reasons to be paranoid and shutting the curtains couldn't hurt, but it was still pretty funny. However his amusement didn't last too long because he suddenly realized the situation he was in. Now that he was actually here, in bed, with his brother, Tom began to get a bit nervous; it had been a long time since he'd gotten nervous in an intimate situation, but right now he was just scared of making the wrong move, though he had no idea what that might be. He knew that Bill wanted this, of course he did, Bill had crawled into his bed countless times before, but now it was different because now he knew it was Bill. His twin. Which made the whole situation forbidden and exciting on a whole new level that reached far beyond the thrill of having been cuffed and blindfolded by Warren, and suddenly caused Tom to feel awkward; well this was new to him. He couldn't remember a single time when he'd actually been shy and awkward in bed, not even when he'd been a kid.

Apparently Bill sensed his momentary loss of determination because he took the moment to throw him on his back and climb on top of him, straddling him in that very Bill way that Tom had come to love. Bill had always been very assertive and firm with everything he wanted in life – obviously his attitude in bed was no different, and Tom didn't mind in the least right now; after all, his brother was already used to having sex with him, but for him having sex with his brother was new. Well... at least knowing about it was new, so he was rather grateful that Bill decided to take matters into his own hands.

With a rather rough passion, Bill dug his nails into Tom's heated skin while his tongue ravaged his mouth, leaving both of them breathing heavily.

Even though Tom usually preferred to keep his eyes shut while kissing, every few seconds he caught himself peeking at his brother, fascinated by the long, mascara covered lashes that occasionally brushed against his skin; it was still hard for him to believe that even though it was his brother who was kissing him so intently, this felt so comfortable and easy.

It wasn't long before he became a little more confident and began groping down Bill's sides to that perfect ass he'd missed so much. Bill gave a soft growl somewhere against his mouth and pressed him harder against the mattress, grinding their bodies together while Tom got more impatient by the second, wanting to remove the last few clothing articles between them.

Impatiently he unbuckled Bill's belt, cursing his brother for wearing these kinds of clothes; it was something he hadn't really noticed while with Warren because he was usually wearing pajamas, which consisted... of Tom's worn out shirts. 'How did I not notice that...?'

Luckily Bill was very cooperative and rolled to the side so Tom could strip him down, leaving him completely naked; apparently now it was Bill's turn to feel awkward, and he immediately edged back into the safety of the blankets they had already messed up.

Even though Tom didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable in any way, he couldn't keep himself from staring for a few seconds; he knew exactly how that body felt, and now finally he had a complete image to go with it. Far too many nights had gone by during which he could only imagine what the body next to his might look like, so now that he finally got the chance to see all of it, he couldn't help but stare even though he had seen his brother naked a million times. Well... maybe not since he'd... grown up so much, but still.

The heated lust that had been possessing his body since they began kissing in the kitchen, flared up to a new degree as he pulled his brother close again, wrapping his arms around him and returning to the earlier kiss that was almost more intense than it had been before. He couldn't remember a time in his life when he'd been more eager for someone; the desire for Bill was so strong he could barely feel anything else at that moment; the only thing he was aware of was his brother's sweating skin against his, and Bill's soft, intoxicated moans that made his skin crawl with fervor.

Ardently he let his tongue glide across Bill's salty skin, pausing briefly to lick at his nipple before moving further down to his stomach; Tom's favorite part. Not only did he really enjoy touching it, but now that he was able to see it, it was also a very enthralling sight; that tattoo still drove him crazy even though he had never been such a big tattoo fan.

Softly he traced his fingers over the star, remembering how thanks to it he had realized that it hadn't been Warren in his bed that night on the Maldives.

A soft giggle pulled him from his memories and he lifted his head to look at his brother's shy smile; "You know, that night on the Maldives I really thought you had seen it and would realize it was me..."

"I had seen it..." Tom sighed.

"What?" Bill sat up suddenly, staring down at him; "You knew it had been me...?!"

"No. I thought Warren had a crush on you and copied your tattoo," he admitted lamely.

Bill stared at him in disbelief; "You're shitting me, right?" he asked bluntly.

"I'm sorry! What was I supposed to think?" Tom defended himself meekly.

"That you were having sex with me!" Bill looked torn between laughing and being upset.

"...Yeah. I'm not that smart... I guess every other option, no matter how ridiculous, was more... acceptable than the truth for me," he replied apologetically; Bill just nodded numbly.

"I was actually really upset about it... Which is also why I... kicked you out afterwards... I was angry that Warren- well, you, had a crush on you, so I just wanted him gone..." Tom mumbled quietly, still feeling like a total jerk for that night; "I'm really sorry about all that."

Bill laughed a bit, still looking torn between sad and amused; "You're so stupid," he finally shook his head with a warm smile.

Tom nodded; "Yeah, I know... but... you also did a bunch of kinda dumb things," he said drily, only to receive a loud, fake gasp from Bill and a punch in the arm.

"This whole thing will forever be your fault. If you weren't such a horny bastard who has sex with complete strangers whose faces he doesn't even know, none of this would have ever happened," Bill chided him.

"I don't have sex with complete strangers anymore. The last time I got laid was months ago, and it was with you!" Tom defended himself again.

"Really?" Bill gave him one of those hopeful, childish smiles that he sometimes had when someone talked about candy.

"Yes, really. But you're right... I really am an idiot..." Tom nodded with a soft smile; "However, I'm really glad I accidentally had sex with you, even if it nearly destroyed us."

Bill looked a bit surprised for a second but then returned the smile, creeping a bit closer for another kiss; "Yeah. I'm also glad you raped me," he said with a wicked smirk.

"Hey!" Tom exclaimed loudly, pulling away from the kiss that Bill had barely managed to initiate; "I did not rape you! Well... not really... Did I?" he asked horrified, beginning to feel slightly sick.

"That totally counts as rape," Bill smirked, making Tom unsure whether he was joking or not; he didn't look very serious, but Tom was still concerned. Had he hurt his brother a lot that night? They had talked about it once and Warren had said no, but... he might have been lying.

"I'm sorry, Bill," he said earnestly; even if his brother was half kidding.

"It's fine," Bill's amused smirk turned back into the earlier warm smile; "Even though I was horrified at the time, it wasn't physically all that painful."

Tom nodded with a relieved sigh, finally leaning in for that kiss that Bill was still waiting for and intensified very quickly.

It didn't take longer than a few dozen seconds before they were right back at the place they had left off earlier, except this time Bill was on top and busy removing Tom's remaining clothes which Tom kicked to the floor as soon as his legs were free from them. Immediately, Bill was all over him, playfully nuzzling his way up his legs while Tom watched, fascinated by the surreal sight; it had always been impossible for him to picture his cute little brother in a sexual situation, so it was utterly captivating to see his twin like this. There was a passionate gleam in his eyes that Tom had never witnessed before but that excited him beyond all measures; what was it about his innocent brother's rare behavior that turned him on so much? Was it just because it was Bill, or also because he knew that his brother had never done this with anyone other than him? There was something very gratifying in being the only one, and Tom was quite certain he never wanted to have it any other way.

A pleasurable jolt that shot up through his body pulled him sharply out of his marveling trance, only to realize it was Bill's tongue that was tentatively licking his erection. With a shuddery breath, Tom let his head fall against the pillows and stared up at the ceiling, still coming to terms with whom exactly it was that was making him feel this way; there was a small part of his protective-brother-brain that didn't want to see his ten minute younger baby brother doing these sorts of things, but the other part was entirely turned on by it.

For the first time he felt Bill's tongue piercing running up and down his length, merrily twirling around his head until Tom had to hold himself back from tumbling over the edge too fast.

With an agonized groan, he grabbed a fistful of Bill's coarse hair and pulled him upwards to stare into those intense eyes that washed away the last few traces of his doubts before he captured his twin's wet lips in another short, rough kiss; he needed to calm down a little bit if he wanted this night to last longer than a few minutes. Even though he was quite practiced in holding himself back, it was unusually difficult tonight, not only because it had been a long time since he'd gotten off but also because this reprehensible situation made his body quiver with lust.

Though Tom had had the intention to switch positions with Bill again, his little brother defiantly pushed him back down and settled on his thighs with a playful, triumphant smile while his hand began stroking Tom's eager erection, slowly running his cold fingers along the shaft. The first few times Tom had though that 'Warren' had such cold hands because he was nervous, but it seemed to be normal for Bill during sex; something Tom had never noticed in another sexual partner before. Perhaps he had just never paid such close attention.

When Bill leaned back down to kiss him again, Tom took the perfect opportunity to fondle his twin's delectable behind, wondering what it was that Bill had in mind today. It had been quite a long time since they had been together, and even though he was more than happy about either option, he really wanted to top today because it allowed him to do things his way – at his own pace and in his own position, but Bill didn't seem to go along with that, denying any attempt that Tom made to reverse their positions.

Eventually Tom just gave up, obviously not having as strong an opinion on it as Bill, who was currently nibbling around on his lip piercing, obviously having missed this little detail about their encounters; Tom had to grin internally.

It wasn't long before Bill reached over to his nightstand and began searching through the drawer, only to remind Tom that he hadn't unpacked the box with all his sex related things. Usually he kept all things he might need during sex right in his nightstand, because usually he needed them almost every night, but since the thing with 'Warren' had started, he hadn't used any of them and hadn't bothered to unpack them once he returned from his little 'moving out incident' because he really didn't think he'd be needing them any time soon.

Bill raised a surprised eyebrow, well knowing this was the place where Tom usually kept this stuff.

"Oh um... Yeah, I didn't unpack that yet..." Tom cursed himself inwardly.

Bill laughed; "Why not? Isn't that usually the first thing you unpack no matter where we go?" he teased lightly.

"Yeah, because getting laid was usually one of the first things I did when we went somewhere, but... well... you know," he finished sheepishly.

"But what? You're unprepared to have sex? Oh my god, Tom!" Bill gave a fake, outraged gasp before breaking into another fit of laughter.

"Yes, actually I am," Tom chuckled quietly.

"So where is it?" Bill asked while he looked around the room in amusement.

"I don't really know..." Tom said slowly, trying to remember where he'd put it; how could he be so careless with that?! He tried to remember where he put everything that he had unpacked. All his condoms, lubes... handcuffs, and whatever other things he had, were all stuffed into a small box – but where had he put it?

"Ugh, damnit," Tom cursed as he crawled up from the bed, rummaging through his closet while Bill laughed from his position on the bed; "Need some help?"

"Eh... No... I don't know... Wait..." Tom mumbled, pulling all his things out of his drawers and messing up his semi-neatly organized closet, not caring that he had just finished putting away all those things a few days ago.

Bill was still giggling somewhere in the background, now searching through the desk while Tom still cursed himself ten times to Sunday for being so unprepared. Though to be fair, how many people in the world would be ready to have sex with their twin on any given day? And since lately that was the only person on Tom's mind, there really hadn't been any need to be ready for sex... What with the whole fighting thing going on and... them being twins and stuff.

"Got it," Bill suddenly purred quietly from behind him.

Tom turned around, closing the mirrored closet door to look at his brother who was twirling around the blue bottle of lubricant in his hand with a mischievous smile.

"Great," Tom nodded, slightly flustered by his brother's wicked expression.

Bill nodded too, shoving him against the closet and crushing their lips together. Tom let out a muffled gasp from the freezing surface of the mirror against the entire length of his back, but Bill seemed to have no intention to let him separate from it, leaning against him with his entire weight and pressing him against the closet while his fingers twisted into his dreads.

Of course Tom had always known his brother was very headstrong and passionate about... well, everything really, but sometimes his aggressive behavior in bed still startled him; he well remembered the first few nights during which Bill had been so insecure and shy. The memory almost made him laugh; they'd sure come a long way from those days.

Pushing himself off the mirror, he wrapped his arms around his brother's waist, lifting him an inch off the floor; Bill weighed quite a bit less than himself, giving him the advantage in this point.

"Hey!" Bill laughed, tiptoeing backwards to the bed, half carried by Tom who pushed them both back onto the bed, landing on top of his twin.

"That's not fair. You always play dirty," he accused with an amused pout.

"I know," Tom smirked down at him, taking the bottle of lube from his hand while Bill just laughed, crawling farther up the bed.

Tom slowly followed him, still marveling at his brother's delicate, lithe body that now lay resting against the headboard, begging to be taken.

As he approached him, Bill reached out his hand to gently caress his cheek before pulling him closer by a few of his dreads, bringing them together in another long kiss.

Before he even realized what was happening, he was lying flat on his back again with Bill mounted on top of him, sitting astride on his thighs and grinding their bodies together. Tom groaned anxiously, immediately giving up on his earlier idea of seizing control of the situation; by now he didn't even care anymore, he was so ready it didn't matter anymore what it was that Bill did to him, as long as he did something. Of course his cold fingers massaging his cock were also contributing to this state of mind, and he tentatively let his hand drift up Bill's thigh, suddenly getting a bit apprehensive about actually touching his brother there. Of course he'd done it before, but then he hadn't known it was his brother. 

Bill let his head fall back, his body quivering a bit as Tom approached the most sensitive area of his body. Nervously, he let his fingertips graze over his twin's erection, feeling the familiar, velvety skin over the hard muscles; never before had he paid such close attention to someone else's cock, slowly letting his fingers trace the outlines of the veins while his thumb brushed over the wet slit on the head, eliciting a delicious moan from his brother above him.

Encouraged by his twin's pleasure, Tom got a little more confident and began to give him long, even strokes that soon had Bill mewling distractedly, his own strokes becoming harder and faster. The combination of Bill's hand on his erection, his brother's delightful moaning and the sight before him, were enough to drag Tom too fast, and he abruptly removed his hand and captured his twin's, not wanting things to move this fast. He wanted a lot more tonight because it had been far too long since he'd been able to have his brother, and a simple hand job was far from satisfactory for him.

Bill blinked down at him, his eyes dilated from pleasure, as he slowly reached next to Tom's head to retrieve the blue bottle that had been left there, forgotten. While Bill uncapped it, he slid up to Tom's stomach, settling there instead of in his thighs, and drew closer for a shaky kiss before he took Tom's hand and poured some of the cool gel onto his fingers, his eyes darting up from his hand to his eyes, giving him an apprehensive look. Tom didn't need any words to know exactly what his brother was anxious about; they hadn't been together in a while and Bill wanted him to be careful despite knowing how eager Tom was.

With his clean hand he drew Bill into a reassuring kiss while his other found its way towards Bill's sensitive entrance and began to gently rub over the delicate flesh.

A shiver shook Bill's body and he pressed his chest flat against Tom's, intensifying their kiss. Tom could feel the goosebumps along his twin's arms, and made sure to thoroughly massage his tense brother before carefully sliding a finger inside him.

Despite Bill having been relaxing against his hand earlier, he gave a soft whimper and another shiver ran through his body. Tom removed his hand from Bill's shoulder and reached between them to stroke his brother's erection in order to help him relax, not wanting this to become uncomfortable for him. Apparently it was working quickly because Bill lifted his upper body a bit to give him better access, settling in a kneeling position above Tom's stomach.

While Tom continued to stroke him, he slowly began moving his hand again, carefully sliding in and out of his brother, knowing that Bill still had a bit of difficulty with the relaxing thing. Even though their first time together had been over a year ago, Bill had only done this a dozen times or so and still wasn't fully used to it. Not that Tom himself was, not having bottomed a lot more either, but somehow he seemed to be quicker at adjusting.

Since Bill was kneeling above him, it offered Tom the perfect opportunity to slide a bit further down between his brother's legs until he could take his erection into his mouth, eliciting a loud moan from him. Eagerly he licked the salty essence from his brother, savoring the familiar taste he had come to love over the past year.

Bill lowered his upper body a bit more to give them a better position, rocking his hips with Tom's movements and nearly thrusting into his mouth while his heavy breathing had turned into a series of quiet moans.

Not wanting to let Bill move too fast for his own comfort, Tom removed his hand from inside him to add some more gel while Bill complained with an impatient growl that nearly made him laugh. Not wanting to let his brother wait too long, he quickly pushed the earlier finger back inside him, moving in and out of him a few times before slowly adding another one.

This had definitely served to slow Bill down a bit, giving Tom the chance to swallow and breathe a bit easier while his twin was adjusting to the new situation.

It wasn't long before Bill felt comfortable again and began to push into Tom's mouth rather than letting him coordinate their pace and rhythm. Not being patient enough to wait for too much longer, Tom pushed a third finger into his brother who gave a loud groan, momentarily remaining completely still; Tom also paused, hoping he hadn't moved too fast.

After a few moments during which Tom gently sucked around on his brother's quivering cock, Bill relaxed again, beginning to move against Tom's still hand.

Soon enough, Bill was panting heavily again, Tom's fingers sliding easily in and out of him while Bill assaulted his mouth to the extent that Tom was sure he'd be bruised tomorrow, but he didn't want to tell him to stop; if Bill was enjoying himself so much right now, Tom saw no reason to stop him just so he could get some as well. It wasn't really the way he had wanted things to go initially, but there was plenty of time for his own pleasure later on in their life, so he might as well take care of Bill for now. After all sex was a rather rare thing in Bill's life.

However after a few more moments of panting and moaning from his brother, Bill suddenly crawled backwards, detaching Tom's mouth from his cock and lifting his sweating upper body again with a few shaking breaths before he poured some more lubricant on his hand and began to rub it over Tom's ever present, very neglected hard-on.

Unable to stop himself, Tom moaned quietly, having been painfully turned on for quite some time now. Bill's light, wet touch was almost enough to bring him to completion right there, and he bit down on his tongue to stop himself from climaxing right away.

Once Bill was done with the quick task of lubricating him, Tom removed his fingers from inside him and waited anxiously for those few seconds that it took Bill to lower himself onto his cock while he continued to stroke him to help him relax against the size difference.

Bill moved painfully slowly and Tom had the unbearable desire to thrust up into his tight, hot body, but forced himself to remain still, not wanting to hurt him. The sensation of Bill's tight passage enveloping him so slowly tore a series of moans from his throat that he tried unsuccessfully to swallow; it had been such a long time since he had felt this good, it almost drove him crazy.

Thankfully Bill paused once he was fully seated on him so Tom could regain a bit of his composure while Bill was relaxing around him; he probably wouldn't last too long as soon as Bill began moving again, so he was trying to calm down as much as possible. Not only was it the physical feeling that turned him on, but also the fact that this was Bill. What was it suddenly about the twisted situation of being with his own twin that turned him on so much? He thought he would have the decency to be disturbed by it, or at least a little bit turned off, but instead he found himself completely intoxicated by the abominable circumstances.

After their breathing had calmed somewhat, Bill slowly began moving again, soon causing them both to moan and pant again as they moved against each other, Tom rocking his hips in coordination with his brother's pace and supporting his upper body which Bill was having difficulty holding up himself.

A loud cry from Bill told him that he had touched the right spot, and Tom twisted his hips a bit to ensure he remained in the right angle, thrusting into his brother a bit stronger, causing him to moan uncontrollably. Even though Tom wasn't a big fan of being noisy in bed, right now he couldn't care less about the world and let his own desire take voice, groaning loudly as he felt his orgasm wash over him so strongly that his body dropped limply down to the bed, his pleasure only ridden out by Bill who apparently hadn't lost his strength yet.

Tom gasped, trying to get enough air into his lungs while his mind was swept into a swirling maelstrom of pleasure, momentarily letting him forget everything else in the world as he let his breath out in a loud moan.

Unsure how long it was that he'd been orgasming, Tom slowly regained full consciousness as the last few pleasure waves shivered across his body, and he lay perfectly still, with Bill's heavy, sweating body resting, unmoving, on top of him. Had Bill climaxed as well...? He tried to move a bit but felt too drained, so he collapsed right back down into the mattress with a quiet groan.

Bill lifted his head off his shoulder, finding his lips for a dry, shaky kiss before laying it back down next to him.

Tom smiled weakly at the ceiling, far too lazy to move even though he was still inside his brother, but it felt comfortable and warm, and he didn't really want to get out just yet. Heavily he lifted his arms to wrap them around his brother's back, not wanting him to get up either, and pressing their bodies tightly together again, just to realize that Bill hadn't... come down yet. Had he not...? Tom turned his head to look at his twin, but his face was upwards and his head too high up for him to be able to see his face.

"Bill?" he whispered hoarsely.

"Hm?" Bill growled lazily without moving.

"Are you... not done?" he asked stupidly, not really knowing how to phrase that correctly, and feeling totally guilty for being unaware of it.

Bill laughed softly; "No," he replied quietly, this time lifting his head a bit to smile down at him; "But don't worry about it," he smiled reassuringly.

"'Don't worry about it'?" Tom asked outraged, pushing his brother a bit off him; "Bill!"

"What?" Bill laughed with a shrug; "There's no hurry."

"Still..." Tom mumbled slowly, not at all satisfied with leaving his brother... unsatisfied. Gently he rolled Bill to the side, carefully sliding out of him and leaning over him for another kiss while his hand drifted lower, past that provocative tattoo, to Bill's fully hard cock.

Tom was very aware that simultaneous orgasms was a rather rare thing, but he still felt somewhat bad for having taken so long to realize that Bill hadn't come to completion yet, so he wanted to make it up to him.

Leaving Bill's mouth, he slowly kissed down his neck to his chest, all the while lazily stroking his weeping erection that caused Bill to tremble and moan again. Taking his time, Tom made sure not to stroke him too hard as he twirled his tongue around Bill's right nipple, occasionally nipping at random parts of his chest while Bill groaned agonizingly.

"T-Tom?" Bill whimpered weakly.

"What?" Tom asked slowly, dragging his tongue up Bill's neck to suck on his earlobe.

"Ah..." Bill mumbled incoherently, wrapping his freezing fingers around Tom's upper arm; "Um... I'm really... Ah... Can't you...hurry up?" he mumbled inarticulately, tugging weakly at his arm.

Tom lifted his head to look into his brother's flustered face, his beautiful brown eyes giving him an embarrassed, pleading look while he bit around on his lip. Even though, for the sake of his brother he tried not to laugh, he couldn't help but smirk down at him.

"Alright then... If you insist," he chuckled wickedly, receiving a soft groan and a blush from his breathtaking twin. "But only if you promise to always talk to me about absolutely everything from now on. No more secrets... No more pretense or lies. And above all, no more assumptions. No more thinking that we know what the other is thinking or feeling... From now on, we'll always talk clearly about what we want, even if it's uncomfortable, alright?" he requested earnestly, gazing down at his twin who just nodded with slightly wide eyes.

"Alright," he agreed quietly, drawing him closer for a short, sweet kiss before smiling up at him with another blush; "In that case, I want you to suck me the hell off because I swear I'm about to lose my mind here."

Tom gave a loud throaty laugh while Bill gently pushed him down with a flustered smile; "And, in turn, I promise I will never have sex again without your knowledge." 

 

 

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was a bit longer than the others because its the last one and i thought it was suitable for it to be a bit longer xD 
> 
> I really hope you enjoyed this story :3 Thanks for reading! <3 Let me know if you liked it? Thanks ^^


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